Live; Don’t Run Away

Traversing pass thousands of stars.
The river erases everything even scars.

Greedily holding onto this one, lonely sunset
We burn our hands. The way barred by a lack
Of dreams and a melancholy sickness. Hack
And cough up the ilk we take as our regiment.

Who knows what’s right any longer?
A masquerade that never ends despite
All of the tears behind carbon masks.
We see the headlines reading our wounds,
Self-inflicted and left to go septic.
Run in circles and scream for change
From ourselves; it’s only our fault.

When we take off the masks we’re fearful
Of everyone else. The monsters in our heads
Were born when we fell so low to the floor.

Between the burn and the fall gain humility.
Entertain the idea that we all might be wrong
In this expansive universe. Dreams so strong
They can shatter through our false reality.

If we keep heading in the same direction we will reach where we’re headed. We can hope for a miracle or forget the bad but that ain’t an answer. Face the darkest and brightest day with the same desire to see tomorrow. ~ Don’t follow those that can’t discern their heart from a crowd. Because the worst thing we can become is numb and dismissive.

14438-Thomas-Merton-Quote-Pride-makes-us-artificial-humility-makes-us.jpg

Of These White Flames

I spoke the lost truth born from the Loom
Of Woven Lies to avoid impending doom.

The reality we’re all too afraid to take witness,
But it’s there within the heaviness of our hearts.
Inside there is a war we wage that’ll never end
Because we never learn. I stand guilty as well.
My heart left calloused from attempts to see
While still blind. Words others said resonate
Like birds singing yet they’re nowhere now.

Why did they lie? I’m left here hung by their words,
My noose; the condemned convict left for the crows.
All I did was ask for the truth then they took swords
Against my existence. “All the stones a giant throws.”

I’ll burn in white flames until we can see eye to eye.
flwr

The Defiled Heart

The darkness inside lashes at my memories
In an attempt to steal who I am. It’s the mark
Burned into my flesh awaking my inner demons.

My wrath, lust, and pride slithering under my skin;
A burn that never goes away. Will they ever win?
I swallow my unsettled doubts, like pills with gin.

We don’t choose the fights we’re tossed into. Survive,
That’s what our hearts scream. Is that why I still strive?

Dark and cold black flames judge my heart to a feather.
I failed. Know that I’m not giving in. There’s a day that
I gotta see with these eyes and feel with these hands.
My wretched fate repeats day by day yet, I smile.

They call me Ariex Nightblade. I watched wars,
Witnessed genocide, killed a friend; I left
The Royal Protectorate to heal these scars.
This curse I took on instead of being ever so bereft.

My brother Synji bears the other mark.
The endarkened; the illuminated.
We serve two roles in a grand tragedy.

I need to survive. . .reject fate ordained.

sa;bdry

Our Redemption

The Sins We Carry Together

When did all the little lies we once said manifest
Into hate and disconnect? The lives we risk in an
Attempt to conceal our sins. Will they ever return?
I looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize myself.
In my hand I hold a sword but, I know I’m a killer.

Dark clouds stretch from horizon to horizon
As if on this day Gehenna comes for us all.

The generals lead us into tactical formation.
Others look at mementos thinking about others
And their promise to return. But this is devastation,
The last station between life and death flowers.

Flowers will grow from the corpses both sides leave.
The pollen will reach loved ones. They’ll cry and heave.
I’m not here for honor and justice. Wars must be fought;
The sins of the few are the sins of humanity. I sought. . .

Peace that never came. If war is the price we pay
Take me instead of these people with lives
To return to.

Step to the drawn line,
The flowers will blossom soon;
We face the storm now.

Gehenna Rising

The sound of catapults firing, louder than thunder,
Echoes across the battlefield. Formation scatters,
Calvary clashes between the carnage, and the blood
Flows from mangled bodies into the fray.

Kindness absent in both our and their eyes.
Instead a flame burns, threatening what’s left
Of our humanity. How the truth is swept
Away even as we bleed under these skies.

Does anyone understand the consequences?
Thieves steal and live, heroes fight and die.
We aren’t characters in a story. We won’t surrender
To those that push good people to kill. Soldiers stand
Together staring into the abyss selfishness makes.

The coins we cast into wells never answered;
Tears into blood and mud. We are the tortured.

We raised Gehenna in search of redemption. . .

The Demon Within

In a flash of lightning and fire the cavalry
Enter the abyss. Both armies charge.
We all understand that this evil stage
Will only end when we achieve victory.

I pour my heart into a strike against another blade
To deflect the attack. The enemy stares at me
Like a wild beast. He isn’t wrong.
Other soldiers swing at me as I roll back.
My comrades attack and pierce their chests.
I hear them suffocating. We push forward.

