A Motionless Dream; Part I, Chapter III

by Desnei, posted in Short Story

Falling endlessly through darkness. All thoughts of grandeur vanish, time slows down, and I remember the past. My mind escapes from reality to see the past as if the darkness is just merely a theater for my memories. Suddenly I wonder real fast about what’s wrong with me. I feel so numb about the possibility of dying. Screams can’t save anyone. If the end comes I need some answers before everything goes dark forever. I fell down a hole to jump through the rabbit hole straight into my mind’s reservoir.

I awoke in a motionless dream. . .

A beat of my heart echoes down into the depths of my chest. In it’s resounding it finds a way to travel ever deeper. I cry deep inside trying to understand why. The world cursed me and forbade me from the peace I longed for. Every beat of my heart is a scream for life. Peace remains just out of reach. My rib cage has been made up with knives sharpened by my breath. I’m preparing for a battle with my own demons to calm the rising tide in my veins. If memory serves right on the day when the calmness died my vision turned red. Anger and rage consumed everything else. I tried to sleep it off but it remained. That single day changed everything.

My best friend, her name eludes me now, called me up. She saw something strange in me like a brewing darkness, a premonition, something to fear. I cried for hours on the phone. My shirt’s collar filled up with tears. It strangled me with the realization that I created my own pain. She told me to meet here at the cafe that was only a few blocks away. I turned down her offer. My face is all red, eyes are puffy, and I felt like shit. She insisted on getting out of my apartment. I faked like I didn’t care about that and needed some sleep more. I hung up on her and texted her a sleepy emoji. She texted back a frown emoji. My heart beat reminded me that nothing was okay. I jumped in my bed, grabbed a pillow, placed the pillow over my face, screamed as loud as I could.

I laid there trying to sleep. Cars raced on by, radios rumbled through the air, and someone knocked on my door repeatedly. Anger raised ever further. I started biting on my lower lip until it bled. My mind tossed me around like a rag doll but I tried standing my ground to no avail. Every emotion I felt poured out of my heart like a roaring waterfall. What is a waterfall without water? A cliff that my hands have clung to in an attempt not to fall. I stifled back every tear my eyes tried conjuring up. I didn’t possess the strength for holding up against those waters. My mind reminded me that this is a flight of fantasy not reality. One would think that should’ve made this a lot easier but the truth doesn’t do much by itself. My heart abandoned the truth creating demons in the dark who constantly circle me like vultures to rotten meat.

The person knocked on my door again. I jumped up. I was fed up with whoever this was. I stopped caring and wanted time alone. My fists shook from my anger. She called out my name.  A part of me shattered under the weight of my friend’s words. I placed my hand on the wall next to my door. She called my name again.

“Hey, I should’ve know you would come over here. I really didn’t want to talk about it. You knew that. Why did you still come? I’m grateful you did though Holl’.” I cried a little as I forced up those words.

“Feeling so bad you can’t open the door? You’re my friend. I’ll talk to you even if the barrier is real. Is this the same barrier in our minds? A door we can open but refuse to see the doorknob.”

“I think you can still see it. The key is different. The key is made from yourself only when you’re willing.”

“And you aren’t willing?”

“No.” gently tears rolled down my cheeks, “Life caught up to me. I tried running from it. It never stops even for a second. Everyone fights it but sometimes you can’t fight the truth.”

“Stop fighting. We all need to surrender once in a while. It doesn’t kill us to admit we aren’t as strong as we’d like to think. You aren’t this type of person. You are the friend who loves to go to the coast and look at some hot guys then watch the sunset. I remember the day you nearly had a heart attack because a crab touched you. I laughed so hard at you then you stormed away all red. You swore you’d never talk to me again. That didn’t last long.” Holly started laughing at the memory.

“It was dark. And how could I say nothing to you about those lifeguards?”

“Most chicks don’t say, huh what was it again. Oh yeah! I’d drown on his big c. . .”

“Whoa, stop! The neighbors can hear you.”

“I can’t help you are a slut.”

“I can’t help that you don’t know when to shut up.”

“I can’t help you won’t let me in.”

“I can’t help that I’m. . .”

“That’s right. You can help  yourself feel differently. Just open the door. I really know I can get you to go to the cafe.”

“You better not scream something weird when I let you in.”

“Me? Nevah!”

“Uh huh.” I lowered my hand to the doorknob and turned it.

Holly barged right into my room. She tackled me to the ground. We cried for a little while. People from the apartment gathered around the opened door. We looked at them then each other. Holly smirked at me like she had a really great idea. She whispered to me that she was sorry then kissed me.

“I missed you my lesbian lover!” Holly shouted that so loud that a few people walked away but a few watched more intensely.

“I uh, what?”

“We haven’t talked in forever. I love you!” she closed the door.

“I’m not a lesbian.”

“I know that. You know that. They don’t. Are you coming? Either we stay here and those men attempt to eavesdrop and get a peek or we go to the cafe. I told you I had a plan.” she winked at me.

“You’re a crazy bitch.”

“It takes one to know one hun.”

“Fine! I’ll go with you. I really am more concerned about what my neighbors think now than wanting to be sad. You’re not allowed to come here ever again. I mean it.” we laughed knowing I’ll forget even that soon enough.

Tears flow down my face. I truly forgot about all of this. Holly, she is a friend that would do anything for anyone. Kindness is in her nature. What happened? How did I get to this other world? I am so happy to know I haven’t forgot who I am. She stayed around after everyone else left. She knows me better than I know myself still. What would she say about now? Oh yeah, “That monster we ain’t got in Jersey I tell you that fa sho.” If I get back home I need to slap her for making me go outside.
sa;bdry

The Truth Found Inside

by Desnei, posted in Who I Am

I decided to make a more personal post. Most of the people who read this blog know me only partially from what I write. I can’t say I know myself that well either. If we were to talk about my deeds I’m not much of a person. I’ll sacrifice my own joy for others. My choices haven’t always been the best for myself.

