Resting on these laurels
As if they change something.
I enter from a flourishing Spring
Into a drought. Failing morals.
Sinful recant in the shade under a blistering star
That has been there long before any man. A scar
In the sky during this drought. Distance to walk is far
Between the shadows of trees. There will be a war
And I’ll be the only casualty today, this I swear.
When all I try to do is earn respect even by a hair,
Such a small amount, but I lack so much. A thick tar
Pours over me but to others I am the same from afar.
Chasing what comes undone
Because I still hear that tone.
Do you think I’ll never move from here?
How can it be that clear? My own heartstrings
Plucked until they were out of tune. I raise my voice
And they let me suffer for it. All I want is someone
Who has faith in me. Is that really it? In part maybe.
I want to prove to myself that I’m not in the wrong.
Do they prey on my weakness? Family and friends.
How can I trust when nothing goes right? From my sight
I go blind. The uncertainty deceives my heart and mind.
Lonely. A raised voice passes through the walls
Surrounding my true self. They never even notice that.
Saying how I feel would be like placing a powder keg
Within a burning chapel. No trust, bottled up feelings,
Judgment passes over, self loathing ensues; I slip away.
This event goes on repeat forcing me to feel defeat
Even when I return day after day. Is this my own insanity?
So many questions I’ll never be able to answer
And I know that. The truth has turned into a blur.
A final choice remains. What to do with this life of mine?
Can’t expect respect if I do nothing. I must do what I want
And prove who I am to myself. I’ll rise up to fight like a gallant
Knight who raises his sword to protect. In the end I’m just fine.