They say disregard those that are weird and to accept those that are different. When their charade is exposed the journey begins. We’re sailing into a jungle where a bright Sun burns anyone outside. Most will steer away from this land of tribulation and seek refuge in the shade, but I can’t anymore. The Sun burns away the veil. . .
The serene nature by which the night air accustoms itself to my lungs. Could it be any more calming? A cycle of gravity’s depression upon the cavity of space this solar system inhabits creates a series of events cultivating in this single, unique moment. But my mind spoils this moment with thoughts of others who never appreciate the larger scheme at play. I shiver beneath the pale moon wishing I could breathe new life into those hollow men.
Have they lost their way? Honestly, it’s not my place to weigh hearts against a feather. I simply want to show everyone the beautiful yet complex universe we live in. Bettering the human race doesn’t need to equate to better wages, better living conditions, or any better version of a material object. We need a reawakening of the heart, the thing that makes us human. And that is what I write for instead of chasing success. I’m mortal and I won’t waste my time on building a figurative castle because all of this is made of sand. . .it’s meant to be swept away.
Although everything is temporary, we can all take something from what we’ve made. What matters though? Seeing that things won’t last shows brevity that can shatter any world view and make light out of life’s many quarrels. If we task ourselves with the continuation of life and understanding we can create an even better future than money can create. I can see a more unified humanity, less tragedies, and a greater appreciation of life.
Why aim for such a goal? It seems natural to me for one to care for others and express concerns about the toxicity within their hearts. I wouldn’t say that this desire is foolishly idealistic nor that it is arrogantly realistic. The pragmatic truth says we can do much better due to probability but forcing change only creates further problems so we should teach each other. We can be better and better others through brevity, appreciation, and relaxation.
Understand how finite everything is, appreciate what is and let it be, and allow distance between the truth and feelings.
The stars they fall into the darkness one by one.
Nothingness echoes from the reliquary of life
Across dimensions forged by time and space.
Standing at a hilltop I remember the light
Shining upon pastures of green. That night
Never ends. All the people safe in their homes
Have their simple, beautiful lives. Tomorrow comes.
I thought that they were all fools but I understand
The love of simple things as I reach out my hand.
Will anyone grab my hand before I drift away among the cosmos?
No wings but these eyes of mine capture the dying light of distant stars.
Stuck in orbit I want to drift endlessly with glittering eyes reflecting
Everything ten-fold. I aim to be extraordinary like a shooting star
People wish on as it crosses the horizon from this lonely hilltop.
Take this hand and move me into your glorious orbit. In your arms
I feel safe. Where are we heading? Your glance pierces and disarms.
At the right time everything came together making this single moment.
Is this fate, divine intervention, or chance? All three routes converge
Into one. No answer to be found because the answer is known as life.
Before I drift away among the cosmos. . .
To reach an impossibility one must first do the unexpected.
Take the things learned but then walk towards the unknown
Because no one knows what awaits there. Reach for the sky.
We all look for wings only to find that nothing changes.
A way away from this ordinary existence, a graveyard of hearts.
The undead never rise from their graves. We’re all stuck in standby
Wondering what could be but never is. Is that a place to live and die?
Asking myself what’s the point in this real world. . .rejected, forgotten;
Tears spent over numbness I can’t change; lives lost following others.
I say words of hope but my eyes have another goal in sight like tethers
Holding me suspended above an abyss – carefree hearts not yet rotten.
An abyss of stagnant life where everything withers and crumbles in the wind.
I climbed out of that in search of something more, something true,
Something sweet. Exiled from the normal world by my unchanging heart
I’m left to wander. I’ve seen other hearts flirting with the dark abyss
And find myself with words to say before they drown in that numbness.
“Don’t feel you have to fit in. You can just be you. Change if you must,
Change for those you love and trust. I’ve been there sinking in their words
Until the light of the Sun disappears. It’s scary like you’re drowning.
Take my hand if you aren’t sure. You’re not alone. There’s atoning
For the helplessness found within but first take my hand. Lay down swords,
Let your armor fall, forget the battle; calm down and let your worries rust.
We should let the bad degrade away. Don’t forget it but try to see the way
Everything falls into alignment. Just be yourself and with me you can stay.
I keep leading the way. Do I know for certain? No, I just can’t let others hurt
The way I did. We’ll fall from the graces of society but gain our hearts.
So if you want never conform and join me in building a life up from the dirt.”
My moniker Desnei serves as an antithesis to disparity. I decided that I’d never accept myself standing apart from others and will cross the line when possible. I’m no traitor but a visionary who seeks the unity of all men. We all have a responsibility to our fellow men to stand together through tumultuous times. Such a movement crosses every boundary imagined, it’s something known as compassion.