No reason can truly elaborate upon why. I have falsified my own self to make sure a friend never saw me in pain. Love is a very powerful weapon. When is it too much or too little? I am horrible at figuring that out. I wasted a lot of my years chasing love without understanding myself. My heart was a powder keg back then. Sometimes I wonder if it is still able to explode like in the past. What even lit the fuse? Lies, jealousy, and fear make a lot of sparks.

Six years ago I didn’t think much about right and wrong. Life went on by like it always had before. I tried my chance at love and failed miserably. I couldn’t keep a promise and never brought it up until it was way too late. Times have changed. I couldn’t lie if I tried but others still do and most times I say nothing even when I see their deception. My life showed me that it isn’t as simple as it seems. Sometimes things scare us, catch us by surprise, burden us, and hurt us. I don’t blame anyone for hiding from the truth I just hope they find it before too many bridges burn.

Jealousy sets in very easily. I see the good in me, I truly do, but sometimes I feel I can’t keep up with other guys. Never have I told a lover to leave her friends for me. A man has to be very petty if he resorts to those measures. I really have never found a way to combat this feeling. My jealousy and fear are intertwined. I fear that I’ll never live up to what somebody else wants. Despite my fear I keep pushing forward. Some people prove the fear right but I learned I can do better. I will keep improving myself with everyday for the right girl. She’ll deserve the best I can be.

Most of those emotions are superficial. I really value creativity, beautiful minds, and uniqueness far more than anything else. I look at the world with a much more magical fascination. Everything amazes me. People call me childish sometimes because I see more than anyone else does. I don’t think that’s the case. If I were to be narrow in my views I wouldn’t feel like me. I still value my dreams over anything else. Nothing else defines me as much as this paragraph does.

This is me. I go by the alias Desnei when my name is Donnie J. Nelson. My mind loves chasing grand thoughts, my heart burns red hot, my body is here to warm those that I love, my soul looks for ways to better itself, and I live this life. The truth found inside is that I am a compassionate person although I never show it often.

sa;bdry

A Motionless Dream; Part I, Chapter II

by Desnei, posted in Short Story

The world spins back and forth as opposed to a steady rotation in one direction. Obviously one can observe the fact that this is false. It is only in the inner workings of people that something so obscure can make any sense. Every memory that rewinds time for even a second does make a fantasy. The present keeps moving forward like a glacier across unsteady land. In uncertainty any tale can be made with the right amount of willpower. I gotta stand my ground or be swept away under miles of ice. The glacier is both time and anxiety bearing their weight down upon everyone. If I could run fast enough it’ll never catch up to me. If I could climb it I’d understand. And if I do nothing will it crush me like it did to all those who came before?

I trust this man for some reason. Maybe it is from the fact that he saved me from that man. How did Penelope love Odysseus after he massacred her suitors? Things happen that don’t often make much sense. I know I have never been here before and my name isn’t Rae. I am still stuck here. I hold tightly to his hand because I need something tangible. Time cascades forward as the last rays of sunlight cast across the land. We chase the shouts of guards straight into dusk.
His heavy breathing soothes my worrying heart. The blood that I have left to bleed doesn’t seem as bad as it did earlier. My throat is parched from holding back the truth. Should I tell him? I have to! He doesn’t deserve to not know what’s going on after risking so much to save me. I stop paying attention to him as I wrestle with my own thoughts. Suddenly I fall backwards when he stops running.
“What’s the big idea?”
“Please keep quiet.”
“Huh?”
“Stop talking. . .”
I lift my head up to see but he pushes it down. An oddly shaped shadow stretches across the ground. The jagged angles are not natural. A stillness washes over everything like a lump in my throat restricting me from speaking. Nothing changes. Back and forth moves the shadow as if the creature is pondering what’s in front of it. I accidentally let out a gasp. It stops moving. My heart is beating so hard I swear it could leap out of my chest. The creature takes in a deep breath like wind entering a cave then everything returns to stillness.
I hear its teeth clatter. Sharp, needle like teeth tearing away at both flesh and soul. This is the end. It will lunge at us and devour us in the most savage way possible. I begin screaming in my head stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, STOP!!! The beast roars. Blades of grass instantly dry out, burst into dry dust, and blows away in the wind. Fog begins rolling in. What is going on? I’m so confused. I wonder if I can say something now.
My escort slowly runs his hand through my hair. A shiver runs up my spine as he comes in and holds me against his body. I softly blush at the gesture. We are unable to see more than a few inches in front of us. The creature dashes through the fog most likely searching for us. I feel I should cry but the warmth of this man keeps me from doing anything. Do I have feelings for him? Am I just thankful he is here? All of this is so confusing.
Footsteps sound more and more faint. The fog is starting to clear. We are sitting in a circle of dirt yet he clings to me like a child to his mother. I smile at him. He drops me and jumps up. Our moment completely ruined. He sees me on the ground then offers me a hand. I refuse. After dusting off the dirt from myself I slap him across the face.
“What was that for?”
“You dropped me!”
“Oh, my bad.”
“Your bad? Excuse me. What is wrong with you? Save my life twice but drops me.”
“I think you’re over-exaggerating.”
“Fuck you.”
“Whoa but we’ve only met.”
“Huh?”
“You’re not Rae.”
“How did you know?”
“Your slap was too weak.”
“Is that some sort of snide remark?”
“Yes. You hit like a girl.”
“I know some girls that would knock you the fuck out.”
“But not you.”
“And Rae could?”
“Let’s not talk about this.”
“Pussy.”
“The kettle calling the pot black much?”
“Sexist pig.”
“Bahahaha, are you serious?”
“Uh huh.”
“Well I saved your life twice. Does that mean anything?”
“Thank you. Thank you. Fuck you.”
“Fine. I will.”
“Pervert.”
“Can we stop?!?!”
“Nope.”
“Where is another monster when I need one?”
“What was that thing?”
“A Shariez, Sha-Reez. They aren’t indigenous to here.”
“Why was it here?”
“No clue. I’ve met only like five in all my travels. Rae killed one. I studied the corpse and discovered unknown details about them. They’re blind. Shariez are creatures born from some dark and twisted magic. Drowned humans to be exact. A witch, sorcerer, or warlock fishes out the corpses then does a ritual to reanimate the beings. Before they can be used the eyes must be removed so that they lose all their self-imposed will. A Shariez wouldn’t go so far away from their master unless a very strong magician summoned it. I don’t know anything else.”
“So you pissed off some powerful magician? Nice job.”
“Okay. I shouldn’t have saved you from that human trafficker. They fund research into unsavory magics. I killed a ring leader and his boss wanted me dead.”
“Will there be more?”
“Most likely.”
“Why are you so calm?!?!?”
“Just follow me. I know a place where we’ll be safe.”
“Fine.”
He starts running deep into the forest. I run after him while looking out for more monsters. The last light of day begins to wane as I find the guy standing before a lone grave. I look around and see nothing around not a squirrel, not a bird, not a bug. My escort reaches in his pocket and pulls out a necklace with a locket. He lets out a deep sigh.
“Look in your pockets. Do you have a key?”
“No?”
“Just do it.”
I reach my hands into my pockets. A cold metal feeling settles at the bottom. Each pocket had half of a key in them. I never put these here. The halves click together easily. I glance at the man with a very confused look. He grabs the key from hands. It fits into the lock perfectly. A picture of him and beautiful woman resides in the locket. With a gesture I come over and help him take the top of the coffin off of this un-buried grave. He places the opened locket in the coffin then closes it.
“Now what?”
“Shh.”
Minutes drag on ever so slowly. He kicks me randomly then points at the coffin. I glance at him with another confused face. Neither of us move. A quiet knocking echoes from the coffin. My escort starts pointing at the coffin again. I walk over there and look at it. Nothing is different from earlier. My curiosity piques and I start lifting up the lid of the coffin. Where the wood was before only darkness remained.
“What is this?”
“Stick the landing!” he shoves me down the hole then jumps after me.