Enemies and allies fall to their knees
All around me. Tears brim in my eyes.

Everyone lays around except me and one man.
Our pain leads us toward each other;
The gravity of our hearts pulls eternally.

Our blades clash with the heaviness we carry
As our feet sink into the bog. A photo falls
From the enemy’s pocket but we attack again.
I scream and kick the man back into the mud,
He takes off his helmet, we stare at each other.

We get ready for another fight.
“Only one can live this hell.”
“By sky, by earth, by sea; return.”
The man slices through my arm
Before I can even react. I fall
Into his arms and stab him in the gut.

“Aim to kill. Your enemy will show. . .”
“No. . .mercy.” He coughs up blood.
I couldn’t watch. I wrap my hands
Around his neck so he suffers no more.

After I pick up his sword and rest it in the ground.
The storm dissipates but, I keep on crying
For everyone that died today; the only sound
Left to be heard. “We were all trying. . .”

Daylight Breaks

“The payment atones but if we never change
Then what good is it? We are all so strange.”

I turn toward the Sun and begin walking.

3e5c7c74bd37d5ee590472fb2cb2396d

Reaching Into The Dark

By the clandestine blade of light falling at dawn
I will cleave apart the darkness within your heart.

Remember when these eyes were full of wonder,
A time lost in ruins. Every day had potential
And we stayed afloat through conventional
Means. Was it time or pain that left us asunder?

I kept getting back up for you
But, I never checked on you.
The pain I have given to you.

Did my ignorance shatter the glass containing the darkness
Within your heart? I’ve messed up and must find a way
To fix this friendship. Let the fight go and give to weakness,
We shouldn’t hurt each other anymore. A price we can’t pay.

I’ll carry this sorrow with you. You will never be alone.
I don’t truly understand but I don’t want you to be gone.
light

Misdirection

Stepping to the line that divides what I knew
From what I learned. The reality I have now
Might be a travesty in the eyes of the few.
At a point in the past I would wonder how.

Did I really care that much I’d judge myself?
Their words caught and placed me on a shelf.

My hands that can’t build or destroy a palace
Don’t play any role on this lonely island
Planet. What more can you want from me?
I gave my everything and still fell down.
We have grown but these scars remain
Making me believe I’m useless.
The strength I use to live is stolen
Because I don’t have any left.

One more bad dice roll from being forgotten.
I bet everyone would like that, to forget my sin
Then move on like I was never even here.
I see that daily. The truth has been clear
So I’ll try my best to live a lie with some reason.
What has hurt me will someday be forgotten.

Will I ever be able to live in your world?
I’ll always be there but I’m not that cold.

We won’t see eye to eye when you hate
Me for being what you can’t be.
The pain I fought through resonates
And trust me you’d never want a taste.
Fear consuming all that I am.

I’m so far gone since that fateful day
When you marked me. Shaken
My faith in this life I’ve taken.
The self hate that I will no longer say.


I have often questioned what I don’t like and why. My mind tries to understand every point of view for justification purposes. (Often that means forgiving horrendous acts because the person did what they thought was truly right even when they were misled.) Most people wouldn’t want to cross that line because they may never be able to find their way back. I’m positive I lost myself.

I can justify the worst actions but not mine. By judging myself too harshly I fail to find much meaning in the life I lead. Wish I could. The only tethers I have to this life are my friends even though they probably just pity me. “What do they really think of me?” haunts my mind when talking to them. If I started crying would they even know that THIS is why. There is an emptiness inside I will always hide.

The days slip by with me trying to do anything constructive. My hands slip before I ever become anything substantial. Others judge my failed efforts making me feel entirely useless. I can’t be them. I still try to be though! This is what can’t be justified. If I ever want to truly fight my own battle I need to tune out everyone else. I’m learning how to be the best man I can be.

Talk to me and you’ll never see the pain I harbor. Never believed anyone would help me so I never asked. Years went by I still remained quiet. People said I was either stupid or mean which I loathed with my whole being. No one expected anything from me. Where are my friends now? They’re moving on when my feet refuse to do the same. Will any of them reach out to see if I’m alright? Maybe they just gave up on me.

I made new friends who remind me  that this whole thing is wrong. I’m doing the best I can in a tough situation. The words of others affect me more because I am self conscious after everything that has happened to me. My mind never stops analyzing giving myself a different perspective that others have a tough time relating. I found people who take the time. Everything is starting to look up.
sa;bdry

Eye to Eye with the Darkness

These days I’ve seen doves become ravens
Yet the grace remains in their flight. Hunger,
The difference between the good and the evil.

I watch from afar as death and injustice
Rest atop the apex of this epoch as deities.
My hands appear bloody in my dreams.

Their deaths stain both the lost and silent.
My heart tries but will never be resilient.

