The Four Fold Light

Dark beams of light ricochet
Off the mirror, four fold into the Heart
The prism shatters into dust.
What can you see, say, trust?

Chasing the gleam of light
For the end of days departs
Upon us in these local parts
Where nothing ever is right.

The four fold light breaks to dawn.
All our lies wrapped together
And hearts split and torn,
But together we’re sown and sworn.
We all got our own weather
To fight until the day we’re gone.

But how are you going to stand
When your palace is made of sand?

Feet sinking, hearts dropping, lives failing;
This second of depravity falls like the night
Upon the children of light. A new world awaits.

The light of humanity; compassion, love, brotherhood, and hope.
The light of humanity; compassion, love, brotherhood, and hope.

A City of Glass: Part I, Chapter III

“I must return to my other form. If only I could stay like this a little while longer. Hold me until I am no more.” small tears roll down her cheeks.

“Olivia,” I wrap my arms around her shimmering visage, “It doesn’t matter what form you end up taking. You’ll forever be you. I love you not your flesh. Stay close to me if you feel cold, put your trust in me, and look towards the future. Everything is unknown. I need you by my side until the very end.”

“Do you mean all that Rayne?” We both lean in for a kiss. The cold water feels warm for this moment of intimacy. I touch her warm lips, our tongues me between, and I find myself lost in the beauty that is Olivia. It’s moments like these that make life worth living. If only it could last forever.

“Uhm I. . .” a man coughs in the distance “Are we intruding sir? It seems you have something for wisps.” I abruptly stop to see Olivia’s wisp in front of my eyes. I blush out of embarrassment at them coming across this unfolding scene.

“You caught me. I saw the wisps on the Ocean and had to come out here for my guilty pleasure.”

The big man who spoke first scratches his head. A few of them talk about something in whispers and laughs. An affirming cough stops their gossip but the big man tosses one of them into the water.

“Do you see any other wisps out there Sean?”

“First off, what gives you the idea of throwing me into the ocean? Secondly, I see no wisps around here except one. Oh and Captain Aerion. . .” Aerion throws a tacklebox at him.

“Well Sir where did all the wisps go to? If in your pants I’m leaving you with my crew mate for a talk. Wisps don’t belong there!” Aerion tosses his hands in the air and walks in a half circle.

“I have no clue how the wisps disappeared. I fell into the water on the coast of Dragacia and this wisp led me here. They saw I was on the brink of death and dissolved into my skin. Have you ever heard of that before?”

Aerion scratches his chin as he looks me over. Silence fills the open air, another crew mate grabs a few bottles of beer out of a cooler, the one in the ocean swims back to the ship with the tackle box, and everyone sighs even Olivia’s wisp. They help me into the boat.

“Find yourself a seat. Anywhere is fine.” I move a fishing pole over to sit down on the side of the boat. “I often walked the streets as a young lad in my very early twenties. I didn’t know if I was after trouble or women but both were hazardous to my health. Neither wanted me although I kept going for those walks to talk with the sailors, soldiers, and anyone coming in from the port. One harsh Winter found two crews lost in the sea. I went onto the sea with a few soldiers to find the sailors but we found ourselves in the middle of a nasty storm.”

“How did you escape? Most times a rescue party can’t take a large ship. I’m sorry I love stories like this.”

“We had a ship that could barely hold the five of us on it. The boat nearly capsized what felt like eight times. Every wave we crossed felt like a life’s journey, A soldier shouted ‘I see the two crews in the distance!’ we followed the direction he told us to go. Everyone helped each other to tie ropes to the vessels. Somebody up in the Heavens abandoned us on those waters. A trial to see who would be fit to walk away from that tragedy. We cheered when the ropes were finally tied but only I saw the waters recede. A legendary tide  rose above us like a beast straight out of Hell with teeth gnashing and spit flying. The amount of hearts that dropped made a sound so terrifying that every fiber of our beings were left asunder. Kid, I’m sorry give me a few minutes to honor the memory of those who died on that day.”