I awake in a motionless dream. . .
sa;bdry

We Stand As One — Humanity #prayersforparis

by Desnei, posted in Uncategorized

Love. It is what will get us through the hard times. In the recent events everyone needs to remember that. Bad things will happen but what matters more is how we make it through day by day. Some days bring great tragedy. My heart breaks with the weight of pain over what happened in Paris. I don’t know anyone who directly got affected by the terrorist attack but as a human being I can’t express my sympathy with mere words alone. This event has profoundly changed something in my heart and opened my eyes a lot more. I’ll dedicate my writing to the happiness of good people who deserve a lot more than to be hurt in ways so sadistic and inhumane. All my life I haven’t done enough for other people. I apologize if I failed anyone who needed help in the past. Today is a new day. A day where humanity can stand together.

The Mythic Sommerfall (Back to the Primordial Waters)

by Desnei, posted in Poetry

Twisting vines chase the droplets of water
Falling from the eaves far above a chasm.
The song of an engine’s roar and sputter echoes in the distance
Unbenounced to the mystical workings underground.

Radical differences, immutable choices, lost faith
Set the way towards indifference. A land of desolation
And apathetic people. The creation of another wraith.
Mechanical aspirations sloughed off by natural sedation,
An elimination of artificial beings. Sleep away.
The flood gate of my mind bursts. Sleep away.

Strangling dreams do possess me as I’m awake
In this often changing scenery. I slightly choke
On a fear consuming me. Am I simply fake?

Emotions pouring forth remind me that I do feel.
I’m reeling from a realization, an awakening,
That I don’t truly agree with. I slowly begin to kneel
And cross my hands against my chest. Running
Hasn’t saved me from this world. Can’t get away
From this atmosphere choking me. So I’ll stay.

The vines constantly chase a magical beginning
Or perhaps an ending, a place to rest for eternity.
Away from sight, out of mind; the price of dreaming.
Afraid of the mechanical beast ripping apart the Trinity.

People. They learn to rely on the progress of design.
It doesn’t make sense why but they are willing to sign.
A deus ex machina. A reason to live free under an ensign.

Nature. What does it take to create? A sacrifice.
Take the beauty and synthesize it. Roll the dice.
What can go wrong? Throw a sword blindly and it’ll slice.

Compassion. Everybody is looking for someone
Who sees the light deep inside. Most of them are gone
But back into the game. All the same ’til what remains is bone.

I await the magical epiphany of this life to which I pay homage.
The world remains scarred, torn apart. Let’s heal the damage.
sa;bdry

A Motionless Dream — Part I, Chapter I

by Desnei, posted in Short Story

What makes the world start and go? Is it the people or the movement of atoms? The clock clicks forward as the soldiers march over a battlefield littered with corpses. A machine made of flesh and bone grinds against the harden earth. Every breath breaks away at the wall that separates today and tomorrow. Caught in the hands of a forsaken man who drives into me the cords of my own defeat like a symphony of strings heard only as a city burns. So why does this keep going?
Circumstance. We live only in an attempt to say we’re not dead. The beauty to be seen is merely an illusion fading away into the endless darkness of the night. A little iris flower sprouting from the flesh of a dead man as if he is only soil. Perhaps that is the reason I seek. All I need is a little reminder that everything is everything. You might ask why. I have no answer to that except a gut feeling. My past is unknown. I am here but without memories so am I truly me?
I awoke in this motionless dream. . . .