I call it a curse because I’m fearful of the truth I see.
Anchor myself in truth though I speak in allusions
For it hurts my soul to know. The world has illusions
That I never make friends with. Castoff in the sea.

If I end up drowning in all the blood spilled by the avaricious
Know I have no regrets for I could never close my own eyes.
54aa7a83afd0515f6dab3a3bc97121b8

To Learn

Sometimes I start feeling like the worst
When remembering catastrophes I created.
The good left desecrated. Flowers wilting
After they bloom. My heart rejects that time.

A time I didn’t know myself. You’re right,
I did terrible things and I can’t fix the past.
These memories sting but they won’t last
If my heart keeps beating to find the light.

No matter what I’ll be prepared for a fight
When it comes my way. Sorry, I failed you
Yet I call on that for the strength I’m lacking.

“I moved on.” The lie everyone says once in a while.
Nobody can forget what they gave just to see a smile.
Is that all gone? Regrets force us to change. (No denial!)
learning

Embedded Chains, Thorns of Remembrance

Can I just see the truth? A question haunting
Me like a specter. Oh, the banshees will sing
The refrain of my hallowed breathing. They
remember what I don’t and it is in what I say.

But the specter still drifts endlessly. A heartfelt melody
Unheard. If it can then just let it fade away, my remedy.

Screams echo through this rundown chapel
Carrying the force of emotions. Devotion
Was common here until the day the bell rang no more.
It was on the day of a wedding. The lovers who swore
Their lives together but it felt like treason.
A beautiful flower until you reach the last petal.

What came on that day? The truth entombed.
Eyeless groomsmen and handless bridesmaids;
We danced to the times for we were damned.

Ill touched wineglasses resting in sight.
Magically entranced by shining moonlight
We took but a sip of Death’s love on that night.
One by one we join the curtain call as our last right.

Who am I? A shifting illusion in the Sun’s rays,
An unsung bell on a thin rope, that never strays.

a_lost_soul_trapped_by_nichofsky-d5yjx6g
Source

 

 

 

Of These Passing Stars; Part IV

     A howl breaking through the membranes that divide mind and heart leaves a fissure within. Every thought of self seems even less real. They vanish into the fissure. No way to be led back to the correct path if there ever was one to begin with. And the truth stands perpetually like a pagan monument built on hallowed ground.

     I realize the thoughts in my head don’t justify a thing. The truth will be even if every soul is deleted. Who am I to question it? All I can do is try my best at living. The howl returns me from the open space inside. My mind must calculate and my heart must will. If they do anything else I will lose this battle.

     The beast dashes at me once more with gnashing fangs. I cross my blades right before the impact connects. A shock wave of force runs through the blades and into my bones. I grunt from the pain then realize the beast just standing in front of me.

     “Why does it have armor?” I say the most obscure thought in my head making the entire regiment laugh.

     I remove my plate armor and taunt the beast. It charges at me but I jump over the attempt. The alchemists’ summon a magical barrier before it went any further. A staggering opponent unaware of me above aiming my blades for his eyes. It howls once more causing the barrier to crack.

     The sergeant stands in front of the alchemists as a secondary barrier if the first falls. This is always harder with others. After I lost the only two families I ever had I’m cold to his selfless gesture. Novice alchemists can’t withstand the shear strength of the demons I fight. Well gravity will be the determining factor here. The beast lashes out with its arms shattering the barrier. Crystallized shards of mist fire off in every direction.

     I slam the blades into the beast’s neck and push it backwards. Dark mist spews from the wounds. My chest starts burning when the dark mist engulfs the whole field. I tear my shirt off and feel the mark left there years ago from a lover. Memories about her I chose to forget return because the darkness feeds an inner fire I wish to put out.

     “Poor old Niteblade abandoned by everyone he cares about. Unable to see what was in front of you you accepted one of us. Was it the face of your lover that made you blind? Did you not see the corpses, smell the decay, watch friends kill each other with their ravenous lust, and see your lover leading that dark covenant?” a sinister voice emerges.

     “I saw everything. She lost her way and so did others. But that woman wasn’t my lover. She was one of you, the Endarkened.”

     “Is that what you call us? We are the Illuminated. Life hurts some people really badly. The Mists have been altered and now the strong emotions people catalyzes an extreme reaction. Complete soul removal. The human must be a willing party for us to be created. But there is another way if an emotional bond ties a human to an Illuminated. You gave into the desires of flesh and desecrated yourself.”

     “Yeah. I’m a human we make mistakes sometimes small and sometimes big. We will screw up but we can learn. Can your kind learn anything more than your patron sin? Pride.”

     “You could tell? I can’t say if we know our potential when we are hunted like beasts. Ask your superiors who imprisoned the Seven Kings and altered the Mists. But what do you care? All you know is orders like we know sin. We both don’t understand why we exist.”