Each member of the crew places their drinks down. We sit there in silence watching the tides under the stars and moonlight. Thoughts of people sacrificing everything for others create an anchor holding the rest of us upon a thin plain known as reality. The pain of losing a good person for any reason can destroy anyone. Why do others have to hurt them? Why must we be afraid? A horror that reminds me that I’m finite.

The Weight of a Heart

Forgotten days in a slumber,
No matter what I do I can’t remember
And it’s killing me on the inside.
Lately I kill myself to cope, my self homicide
Cuz’ I keep on breathing and screaming.
I walk a path of no return with bells a ringing.

Looking for some way back home
Where I don’t feel my heart’s wound.

A lazy afternoon tossing rocks across water
But every single one sinks without a skip.
My heart suffers the weight. Trying harder
In denial of the fear as I fall on a spear’s tip.

The Sun dips below the horizon with it’s own grace
Never concerned with reason. In this Season
Before Winter the days shorten. No long day race
To dissuade me from mending. Winter is evident of my treason.

The Summer burns away my false skin showing
A stitched up heart beating oh so slow ‘n steady.

I feel everything. This anxiety builds up inside of me
And at any moment I might just tear out my heart.
Soon the first frost will cover every bare nerve.
My chilled blood residing in my heart will circulate and start.

Old scars reopen. I remember everything but I must change from inside.
This time is my reset. A day I can find somewhere for my heart to reside.

All things change like the heat of a flame. Sometimes you just need a little fuel.
All things change like the heat of a flame. Sometimes you just need a little fuel.

I’m Sorry I Can’t Lie

See the world today?
Millions of hearts beating
Reverberating throughout streets,
Roads, alleys, and neighborhoods.
Some of them get scared and stop
As the rest beat fast and strong, the tide
Rising up to cover those who left.
Ba dum, the life and death of a moment
Yet people keep denying what they’re seeing.

No place to get your mind together!
A constant battle with no reward,
A bloody weapon and a bloody life
Chasing each other until light is dark.
Nobody questions, nobody cares, nobody. . .
Nobody is here. An empty crowded world.
Numb your senses and fade away, eternal fade.
No place to get your mind together!

I see this and I fall inside;
Dante’s inferno haunts me forevermore.
Every circle to fall through and dread
But I don’r fall weak or frail. Afraid,
Yeah I don’t got an idea what is right or true.
Why can’t anyone else feel me? Am I ghost?

Drifting through the air unable to change a thing.
I try my hardest to only fade away, oh how I sing
Of the loneliness I face in a desolated world
And this time only winds up once. Life is poured.

How many tears does it take to drown Hell?
If only it could be done. Would we swim out?

No place to get your mind together!
A constant battle with no reward,
A bloody weapon and a bloody life
Chasing each other until light is dark.
Nobody questions, nobody cares, nobody. . .
Nobody is here. An empty crowded world.
Numb your senses and fade away, eternal fade.
No place to get your mind together!

I come across heartless but it’s funny.
The world heartless makes it sound like you don’t got one
But you do. It’s a heavy heart with no safety.
Yeah bullets fly but others can walk by, novocaine.
Me? I get torn apart but on the ground I live.
So maybe my tears don’t seem contrite but they are.
Is it contrite the way we spend our lives numbed up?
Never knowing real from fake and vice versa,
A life paradox. To be and not to be — our decimation.

If this world is a one time thing
Why do we sit still and inject things?
Live life, that’s what I’m trying to do
But this world puts nails in my flesh.

This isn’t right. Am I a liar to say that?
Everything feels foreign and fake
But I’m told to accept it as the truth.
That’s wrong. You don’t tell someone to lie
Even if it is for their own good.

No place to get my mind together.
They tell me I can’t do anything real
But I’ll bite the bullet to face my life.