The sweet smell of dew covered flowers overwhelms me. My blurry eyes open up, I blink a few times, and look around me. A grassy field stretches far beyond the horizon in every direction. I try standing up but my legs feel so numb. I sit up to get a better idea of my surroundings. Flowers dot the landscape, small plots of wheat sway back and forth against a light gale, and a tree sits a few feet away casting shade over me. I dig my hands into the soil beside me. It’s wet and rich by the way it feels between my fingers like a moist cake.
I expect a bug to crawl up my thigh but never does. I glance around to see if there are birds flying in the sky. None. An eerie silence parades through this place like a chill down my spine. My heart races faster and the scenery starts to spin. A fear, so tangible, grips me by my throat. I struggle to awake from this nightmare. The blue sky darkens to a purple with black clouds drifting slowly on by. My eyes close.
Bustling noise of people brings me back. I look around to see nothing from before except for the tree. Concrete fills the fields, people replace the flowers, and long gorgeous hair flows in the wind. I’m leaning against a wooden pillar holding up the awning to a little wagon showing its wares. A guy perhaps only a year older than me watches me with a charmed expression. I blush at him ever so lightly.
“I see you’re awake! We haven’t had many customers yet. The day is just so beautiful I guess. They all walk on by with smiles. It’s just a part of the trade. How was your sleep? Any dreams?” he eagerly fills me in on what’s going on.
“I uh,” hesitating from the fact I don’t know him, “I did. It was this place but without the town. A beautiful meadow where I couldn’t get up or speak. It was so weird.”
“Dreams do that. Maybe you’ll find some hidden truth in it. Most people move on from their dreams so quickly to live this life but the dreams had something to say. Do you remember our talk three nights ago?”
“I can’t say I do.”
“We’ve grown up a lot in the last two years. We know just who we want to be. I want to follow my father’s footsteps and sell this prdouce to these people. I don’t grow enough for a small militia but enough to sell and eat. When I asked you what you want to be you said you wanted to think on it. Do you know now?”
“Hm I can’t say for sure. I really want only one thing right now.”
“Me.”
“What?”
“What?”
“I was going to say I want to know what’s going on.”
“What we do every week?”
“I don’t remember any of this. Do you really know me?”
“Uh yeah? Is something wrong?”
“Oh. Nothing. I guess I’m just really tired or something. Everything feels a little off.”
“Haha, alright. I was scared for a moment. You looked like you were lost.”
“Maybe.”
“Maybe what?”
“Sorry. I’m thinking out loud don’t mind me.”
“Rae go for a stroll. I can hold the fort down. You just seem like you need some time and space. I’ll be waiting here so try to get back before dusk. I’d hate to not get home before the storm.”
“Alright. What time is it though?”
“A little pass three. If the Sun starts setting just come back. Some people in this town are very weird and I don’t want you to get hurt. Go to the gardens or something. Let go of whatever is bothering you.”
“Thanks.”
I quickly walk away. My memories don’t exist. I try to recall them but only nothingness is there. I only remember my name of Ilyianna. People wave at me like they know me. I wave back only half heartedly. The sound of my feet tapping on the cobblestone road sounds so unreal. Every step tears me from this reality a little more. Thoughts about the dream circle around in my head adding to the disassociation.
My feet stop for a second as I look at the ground. A little piece of paper sits there with a rock weighing it down. I look around to see if anyone left it but no one did. Most of the people mind their own business and keep to themselves. Nervous hesitation shakes through my arm as I reach down and pick up the paper. Words written in blood seep through reading:
If you can see this you have awoke. Good. My name doesn’t matter. I know of Ilyianna’s secret and I bet you want to know. I can’t write it down. You’ll understand soon. Remember this — The clock strikes the umbral heart at exactly light of dawn before the breath of day.
What is going on? What does that mean? Damn it! I have no clue what to think. I need answers not more questions. Ugh, please something start to make sense. I start running. People look oddly at me making me run faster. My heart beats so fast that it could jump right out of my chest. Someone sneaks up on me and puts a hand around my stomach. I scream but nobody hears me. The person gets right next to my ear.
“Be quiet. Did anyone tell you not to walk to this side of town? Some really unsavory types set up shop here. A pretty girl like you could catch a nice penny. Hell, they don’t mind if you’re used too.”
“Get away from me!” I yell.
“Oh how cute. Men like a woman with a little sass especially in bed. It makes it more worthwhile.”
“You’re a monster.”
“I like to see myself as an entrepreneur. The real monster is all of us. These bodies crave lust. I can’t help but give the masses what they want. Supply and demand.”
An arrow flies pass both of us hitting the ground nearby. The man at the wagon from earlier stands there with a bow. He smiles and walks closer. My captor lets me go to back away from this scene. Another arrow hits him in the shin. He screams loudly then whimpers. I run to my savior and cower by his side.
“Are you hurt Rae?”
“I’m just shaken up. I’ll be okay.”
“So what were you trying to do? I know this is a shady part of town but still. I want an answer.” firmly states the young man.
“I thought she needed help. Some of these unsavory types would violate her. Not I. I would never hurt a woman.”
“What do you do for a living?”
“Nothing.”
“Really? A man has been accused of helping the slave trade by preying on helpless women and children. A scruffy man who finds the only thing beautiful in the world is money. He couldn’t respect a woman if he saw one.”
“Watch your tongue! This is my district. Stay to your own. Don’t act so high and mighty when you never starve. Do you even know what it takes to stay safe in this world? By being the first one to act.”
“No. If I starved I wouldn’t hurt another just to eat. Fight your own struggle don’t involve others. It’s a test of will. A test you failed. Pick up your stuff, leave those good people be, and get the hell out of my town. Now!”
“And if I don’t?”
“The law doesn’t protect criminals and thieves.”
“It actually does. Until a self-entitled saint swings his morals around like a gavel. I don’t have to listen to you. I’ll be staying here until the end.”
“Rae, please turn away.” as he says that I turn.
A single arrow flies through the air. The tang of the string echoes through the cobblestone streets. People look up at the unfolding scene. I lean my back against the man wondering what he feels deep inside. How do you kill someone so easily? Why would he not back down? I don’t even know you. Why? He places a hand on my shoulder and kisses my cheek.
“We shouldn’t stay here. Come on. Don’t look back whatever you do.”
He drags me up off the ground. I catch my footing and start running to keep up. The gasps of the townsfolk perpetuate the smell of iron in the air. They don’t understand why. I don’t understand either. I just run to keep ahead of my doubts that will surely tear apart this reality. A hundred questions left without answer. I’m the criminal running from a forgotten past.
My heart beat stabilizes with every step away from the blood spill. I can’t fight an urge to look back. I slightly turn my head right before he places a hand over my eyes. He laughs at me and I glare at him angrily. I decide to not look back despite my urge.
“If you look back at the darkness you’ll never escape. Look forward. Do you see the light?” he stretches a hand out towards the setting Sun.
“Yes.”
“Stay focus on that. It will be the only way to awake from the darkness. I don’t know if I can take you there. I just hope you hold onto this. Don’t stay too long where you are lost or else you’ll become the reason why you’re lost. Learn to walk towards the light even by yourself. For now, just come with me.”
sa;bdry