     “I don’t feel for you. The fact I can relate makes me want to kill you more. I’ll check into your lead though and lay to rest every corpse you tainted in your wake.”

     “Thank you. I don’t like living if it means I erase everything around me. But I can’t surrender without a fight. My patron sin says more terrible things and you’ll never hear it. Why? Your friend who stood in the way of those alchemists. He’ll never be able to return to battle even if he lives. Such a selfless act refutes my existence.”

     “Your execution comes from the Spear made from the light of hope. Searing through the damnation until only humanity remains. The word of God is lost yet morality never dies. It is in all of us to stand upright no matter how much we fall. Without holy text we can still see the way. Defiled hearts must be cleansed by the surging waters of hope and change.”

     “Beautifully resolute. You have admirable qualities but lack many things. I won’t pretend that I can persuade you to sin. Death is the answer then I’ll snatch your soul. Lowly beings such as yourself make lovely pawns.” Pride snickers at my belief and humanity.

     I reach for my blade while listening to the wind for Pride’s movements. The darkness parts, I shove my blade into the opening, and see red blood spew out. I stumble back fearing my action. A laugh trails from multiple places in the darkness. Blood on me dissipates into the darkness. Thoughts pile up in my head making it even harder to see the difference between illusions and reality.

     I feel with my left foot. My boot hits the hilt of my other sword. I kick up the blade and grab it. Something feels weird. The weight is off. It transforms into a spike and pushes into my palm. My mark reacts violently. Blood turns black and crystallizes into a blade. I feel my mind slipping underneath the taint.

     The blade absorbs the darkness. Pride stares at me with a smug gaze. He rushes me biting and clawing like a wild beast. My flesh begins to crack and memories begin shattering. I struggle to find any light within me. Everything goes black but I can still hear my thoughts.

     Stop the darkness, I must. EMBRACE IT!!! No, I can’t. My life h as to remain. I’ve seen too much. REST FOR A WHILE. . .no. If I let you win I’ll never be safe inside. Isn’t that overrated? Very much so. Then why? I must make right the past. You can’t. I know that. Why then? To protect my new friends.

     Light pours from the cracks. I stand up in a beam of sunlight. The blade that is my right hand dissolves the darkness within. Sunshine fills the crystalline blade. Pride backs away with fear then starts laughing. I dash at him but his claws deflect my attack.

     “Did you really think light could. . .” Pride’s claw fades away into the sunlight.

     I push him back to the edge of the forest clearing. A giant oak stands between him and escape. I say a prayer under my breath and shatter the crystalline blade into four shards. Each shard flies into the beast. Two shards pierce his shoulders, one digs into his heart, and the last enters his head through the right eye. The beast disintegrates into sparkling sunlight and I fall to my knees.

     The alchemists come over and place their hands on my shoulders. I hear the lieutenant crawling over. Brothers sitting in the aftermath of a battle. The stench of blood lingers in the air. Three brothers lay lifelessly on the ground. Tears drip from our eyes. We know it is our fault death welcomes them. Strength defines the result.

     “I wasn’t strong enough to save them. Lieutenant you can’t even stand up now. The horses ran off and I’m too weak to carry you to the nearest town. I’m your general but I can’t do more than when I was a nameless soldier. I should relinquish my position.” I lament on the truth of these events.

     “Kid, you are fit to be a general for saying that. General Niteblade thank you for saving our lives. And we are sorry that you must overcome that curse for us. If you turned we would’ve all died. But you overcame it. What is a few broken bones, gouges, and blood? Nothing compared to that curse. What matters is we are alive.” the Lieutenant adds from an adrenaline high.

     “Who can still stand?” I yell at the remaining soldiers who all yell back.

     “General let us alchemists lead them. The town must be burned down. If he was wandering that only means he ran out of livestock. Anything else?” the taller alchemist pats my back.

     “Bring the bodies here. I promise to lay them all to rest. They aren’t easily erased like our superiors think. One lonely regiment tucking a scary truth away from the public’s eyes. But we still have things we must do. Leave me here though. I have to finish that prayer for it.” I give the best orders I can with Pride’s essence merging into the mark.

In the encompassing light we walk

Through the straits of sin and talk.

Choices make the path. Undeterred,

We continue our journey. What we feared

Will soon burn away in the light.

Beings of stardust who think they’re right.

Our lies will burn away

Leaving nothing but ash.

Humanity is nothing divine

Nor will it ever be. Wine
Should be drank and bread shared.

Not taught or learned just shared.

There is darkness and light. Day and night,

The movement of celestial bodies around stars,

Give birth to the duality that leaves scars.

Rest in the light of dead stars and bask in daylight.
sa;bdry