I decided to make a more personal post. Most of the people who read this blog know me only partially from what I write. I can’t say I know myself that well either. If we were to talk about my deeds I’m not much of a person. I’ll sacrifice my own joy for others. My choices haven’t always been the best for myself.
No reason can truly elaborate upon why. I have falsified my own self to make sure a friend never saw me in pain. Love is a very powerful weapon. When is it too much or too little? I am horrible at figuring that out. I wasted a lot of my years chasing love without understanding myself. My heart was a powder keg back then. Sometimes I wonder if it is still able to explode like in the past. What even lit the fuse? Lies, jealousy, and fear make a lot of sparks.
Six years ago I didn’t think much about right and wrong. Life went on by like it always had before. I tried my chance at love and failed miserably. I couldn’t keep a promise and never brought it up until it was way too late. Times have changed. I couldn’t lie if I tried but others still do and most times I say nothing even when I see their deception. My life showed me that it isn’t as simple as it seems. Sometimes things scare us, catch us by surprise, burden us, and hurt us. I don’t blame anyone for hiding from the truth I just hope they find it before too many bridges burn.
Jealousy sets in very easily. I see the good in me, I truly do, but sometimes I feel I can’t keep up with other guys. Never have I told a lover to leave her friends for me. A man has to be very petty if he resorts to those measures. I really have never found a way to combat this feeling. My jealousy and fear are intertwined. I fear that I’ll never live up to what somebody else wants. Despite my fear I keep pushing forward. Some people prove the fear right but I learned I can do better. I will keep improving myself with everyday for the right girl. She’ll deserve the best I can be.
Most of those emotions are superficial. I really value creativity, beautiful minds, and uniqueness far more than anything else. I look at the world with a much more magical fascination. Everything amazes me. People call me childish sometimes because I see more than anyone else does. I don’t think that’s the case. If I were to be narrow in my views I wouldn’t feel like me. I still value my dreams over anything else. Nothing else defines me as much as this paragraph does.
This is me. I go by the alias Desnei when my name is Donnie J. Nelson. My mind loves chasing grand thoughts, my heart burns red hot, my body is here to warm those that I love, my soul looks for ways to better itself, and I live this life. The truth found inside is that I am a compassionate person although I never show it often.