About that Hiatus

by Desnei, posted in Uncategorized

Long story short I caught a cold a week or so  back. It cleared up. Wrote. Ended up getting sick again. I’m recovering from it still. I truly apologize to everyone following this blog. So if you guys want leave comments on this. I would love to talk about anything about the blog or future posts. So yeah take this as an unofficial Q/A.

Saetaria, the Storm and Me ~ Prologue

by Desnei, posted in Saetaria

I am all that I am and no more and no less. My name is Samael Horus Ophari. I live mostly by myself in a castle that was once my father’s. Two people try their best to keep me from falling apart and feeling useless. I wish this story could be about how my friends help me take the throne and save my country from utter destruction. I was too late. The world moved forward when I stood still in my own blindness. I lost everything I cared about. My words aren’t here to mourn what was lost but to explain my part in a revolution.

Who shot the first bullet? I did. I scoffed at the idea of getting my hands dirty but these hands were dirty since my first breath. I fell from an ivory tower. I believed the whole world wanted me to succeed. My thoughts were too narrow. The world I created is merely a catwalk from my safety into the fray. It’s crazy how I constructed a place so I could rest my head and it burned up in the atmosphere. I landed intact on the surface without my protective shell.

I watched my people succumb to an evil man. My father listened to threats when he only tried his best for the people. No one speaks up when true evil exists. Fear drives the wedge between righteous and murderous ideals. I have wanted to turn back the hands of time for one last glimpse at my father. He would know what to do. Nobody knows what is good until the day that goodness goes missing. My father inspired other nations into following suit in an economical reboot that placed focus on developing countries rather than thriving ones. A speech he gave the day before his assassination stays with me:

“Our duty isn’t to our singular beliefs. As leaders we must instill the will to carry the ideals of our nations. The figurative baton has been passed to us in this room. Do we neglect the generations of good people that came before us? I could never do that. My nation, Dragacia, faced a massive change after our prior monarch died.

He took advantage of the good people, threatened the world at large, unjustly taxed people until they could barely eat, and started a genocide. Nobody did anything. The good people found themselves hurt or worse if they spoke against him. Neighboring countries accepted his rash choices and supported his genocide. A few people from the targeted party abandoned their lives and ran. I don’t know how long they ran, how many died, and how often they cursed everyone else but I do know they escaped.

They didn’t just escape! They made their own city. A city where people can be people without fear. That is an example of a utopia. We could create an utopia as well. Perfection is a falsity. I simply want us leaders to help create a world absent of fear for good people. Some people won’t make it easy. They’ll say we are policing too much, we don’t value them as people, and we’re the things that go bump in the night. The utopia for good people relies on us to hold a stern hand against those that wish to perpetuate an endless war. Let me say a few more lines.

We have fought enough wars against each other. Why? We have different beliefs but the same ideals. The times have changed. We need to toss away our old feuds if the same things still drive us. A better tomorrow. Does it drive you every morning to get up and try? Some people get up simply for money. They abandoned so much of their hearts that it has calloused itself shut. I beg every single one of you to take a file and break open the doors once more. Our purpose for ruling isn’t money, power, or anything substantial to ourselves but we rule for the people. I’ll dismantle Dragacia’s military industrial complex, aristocracy, and wasteful agencies. If I do this the people of Dragacia will prosper. A nation isn’t the government it’s the people. Let’s do something for them for a change.”

Somebody didn’t take kind to my father’s words. I walked back to the bedchambers with him. We struggled to understand if those word were heard. He placed me on my bed and read me a bedtime story. The story had a guy who wore a weird smile that nobody liked. Dad joked about one of the diplomat’s having the same smile. An underestimated smile capable of making any situation better. A man with a hood walked in and stabbed my dad a few times and walked away forever. My eyes enlarged and my heart dropped. I yelled for my dad to speak one last time. He did.

“Smile forever. . .my son. I love. . .you.” he slipped away from this world with those words.
sa;bdry

A City of Glass: Part II, Chapter I

by Desnei, posted in Short Story

Ariex holds onto his bottle of strong liquor with some sort of intensity in his grip. The cold glass, wet from condensation, seems to be fighting against the heat of his hand. Both sides know a different part of the same story. Struggle. His hand knows only of hard work. The bottle knows only of rest.