Often I’ve forgotten what I keep struggling for. Where others see conflict I see an unfortunate consequence of despair. People have never been pawns in a game because they have real feelings. To teach others a different way has been a calling reverberating throughout my body. I know humanity will always hold a candle of hope as long as generous people try. The light will never die if I touch another heart with my simple compassion.
And this is why I write; to let the compassion spread like a wildfire across the Earth, stop the potential hatred that could fuel the sorrow conjuring a million tears, and to help those in need. It’s true I do write fantasy that can sometimes be dark but compassion remains fundamental. The dark stuff exists because compassion was lost leading a few astray. In reality some people face times where life can seem very dark and unforgiving but they can be saved from it. Just reach a hand out for every one who feels lost.
I imagined up a universe where the virtues of humanity are amplified. Emotions are the main foundation creating reality for my characters and they must face them. Slowly the characters realize their universe started from the sorrow a man faced and never could overcome. They must stand against his fallible nature to teach him what he never learned about life. Life might not be perfect but it’s beautiful.
One character finds himself working for assassins after a wealthy mayor steals the his family’s livelihood. He faces many tribulations on the road of his life after giving into his bitter feelings. The mayor knows he wronged many people but finds himself unable to stop because the wealth makes him feel important. When they meet again only one will be alive afterwards. This isn’t directly a story of compassion. This event of indifference marks when possessions possess a man. Why does that happen? The mayor never deeply understood human compassion when he was a child creating a void in his behavioral growth. He inevitably chased his greed to his own grave. Now a young man must face his inner turmoil while moving from a terrible past to an uncertain future.
Without looking too deep into the specifics their stories are easy to relate with. A good family facing rough times can often lead some members into making bad choices. Lack of love will lead some toward any unsavory sense of belonging through such as greed, lust, wrath, and so on. Sins can very accurately describe a person’s disposition when they have lost all sense of control. I believe the best way to counter that chaotic impulse is to show that there’s more than what has been seen. If only everyone could feel like they belong but in a world of nearly eight billion people some can feel isolated. Don’t let them if you can.
I understand this is a very lofty aim but I can believe in it. If the compassionate side of humanity shines brighter loneliness will be eradicated. Through kindness a dark fantasy universe can be saved. So why not this single planet? I truly think humans can do just that.
Hey I was offset by your tender heart and was wondering,
Oh just maybe, can we get to know each other? (Save me.)
There has been a storm brewing and you’re the calm
Before its devastation. Turn your hand, show the palm,
Try to understand we’re both afraid. Time is no cure
For the brokenness inside our hearts. Of this I am sure.
It took a single glance for my heart to feel this resonance,
Light shining from a crack through a wall. Don’t ever forget
Who you are because of suffering. I’ll climb this wall and try
My hardest just know I’m only a human. I’m sorry if I fail.
Words. True love and true hate, I hurt knowing I messed up
When I said I’d never leave. I wanted to stay but the truth
Took roost right here. We needed to grow in the sunlight.
I wouldn’t understand that until I felt the dagger of love
Twisting in my heart. Screaming, thrashing; the dove
Finally broke his wings and fell to Earth’s verdant grove.
The body mended with time but he never flew too high
Out of fear. Regrets clouded the mind. He’d stay
There for refuge believing he lost his own way.
Nothing feels alright, I’m so broken inside. So I sigh.
Trace my fingers on my chest feeling every rib. I wondered,
If I stay here will I ever heal? This is like I’ve surrendered.
That was the day I ran from there. My heart was uneasy
Yet I never stopped running. I couldn’t live by the terms
Others set for me because I knew I’d end up failing them.
I can’t figure out the way and I can’t stay still anymore.
Will you wander with me? On that day forever I swore.
I swore I’d be yours. . .if you’d be mine, no ploys being played.
Is this the fate of a flower petal drifting towards a flame? I reach out so freely until gravity takes hold, pushing me down and setting the motion. The last seconds of a fleeting dream leave me upon a precipice. All I can think about now is a question.
“Do I jump and let go of my worries?”
That question doesn’t apply to suicide even though I’ve been there before. This is a suicide of sorts where the individual loses themselves in part. A flower petal can’t bear the passage through fire and neither can a human if weakness shows. I tried finding other ways around the flames with no avail. Abandon hope all ye who enter here.
Dante’s quote is the reminder I picked from the roots of my education. To stand between religion and science I find light guiding a path to walk. The constant margin for error entices me to delve further into the questions I have. I’ve become unafraid of the unknown because all it has ever been is a boundary.