So maybe I’ll cry so much that Hell drowns,
Maybe I’ll assimilate with those I hate,
Maybe I’ll find my own path to walk,
Maybe I’ll fall to no more than my own fault;
No matter what I do I move forward.stock-footage-shattered-window-glass-with-slow-motion-and-blue-sky-alpha-is-included

The Soft Resounding Heartbeat / I’m Alive Still

Upon open streets with no people
A memory clings. Is it in the cracks
Where the soul of man can be found?
From here to the horizon’s end the ground
Holds the resemblance. Follow the tracks
To the church, mosque, or temple.

No sermon today as the pews stand in silence,
No children crying, no harmony from whence
The room echoed. . .just a place without balance.

So heart broken in it all
I wilt prepared for dark things.
Hit the crest, pass tidal spikes,
Wake the storm from slumber deep.

Existence without a beat
Is a war with no escape.

My knees buckle and my fists hit gravel,
I get back up despite the new blood.
We’re all waiting just to see what will unravel
First, our hearts or our bodies. A great flood
Towers over the landscape we travel.

The soul of a man is inside of his chest
Because he gets to choose his own quest.
What’s worth bleeding and dying for?
Choices define people by what they swore.

See this horizon? Freedom. It’s glorious and humbling.
If you ever do go will you hold on or start fumbling?

Image by Nalavara
The heart is but a blade falling between two eternal planes of light and darkness. Is all that lay ahead meant to be asunder? Or can the blade be held back?

A Deep Blight / A Friend Lost

Light, thin leaves fall from olden trees.
Months before Autumn,
A corruption takes hold as our eyes close.
Floating in an open dream,
Unsure of what’s reality
And what’s fiction, desires at hand,
Eternity’s gates open,
Time races by, life withers away.

How does one sip sweet ambrosia
To slip under the veil of lies, Lethe?
Shattered memories, forgotten days;
Forsaking everything for sole salvation.
What of trepidation? Immune. Oblivious.
A lifetime under the Sun and Moon
Scorned, forgotten, and lost. Why?
Darkness swept away the daylight
And twilight haunted the path.

If I could place myself right next to you
Would it be the same? A broken life to renew
But you ran away. Where did you go?
I was a friend, a comrade; am I now a foe?

Your lips touch the metal of the chalice,
My heart beats faster and faster,
A sweet liquid pours down, I roll the dice,
Praying to not lose my friend. Water;
Quenching your thirst but the taste ain’t nice
When all you drink gets sweeter and sweeter.

Tell me why this world falls apart!
You enter paradise and walk over the fire,
No idea of what’s going on. Does it fix anything?
Does denial hold you in the dark of night?
Swallowing deathly toxins, rolling in the dirt,
And walking away from the panorama of despair.
Does this make it easier? Does this satisfy you?
Nothing to grieve, no respect to give, no life to live.

I gave you a home, solace, and time.
What did you give? Or did you just take?

Update #1

I’m not feeling that great so I may take until Tuesday to get Part I of the City of Glass and the first chapter of Part II finished. I apologize for this momentary pause in blog updates. Thank you everyone for liking and following me. It means a lot. I’ll be sure to keep to this promise!

In even better news I’m thinking about what I’ll be writing after the City of Glass. I need to explain something first. Why do I write? I grew up in a small town in the fields of the Midwest. I didn’t think much about the world but I knew it is the place everyone calls home. My father, a farmer, worked hard to make sure the family had a good life. We did. Maybe my sisters and myself had it too good because we grew distant from the good times. We all strive for something greater and I know my sisters found it in their lives.

As the youngest of three kids I watched the other two grow up. I saw their mistakes and tried my best to learn from them. Years rolled by. Weakness grabbed me from my paradise. I got diagnosed with Muscular Dystrophy Duchenne at age ten. I didn’t think anything of it until I found myself in a wheelchair at twelve. Playing video games filled up my spare time. Subtletys of life stay the same. I grew unattached to everyone while I dug deeper into myself for an escape. I wanted to go to college after highschool for a chance at a normal life. I didn’t.