He lifts the bottle to take a drink. The liquid flows down his throat with its briskness. Once it hits his stomach warmth spreads over his body. Every sip he gets this chill and warmth. A puff of air  trails out of his mouth after every sip. Is he setting atmosphere or forgot? Ariex coughs on the bitter air.

“So the Frealigayn is a term once used for a religion that swore it could send living creatures to the Other Side. They wrote down their findings much more like scholars than believers of a faith. One day they decided sending a human through the device could be possible. Their hubris wrought their own pain. The leader of the faith, Raejak Utheyn, offered himself as the guinea pig.

Now most religions wouldn’t let their leader sacrifice himself. This religion didn’t question his choice. They started preparing for the test that day. The scariest part of the device is how it  works. Manuscripts about it have been long sought at by scholars but to no avail. Only the children of those people have the knowledge. We promised to our parents to never let anyone know the truth. Do you promise to never tell anyone?” he tips his drink towards me.

“I wouldn’t. The things I can tell from this so far tell me something terrible happened.” I shudder at the thought.

“Terrible? Yes. The animal tests only asked for a little bit of blood. It isn’t their choice. The device chooses the sacrifice. My parents told me the day before the trial that the cost could be grave. They had no clue. They thought it would be a limb not their lives. How can a device make such a complicated choice?

A gift known as a Frealigayn was given to them by a demon. He told them it had their answers. The thing, drawings that I’ve seen, showed a scepter made of bones, flesh, and ten eyes. It spoke to them with overlapping voices. They knew the thing couldn’t be good. Why would they take it? God. They wanted to beg for him to deal with the monsters in Dragacia. At what cost? Their whole beings. A choice like that is selflessly selfish. I cursed them for being so stupid. But they always said they already cursed themselves by taking the gift and so it is their destiny to take their sin before their Lord.

I was young back then. I didn’t get what Dragacia had done. Apparently the King of Dragacia found his status by sabotaging people who called him friend. Every country came together in an attempt to thwart the plans of an evil cult known as the Lost Crusaders. What plan? Legend says thirteen hellgates exist. They opened eleven of the Hellgates. Long story short the current Dragacian King ran a group of people into the heart of the Lost Crusaders’ base. They killed every last one of the Crusaders except one they wanted to interrogate. Fine and all right? Not even bloody close. The place where they were isn’t no ordinary place on Earth. It ain’t here anymore.

The King who fought the leader of the cult noticed something strange. Old magics stirred in the corridors. Some call it a Xylexia, others call it God’s Library, all I know is the King couldn’t help himself. He read through books that the leader had on a table in his private study. Something explained that anything taken from Xylexia would condemn the holder. He could’ve accepted that day’s victory but he only looked at what could be gained. A single grain of sand from an hourglass he hid in the supplies of the other royalty.

Everyone learned how one man’s greed can destroy all that’s good in the world. My parents watched ghostly wolves tear an innocent man apart. No one can pinpoint blame but nobody will say the King of Dragacia didn’t do it. Every nation wants his head. He’s marooned in Dragacia because Orion, the King of Cetera, and Faelorin, the King of Aldrassil, have made it a prime directive to hold their enemy accountable.

Now, I don’t know who did what back then. I don’t care. Dragacia as a whole has started killing people who are different. These people don’t impose their beliefs on anyone but for believing they’re executed. Aldrassil ain’t much different but Faelorin tries to stop the savage blood spill. Syael (see-ale) is the Dragacian King and he sees nobody as his equal. He isn’t a king. He proclaimed himself as an Emperor of the World.

Isn’t that messed up? He isn’t the only one responsible for the state of Dragacia. A few of the generals have stood faithfully by Syael’s side. My parents knew this. They decided sacrificing their souls for a better tomorrow was fair. Many demons have appeared on the Earth is what they told me. They want to abuse bleeding hearts and use them to create an even greater evil. The scepter did help them at a cost. Syael has the scepter now. I need to get it back. So here’s the rest of the story.

They dug a hole to place the scepter in. The eyes opened and used magic to draw lines around it. For animals it made bowls for blood sacrifice. It made five graves for them to rest forevermore. I sneaked into the building they selected for the ritual. I watched as my father laid down inside one of the graves. My mother went to kiss him one last time but the eyes wouldn’t have it. Crystallized magic skewered my father through the chest bringing his heart out. Another guy died, one woman died,  another guy  died, and my mother was getting ready. I yelled for my mom to not leave me. A chill ran down my spine.

The eyes turned towards me. A voice called to me. My mother begged for the eyes to let me go. Something took over my body, walked me to the empty grave, and my lips went numb. She screamed and cried for my life. I knew the eyes had no intent in killing me instead. I wasn’t a fit sacrifice. She had no idea what the eyes wanted. They craved for suffering. My mom jumped into the grave to save me. I couldn’t be saved or spared.

The crystallized magic came out at an angle. My body soaked in blood and a heart right in front of me.  I screamed. A man behind me placed his hand on my shoulder and told me to hear him out. I said no. He dumped a bucket of water on me and hugged me. The words he told me still echo in my head.

‘Your parents did everything out of love. That device right there is an evil thing I want to see destroyed. I’ll go through this portal. Promise me that you’ll destroy this thing.’ he said right before stepping through the portal.

By the strings of my heart I will keep that promise. I was so close to snapping the scepter in half but a mysterious group of people took it. The only thing I could see on them were the letters R and P. Today, Dragacia can be such a strong military state due to the efforts of the Royal Protectorate. Something tastes ill to me about them. They’ll stop a movement in Cetera and Aldrassil both at the same time. If they took  the Frealigayn they have an endless supply of people. Evil be stirring deep in Dragacia’s walls.

