The Somber Depths of the Heart

Shimmering shadows fading in and out
From a light source constantly moving.
Without a rhyme or a reason nothing remains
And the world always steers on ahead.
These shadows extend down into my being
Giving shade to the blistering pain held within
While bringing a blind spot to who I am.
If I escape the pain, forget about it completely.
Would the pain still be there? Or am I immune?
Immune to the longing for peace, love, and understanding
Like I numbed my senses into utter decommission.
The situation inside is quite dire.

Demons manifest in the shade of the Sun.
Shrieking horrors await beyond the bend,
Haunting my every breath beneath the gun.
They follow the valleys of my heart then rend.

My whole heart is coming undone, falling apart.
Rivers blood rise from within. Some dark proverb
Rings in my head: “If you seek sanctuary from pain,
You open the Gate inside. Demons pour in like rain.”
These aren’t demons from Hell but my own
Born from the depths of despair that I often drown in.

I need to get back up, fill my lungs, and breathe.
Exhume the demons from within so I can mend
This broken heart. It is up to me alone to tend
These wounds. What did the horrors truly bequeath?

Strength. I learned to face my hidden despair.
And all I have left to do is live and let my heart repair.
Perhaps I’ll find the despair again so I’ll prepare.
sa;bdry

We Stand As One — Humanity #prayersforparis

Love. It is what will get us through the hard times. In the recent events everyone needs to remember that. Bad things will happen but what matters more is how we make it through day by day. Some days bring great tragedy. My heart breaks with the weight of pain over what happened in Paris. I don’t know anyone who directly got affected by the terrorist attack but as a human being I can’t express my sympathy with mere words alone. This event has profoundly changed something in my heart and opened my eyes a lot more. I’ll dedicate my writing to the happiness of good people who deserve a lot more than to be hurt in ways so sadistic and inhumane. All my life I haven’t done enough for other people. I apologize if I failed anyone who needed help in the past. Today is a new day. A day where humanity can stand together.

About that Hiatus

Long story short I caught a cold a week or so  back. It cleared up. Wrote. Ended up getting sick again. I’m recovering from it still. I truly apologize to everyone following this blog. So if you guys want leave comments on this. I would love to talk about anything about the blog or future posts. So yeah take this as an unofficial Q/A.

The Four Fold Light

Dark beams of light ricochet
Off the mirror, four fold into the Heart
The prism shatters into dust.
What can you see, say, trust?

Chasing the gleam of light
For the end of days departs
Upon us in these local parts
Where nothing ever is right.

The four fold light breaks to dawn.
All our lies wrapped together
And hearts split and torn,
But together we’re sown and sworn.
We all got our own weather
To fight until the day we’re gone.

But how are you going to stand
When your palace is made of sand?

Feet sinking, hearts dropping, lives failing;
This second of depravity falls like the night
Upon the children of light. A new world awaits.

The light of humanity; compassion, love, brotherhood, and hope.
The light of humanity; compassion, love, brotherhood, and hope.

I’m Sorry I Can’t Lie

See the world today?
Millions of hearts beating
Reverberating throughout streets,
Roads, alleys, and neighborhoods.
Some of them get scared and stop
As the rest beat fast and strong, the tide
Rising up to cover those who left.
Ba dum, the life and death of a moment
Yet people keep denying what they’re seeing.

No place to get your mind together!
A constant battle with no reward,
A bloody weapon and a bloody life
Chasing each other until light is dark.
Nobody questions, nobody cares, nobody. . .
Nobody is here. An empty crowded world.
Numb your senses and fade away, eternal fade.
No place to get your mind together!

I see this and I fall inside;
Dante’s inferno haunts me forevermore.
Every circle to fall through and dread
But I don’r fall weak or frail. Afraid,
Yeah I don’t got an idea what is right or true.
Why can’t anyone else feel me? Am I ghost?

Drifting through the air unable to change a thing.
I try my hardest to only fade away, oh how I sing
Of the loneliness I face in a desolated world
And this time only winds up once. Life is poured.

How many tears does it take to drown Hell?
If only it could be done. Would we swim out?

No place to get your mind together!
A constant battle with no reward,
A bloody weapon and a bloody life
Chasing each other until light is dark.
Nobody questions, nobody cares, nobody. . .
Nobody is here. An empty crowded world.
Numb your senses and fade away, eternal fade.
No place to get your mind together!

I come across heartless but it’s funny.
The world heartless makes it sound like you don’t got one
But you do. It’s a heavy heart with no safety.
Yeah bullets fly but others can walk by, novocaine.
Me? I get torn apart but on the ground I live.
So maybe my tears don’t seem contrite but they are.
Is it contrite the way we spend our lives numbed up?
Never knowing real from fake and vice versa,
A life paradox. To be and not to be — our decimation.

If this world is a one time thing
Why do we sit still and inject things?
Live life, that’s what I’m trying to do
But this world puts nails in my flesh.

This isn’t right. Am I a liar to say that?
Everything feels foreign and fake
But I’m told to accept it as the truth.
That’s wrong. You don’t tell someone to lie
Even if it is for their own good.

No place to get my mind together.
They tell me I can’t do anything real
But I’ll bite the bullet to face my life.

So maybe I’ll cry so much that Hell drowns,
Maybe I’ll assimilate with those I hate,
Maybe I’ll find my own path to walk,
Maybe I’ll fall to no more than my own fault;
No matter what I do I move forward.stock-footage-shattered-window-glass-with-slow-motion-and-blue-sky-alpha-is-included

The Soft Resounding Heartbeat / I’m Alive Still

Upon open streets with no people
A memory clings. Is it in the cracks
Where the soul of man can be found?
From here to the horizon’s end the ground
Holds the resemblance. Follow the tracks
To the church, mosque, or temple.