I couldn’t with my disease and family situation. I’ll be twenty-one in November and sometimes I feel like a burden to my parents. They gave me the chance at a normal life instead of abandoning me like many parents do to physically disabled offspring. I’m eternally grateful for this life because although I faced many struggles with this life somehow I never stopped seeing the good in it.

I started dedicating myself to thought. The world intrigued me and I wanted to understand my heart before doing anything serious. I started to see how many people live in want to further themselves. I didn’t think too much about it until I realized how many people are hurt by it. The LGBT Movement was great but we’re not far enough for  the change to be permanent. People are still starving in major cities but we care more about our pleasure. This is an atrocity to humanity. Everything scared me. I searched deeper and deeper looking for a reason to move forward. I found it.

Gandhi’s quote that says “Be the change that you seek.” touched me. I’ve wrote since I was a kid about worlds of fantasy. I longed for a world where people accept each other and stand together for the future. My dreams of change were revived by the quote. I can bring change to the world as long as I live for it. I promised to give my whole life to this want. My heart discovered truth, happiness, and purpose all at once.  How do I make this all work?

I need to be more open to my heart because I want people to abandon their greedy pursuits. If I can find a way to live in harmony with others maybe they’ll learn from me. Life is beautiful. Humanity is beautiful. Love is beautiful. The hippies had the right idea but it takes a pragmatic point of view to set things right. I want to spend my whole life helping others set this straight.

My future writings will be from my heart that bears faith in brotherhood, compassion, and change. I’ll love to take requests at any time. (I’ll set something up for that once I can.) Please if you take anything from Vasha’Lakar: don’t abandon anyone in this world.

A City of Glass: Part I, Chapter II

I open my eyes to see her head fall down onto my shoulder. She struggles to breathe but forces her head to turn towards my left ear. Her heartbeat speeds up, fear makes us both tremble, and I finally notice the blood. A bullet lodged itself in her rib cage after piercing one of her lungs.

“I forgot to tell. . .you why I came here. The royal army. . .sent their new. . .regiment to kill. . .the Mystical Veil. People who believe in religion. . .practice magic. . .aren’t deem human. . .will die. I wanted. . .you to. . .be hap. . .happy.” Her breathing stops but she kisses my cheek.

“I am happy! Don’t go before you know that. I was extremely happy that you came here to save me! You never let go of your promise to be there whenever I fall apart. I don’t want to leave your body here. What’s the purpose of all this? Please I need to hear you once again! Don’t die!”

“Ru..uh..n. . .” She rolls off of me with her failing strength.

My heart drops to the bottom of my chest while tears flood my eyes. I struggle getting my feet underneath me. The world spins around me and my stomach feels uneasy. I can’t hold it back. I never found myself shy to blood but this is far too much, too personal, and too real.

I get myself steady after the queasiness passes. Her last word repeats in my head. Run. Run. Run. Run. Shouts of men can be heard in the forest before the cliff. I can’t get pass them and I know that. I look to the sky beyond the cliff to see the Sun setting. My heart beats faster and faster until I begin running headlong towards the edge.

“I’m not worth your bullets! I’ll end this for you! Don’t go looking for me because the ocean will be my grave unless fate has something else in store for me! Let’s place a bet! If I come back I won’t be alone and we’ll take back this land for the memory of all who died to your destructive beliefs!!!” Gunfire sprays from the forest but not a shot hits me as I leap off the cliff.

I feel like I’m flying until gravity pulls me towards the rocks. Regrets cry out from within but I can’t say a word  as I fall like a spear into the sea. I’m sorry I couldn’t get away. They weren’t going to talk and I wanted to die next to you. Why did you tell me to run? Run to where? Save me somebody! My silent screams dig themselves into my spine forcing me to feel this unrelenting, crawling chill.

     Today is the worst day ever. I let my emotions get in the way and I almost killed myself. I killed the one person who made this life bearable. Her blood is on my hands. What God would. . .no this is the act of indecent men. If there is a God I need you now. Do whatever it takes just let me live through this day. I want to live on to be a thorn in the hide of evil so I can show light even in the dark. And if that is too much to ask then let her take my place in Heaven. I know she never believed in you but she never judged me for believing. She encouraged me to love you and if it wasn’t for her I’d be lost in my own sorrow. A life for a life is fair trade. I can’t ask for anything more.