I didn’t leave that place at first. I waited for something I didn’t quite understand. Every time I tried to leave it felt like a hand held my shoulder. Ghosts. My parents kept giving me hints to their secret study. The key is all I needed. A key my father wore around his neck always. Wrapped around the crystallized magic was a necklace holding a small, rusty key. The stench was the worst thing. Decaying and rotting matter has a smell unlike anything. As soon as you smell it your stomach flips and you’ll find yourself dizzy, sick, and gagging. I threw up.

My shaky hands break the necklace but I caught the key by some miracle. I saw a glimpse of my father. Face became sullen, veins in his neck shallow and colorless, and the soil underneath him remains wet from blood. His intestines sprawled around the crystal like vines around a pillar. I ran from that room. My heart and mind were going crazy. I fumbled with the key once upstairs.

The hints showed a place behind the fireplace. I moved the wood out of the way and reached my hand down a shaft until I felt a valve, turned it a few times, a metal plate fell down from the back of the fireplace revealing a key hole, and I opened it without hesitation. The whole fireplace was on a hinge. I scurried into the room on the other side.

A dim light glows from overhead. In the light I could make out a cabinet, a desk, and a map on the wall. Every object in the place had information on Frealigayns. They come in many forms. A spirit, a scepter, a critter, and almost anything can be made into a Frealigayn. The strength of Frealigayn comes from its sorrow. Deeper into the journals I found a myth about them from thousands of years ago. These demons exist for the sole purpose of gathering shards from broken hearts for the revival of some arch demon. Personally I’d rather believe they only do this for themselves.

You said the Frealigayn knew your name? That’s strange. What else d id he tell you to do?”

“He wanted me to not go to the port. Something about how him and myself will want revenge and get it together. He said I’d become something I’m not. He said he is the future of the man I’ll call a friend.” my hushed tone whispers through the wind barely reaching Ariex’s ears.

“I see. Was he really a Frealigayn then? I can’t say. Spirits are weird. They come to us in times of need and times of no reason. My parents still haunt me when I let all the filth get to  me. Love can be a stranger thing too. He wouldn’t have came that far to warn you about something for no reason. Maybe he wants you to do his own bidding  or he truly wants to give you a second chance.

All in all, the choice is yours to make. We let you leave somewhere far from Aldrassil or you live your life. The costs and benefits don’t exist. It’s a gut feeling you gotta trust. It’s really like love. You either wait til you are ready or you jump right in.”

“Ariex thanks for everything. You saved me from the freezing ocean, gave me stuff to eat and drink, told me stories, abandoned me to die to a ghost. . .I’m not going to forget that one. I told you I want to be a part of your crew. For better or worse that’s what I intend to do.’ we shake hands as a way to seal the decision.

A City of Glass: Part I, Chapter IV

by Desnei, posted in Short Story

Tides rock the boat back and forth. Memories of being a child falling asleep on a rocking chair after crying for what felt like a very long time. Does the Earth care about us in the same way? This oscillating movement culls the hearts of these men living on the other end of goodbyes. I feel their pain inside, their bitter taste of anguish, and their longing to change what cannot be changed.

Each of us cries in the dark. Friends, family, lovers, and other people who lost their lives so that we could live will never be forgotten. The captain’s face floods with tears that reflect the moonlight. He takes a moment to get his thoughts together but his hand keeps shaking from fear or anticipation. Every member of the crew looks at their captain with respect and admiration.

“These tears seem magical tonight. If only they could bring those brave men back to life. Only myself and another man survived that night. The monstrous tide sent most of the boats to the bottom of the ocean. Myself and the leading commander of those soldiers drifted on the wreckage for a little while. I wanted to fall asleep but the commander made sure I didn’t. A part of me knew living through that experience would forever change me. Did I really want to see the man I’d become someday?

The commander knew what I was feeling. He called it the truth of the heart. We tell ourselves we are strong but that’s not true. A heart is a city of glass. It can shatter as fast as it’s created. At the time I didn’t know what to believe. I wasn’t willing to listen to his philosophical outbreak but nowadays I understand. I understand that I’m alive trying to make something beautiful in this world but that beauty wouldn’t exist if there wasn’t something ugly. Loss. We all lose things that mean the world to us. Is it enough to break our hearts?

I know you wanted to hear more about the storm. My mind either blocked it out or I blacked out because all I remember is those words. It’s not like I need to remember their screams ‘cuz if I did I wouldn’t be able to walk away. Oh I still didn’t walk away because their names are tattooed on my chest. I carry the small memory of them with me. They’re living on in the memories we have of them. All of us here have similar stories of loss but it’s the lessons and memories that stay with us until the end of time. Yes, we live in their light now. Shine on and make them know we aren’t falling to our knees in sorrow.” the captain’s words echo in the cold air.

My hands shiver with the realization that I can’t have what I once had. Every day beneath a warm Sun will be cloudy to me. I don’t see myself caught in a rut or sad for what has happened. The captain said the truth. I must be the source of light for those lost in the dark. It’s funny that we help others with nothing of our own but it’s the fact that we can cope with the dark. I grab my drink off the side of the boat and gulp down the sweet liquor.

“Damn, sure enjoy the mead?” Captain Ariex scoffs at my demeanor. “What makes it so good? The sweet flavor or the warmth in your gut? It matters a lot how a man sees his pleasures. Much more than what he’d do to achieve his fix.”