No sermon today as the pews stand in silence,
No children crying, no harmony from whence
The room echoed. . .just a place without balance.

So heart broken in it all
I wilt prepared for dark things.
Hit the crest, pass tidal spikes,
Wake the storm from slumber deep.

Existence without a beat
Is a war with no escape.

My knees buckle and my fists hit gravel,
I get back up despite the new blood.
We’re all waiting just to see what will unravel
First, our hearts or our bodies. A great flood
Towers over the landscape we travel.

The soul of a man is inside of his chest
Because he gets to choose his own quest.
What’s worth bleeding and dying for?
Choices define people by what they swore.

See this horizon? Freedom. It’s glorious and humbling.
If you ever do go will you hold on or start fumbling?

Image by Nalavara
The heart is but a blade falling between two eternal planes of light and darkness. Is all that lay ahead meant to be asunder? Or can the blade be held back?

Update #1

I’m not feeling that great so I may take until Tuesday to get Part I of the City of Glass and the first chapter of Part II finished. I apologize for this momentary pause in blog updates. Thank you everyone for liking and following me. It means a lot. I’ll be sure to keep to this promise!

In even better news I’m thinking about what I’ll be writing after the City of Glass. I need to explain something first. Why do I write? I grew up in a small town in the fields of the Midwest. I didn’t think much about the world but I knew it is the place everyone calls home. My father, a farmer, worked hard to make sure the family had a good life. We did. Maybe my sisters and myself had it too good because we grew distant from the good times. We all strive for something greater and I know my sisters found it in their lives.

As the youngest of three kids I watched the other two grow up. I saw their mistakes and tried my best to learn from them. Years rolled by. Weakness grabbed me from my paradise. I got diagnosed with Muscular Dystrophy Duchenne at age ten. I didn’t think anything of it until I found myself in a wheelchair at twelve. Playing video games filled up my spare time. Subtletys of life stay the same. I grew unattached to everyone while I dug deeper into myself for an escape. I wanted to go to college after highschool for a chance at a normal life. I didn’t.

I couldn’t with my disease and family situation. I’ll be twenty-one in November and sometimes I feel like a burden to my parents. They gave me the chance at a normal life instead of abandoning me like many parents do to physically disabled offspring. I’m eternally grateful for this life because although I faced many struggles with this life somehow I never stopped seeing the good in it.

I started dedicating myself to thought. The world intrigued me and I wanted to understand my heart before doing anything serious. I started to see how many people live in want to further themselves. I didn’t think too much about it until I realized how many people are hurt by it. The LGBT Movement was great but we’re not far enough for  the change to be permanent. People are still starving in major cities but we care more about our pleasure. This is an atrocity to humanity. Everything scared me. I searched deeper and deeper looking for a reason to move forward. I found it.

Gandhi’s quote that says “Be the change that you seek.” touched me. I’ve wrote since I was a kid about worlds of fantasy. I longed for a world where people accept each other and stand together for the future. My dreams of change were revived by the quote. I can bring change to the world as long as I live for it. I promised to give my whole life to this want. My heart discovered truth, happiness, and purpose all at once.  How do I make this all work?

I need to be more open to my heart because I want people to abandon their greedy pursuits. If I can find a way to live in harmony with others maybe they’ll learn from me. Life is beautiful. Humanity is beautiful. Love is beautiful. The hippies had the right idea but it takes a pragmatic point of view to set things right. I want to spend my whole life helping others set this straight.

My future writings will be from my heart that bears faith in brotherhood, compassion, and change. I’ll love to take requests at any time. (I’ll set something up for that once I can.) Please if you take anything from Vasha’Lakar: don’t abandon anyone in this world.

Dancing White Flames

man-silhouette-on-bench-620x474
There’s a man sitting on a bench
At the corner. The bus has passed
Again and again yet he waits in silence.
A boy points at the man and asks his mother:

“Why does he wait there?
Did he not see the bus go by?”
“Son. He doesn’t know where
He wants to go. No clue why.”

The man went to war for a few years.
He fought hard for his life and his friends,
But dreams of seeing his daughter and wife carried him.
Every day apart hurts
And letters only help so much.

A robbery gone violent with one casualty.
The mother mourned and the father knew not.
Every day he held onto the locket
His daughter gave him. The lock is faulty.

The day came when an IED blew his world up
But it wasn’t in the Middle East.
An empty home is a true beast
But it only got worse. On the floor is a cup.

His daughter’s favorite. The cup is shattered
And a folded piece of paper lays upon it.
He cuts his finger on the edge
But the words put him down inside.

The letter told him everything.
Oh how the angels should sing,
He reels backwards to the sting.
This is the fall of a king.

His baby will never come back.
Regret washes over his face
As he falls to the ground in tears.

The phone rings and rings and rings
To a message on repeat:
“This breaks my heart
But times have changed. Broken wings.”

He sits at the corner waiting for his little girl
But he know the truth. . .she isn’t running late.
Protect what  you love, cherish what you have,
And remember what you’ve lost.

Autumn Wind

The wind passes through branches and leaves
Whistling on its way. A path to let go.
My cheek feels the wind’s gentle kiss
And I smile remembering tears in her sleeves.
I put an arm around her to no avail so
I touch her cheek with my lips without miss.

 Things changed. Dreams of paradise and love
Shattered with the coldness of reality
Leaving me in a lifeless void. I lost myself
To only find myself confused and broken.

Days are now months and the wound has healed.
Scarred tissue holds more than memories
Of tissues to my eyes and curses to her name.
We roll the dice in hope but we play no game.

Life. It’s a battlefield of hearts. Give and take,
Mistakes happen and hearts shatter like glass.

Either we piece them back together
Or we walk away forever.