Those flames still rise. I try my hardest to never get burned just to find that I’m too weak. The love from others is what saves me from burning away and provides me with a new sense of hope. Somehow I steered far away from the fire all these years. Will my journey ever bring me back there? It’ll return until I no longer have the strength to resist anymore.
What would happen if I relinquish hope? The hope exists as a fire within me and it came from the inferno. This curse we have all accepted for more time. How much is enough? Any amount will suffice as long as not today. We are extremely greedy in that respect because just existing is miraculous enough. Certain things in life can’t be let go and that’s why we are greedy in a selfless way. Oh, the irony stemming from that sentence.
We all race through days learning that we can’t let go of everything. Yet I’ll jump from the edge of my fear into the large margin called chance. One day the flames will reach me in my momentary flight and leave not but ash. And thus is the fate of a flower petal.
Thinking about the reasons for existence. I have always known that the point of existence is to exist but, what if there’s more to it? All the choices end up painting an image of existence. The truth in that should be enough for comfort. I can’t find the comfort because something feels off. A monumental tower of questions stands in my path.
I enter the gates of the tower and hear them close behind me. This pilgrimage of mine leaves me hollow and ragged. The voices of gods and men matter not when I delve further into the uncertainty. Every second that passes ultimately leaves me further behind everyone else. I still remember the first question.
“Do you see life as a race or a journey?”
t.
I remember you. The only words I can find since you left this world. Many details about you I will never know but, what I do know is the kindness you showed to me. You spoke about God often. The days we’d spend talking about Heaven being a grand tavern hosting an eternal festival. You gave the sunshine a purpose as a blessing light. I feel blessed by the light even now.
Can you feel your kindness carry on inside of me? I’ll give it to others like you did for me. If the world uses kindness then everyone might one day be blessed by the sunshine you showed me. Others don’t understand why I live the way I do. I know you wouldn’t question or disrespect my life choices.
They can think whatever they want as long as I keep going with a smile. When the going gets tough I get tougher but not until then. Preparing for the inevitable will never be my way to live because I understand life. Thank you for giving me the light I needed on the inside.
Let me be the radiance of God’s love. Maybe not the god you knew but the combined existence of everything. I’ll radiate the kindness you, a shard of God, taught me.
I decided to make a more personal post. Most of the people who read this blog know me only partially from what I write. I can’t say I know myself that well either. If we were to talk about my deeds I’m not much of a person. I’ll sacrifice my own joy for others. My choices haven’t always been the best for myself.
No reason can truly elaborate upon why. I have falsified my own self to make sure a friend never saw me in pain. Love is a very powerful weapon. When is it too much or too little? I am horrible at figuring that out. I wasted a lot of my years chasing love without understanding myself. My heart was a powder keg back then. Sometimes I wonder if it is still able to explode like in the past. What even lit the fuse? Lies, jealousy, and fear make a lot of sparks.
Six years ago I didn’t think much about right and wrong. Life went on by like it always had before. I tried my chance at love and failed miserably. I couldn’t keep a promise and never brought it up until it was way too late. Times have changed. I couldn’t lie if I tried but others still do and most times I say nothing even when I see their deception. My life showed me that it isn’t as simple as it seems. Sometimes things scare us, catch us by surprise, burden us, and hurt us. I don’t blame anyone for hiding from the truth I just hope they find it before too many bridges burn.
Jealousy sets in very easily. I see the good in me, I truly do, but sometimes I feel I can’t keep up with other guys. Never have I told a lover to leave her friends for me. A man has to be very petty if he resorts to those measures. I really have never found a way to combat this feeling. My jealousy and fear are intertwined. I fear that I’ll never live up to what somebody else wants. Despite my fear I keep pushing forward. Some people prove the fear right but I learned I can do better. I will keep improving myself with everyday for the right girl. She’ll deserve the best I can be.
Most of those emotions are superficial. I really value creativity, beautiful minds, and uniqueness far more than anything else. I look at the world with a much more magical fascination. Everything amazes me. People call me childish sometimes because I see more than anyone else does. I don’t think that’s the case. If I were to be narrow in my views I wouldn’t feel like me. I still value my dreams over anything else. Nothing else defines me as much as this paragraph does.
This is me. I go by the alias Desnei when my name is Donnie J. Nelson. My mind loves chasing grand thoughts, my heart burns red hot, my body is here to warm those that I love, my soul looks for ways to better itself, and I live this life. The truth found inside is that I am a compassionate person although I never show it often.
Vasha'Lakar 
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