“The flavor. The flavor encompasses everything. Every drop of saliva mixes with it. It’s the contamination of order with chaos. A simple reminder to never get so obsessed in your success. We all need to let go. The reason the world is bad isn’t at all because people are bad. Some of us don’t get our heads out of the game and get lost in self-imposed sorrow. We’re too unaware of the beauty. Sometimes we need to just sit down and look at it. Get away from reality because it is fiction. A cruel fiction where dreams go to die.” my heart wins over my mind once again.

“Interesting. Who taught you?” Ariex gives me an unsettling stare.

“My mother. We were poor and unable to pay for schooling but she did the best she could. Is there something wrong with my belief?”

“Chaos, it’s the power of nature not man. The townspeople in the port town of Eyzianfell don’t take kindly to those that talk about chaos.  They believe all the magic folk who gave their souls to nature are chaotic beasts.  I can’t stomach to walk into the forest where the townspeople strewn up the corpses those they don’t like. Kid, get a strong stomach if you ever venture that way. All the sweetness in the world doesn’t protect anyone from that sight. Murder makes no sense except when you put possessions over people.”

“How can they,” I take a heavy gulp, “do something like that?”

“By coveting false deities. Atheists still have a deities but it is them and everyone else is supposed to praise them. I’ve met some nice people in my life who believe in gods and those who don’t. Some people simply lie for their own benefit. One can seek salvation out of greed. Those are the people we want to avoid. Can we deny their transgressions? This is the place where we fucked up as a species. We can’t let these type of people run free because they are demons in human skin. It’s nothing about religion. They just want to destroy everything no matter the cost. All walks of life have these monsters. We need a way to get rid of them or help them see life anew! I’m just a captain on fishing crew. I still know we have a long way to go before it can happen. If I ever am in town when those people go on their hunts I may never see daylight again.”

“The world has made you into a powder keg. Let’s hope I’m not the fire to light the fuse.”

“Yeah. Do you want to join the crew? We stop at the port for two days. Day one to sell, day two to get provisions. We’ll be on the seas by Thursday.”

“Damn,” I scratch my head, “I haven’t given it much thought. I know nobody from outside of Dragacia. What else could I do?”

“Dance. Yeah no, only way to be someone in Eyzianfell is to know someone. You know me right?” the captain generously smiles at me.

“Yes,” I smile back, “I do know you Captain. What should I do when we reach the port?”

“I’ll figure something out. The seas be a-blowing ill will t’night from the red morn. Worry more about now or we’ll never see the port.”

A whipping sound echoes around the ship. Ariex starts coughing and the ship shimmers in and out of existence. Screeching screams pierce through the night. Green mist rolls in covering everything. One of the crew screams out in agony. A need to go into the ship’s cabin enters my every thought. My feet refuse to move. The sound of a lock turning compliments the dropping of my heart.

All of the mist collapses inward upon itself creating a shadowy figure. It grabs me by my throat. The intent to kill trembles in its hands but they don’t squeeze. Time stands still as the screams subside. A feeling that I know this creature haunts me now. How would I know it? He has no face. Wait, how do I know it’s a he? Can he just. . .

“Rayne, we haven’t truly met before. We will. Something we both will regret. I do want to kill you to keep that from happening. I can’t. Your body has too much light for me to touch. How can such an evil man have so much light? We can only collide with our destiny. A pity. Please, my dear friend, don’t go to Eyzianfell. It will break  you, you will abandon your promise to Olivia, and we’ll get our revenge but the cost isn’t worth it. I’m begging you to just walk away from your revelation. The simple genocide of a race isn’t worth the world! For the love of all things run away from everything.” the specter whispers to me in a calm voice.

“Who. . .who are you?” I utter quickly with a gasp for air.

“A memory. The Green Hand, Poison, a monster, and I was once a man. A man. If I could give you an answer I would. My Lord will soon send in his servants to destroy this visage. I hoped I could end this. . .this fall from grace. Power doesn’t mean anything if you lose yourself in the process. Our sins won’t stand up to people just like who you are now. They’ll preserve the beauty in Olivia’s name as you destroy her for your selfish aspiration. Be quiet, live in a small town, don’t question the world, live by your religion, and don’t let this world change you. The stupid wisps thought they were helping an unlucky kid. They gave birth to a monster who will destroy this world.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” I cough from the lack of air. “If I know you someday why didn’t you stop me? We can’t change the past. You want to? You’re the one messing with the world. If I do change I know other people won’t let me burn this world down.”

“Yeah, I do know you someday. We both have a thorn in our hearts. We’ll get overzealous and lost in the game. Sssen and me will wait for you in our palace of good intentions.”

“Who?”

“A monster that was never a man. Rayne, do good and follow your gut. In Heaven’s gardens or Hell’s ruins I’ll still call you a friend. Good bye.” he disappears into the darkness once more.r

“Is it over?” someone in the cabin utters. “I can’t tell. Ariex get your head out of the way. Woah, woah, I should fling you out there with the Fyrealigayn. Shush he can hear us. No shit! Hold me! What?  I’m scared. Let’s sacrifice him. Any objections? Nay. Nay. Nay. Nay. Nay. The horses have spoken.”

A huge amount of noise rumbles in the cabin. One of the crew mates breaks through the door with his back. I sit there staring at them all. Ariex slowly inches out with a puzzled look. No one says anything. The crew mates set sail for Eyzianfell.

Ariex sits next to me. We stare at the night sky. Fish leap in the wake of the ship. The cool night air soothes my lungs. Drink after drink I find myself further lost in the dark. Words pile up in my head but my mouth feels dry. I need to move on and ignore that visage.

“Son. What happened? The Frealigayn had a few minutes with you. They usually kill without reason. A ghost trying to be made whole once more through murder. What happened?”

“I don’t want to talk about it. He knew my name. Are you sure that’s what they want? To be reborn?”

“That or a legend could tell you more. Want to hear it?”

“Sure.” the waters calm down and the moon shines a little brighter.