    I close my eyes in anticipation of the end. The whole world shrinks to this place in the way a tragedy highlights the death of the protagonist. A single man isn’t wholly good or wholly evil but today one takes the stage. I am saying my last rights in my head as a wind touches my back as I am flung forward into salty water. My eyes open in my confusion to see a light above my head.

“A little wisp? They hide from people. What is it doing here? Did you. . .” I reach my hand towards the ball of light. “Who are you?” A familiar warmth startles me.  “Is this even possible?”

“Run.” The small wisp moves ahead and waits for me. I float in the water in a breathless daze while I look at my hand. “Run.”

I swim towards the light. The wisp keeps moving into the open ocean. Night descends upon us, the wisp leads on, I follow, and my heart feels her presence all around me. Whispers can be heard somewhere off in the distance but I can’t stop. My life is still in the hands of fate. The freezing water is slowing me down. My sense of touch fades away.

Suddenly the wisp rushes off into the night without me. Cold stiffens my joints and stings my throat. I can’t move. Did I follow a random wisp for no reason risking my life in the process? The warmth was so real like Olivia’s. I miss her. I grasped at the first thing to remind me of her. An old love  found in the warmth of another. I’m truly pathetic if I seek her so badly. Love is a great thing until the day it falls from the hands of whoever holds it. I still feel her love although she’s gone.

My eyes begin closing. A lot of little lights come into view in front of me. My body starts shutting down. Darkness covers everything once again. I could float endlessly in the tides like a rocking chair lulling me to sleep. Pinholes of warmth spread across my body letting me open my eyes once more. The wisps fade into my skin, they sing a song as they come to me, and magically my life recovers.

The world we once loved,
It has been made different and changed.
Some point we fell from our life
And found ourselves under a scythe.

Together we sing of light
To break us out of this endless night.
Our tears can flood
But no more do we have blood.

Something holds us to the Earthen soil
Although we left this mortal coil.

     Every light fuses with my body except for one. It floats in my reach as if waiting for something. Olivia’s light hasn’t touched me yet. Can this be her? What should I do? I reach my hand out towards the light only to see Olivia materialize before me. The whole world feels right once again.

     “I can’t stay long Rayne. I came to give you a final goodbye in this form. I’ll follow you endlessly as a wisp though. I heard you blaming yourself. Dumb ass! I did what I wanted to do because I love you. If I didn’t I would’ve let you get impaled by those rocks earlier.”

     “Do you have to criticize me even when you’re dead? I thought maybe this could be romantic but. . .” she kisses me quickly.

     “I do love you and that’s why I criticize. A ship will be here soon. I’ll be a wisp by the time they reach us. These people hunt a rare fish that breeds under the light of wisps. Go with them to wherever. You’ll have a good life. Forget about the past, keep me near, and move forward. Rayne, babe, I need you to promise me that you won’t ever come back to Dragacia. A horrible genocide will begin. I can’t handle the thought of losing you to those soldiers. Please promise me.” her body begins to shimmer and fragment.

     “I promise. We can be together forever this way. I’ll never let go of that as long as you’re around.” I kiss her back just before she turns back into a wisp.

A City of Glass: Part I, Chapter I

     My feet stand at the ledge of a cliff. Jagged rocks at the bottom claw towards the sky above. The gentle wind begs me to take another step, my heart clings to the Earth with memories, and the whole world spins on. I stare across the blue sea while licking my dry lips.

     “These ghosts follow so closely to reality. Inside these machines it’s electricity giving meaning to their movements. Is every dream the remnant of a creature or the decay of metal? If pain has no reason and dreams are meant to shatter then I can’t stay here anymore. Let me take this step, my gentle heart, because we weren’t strong enough to face the horrors of this world.” I try to take a step but my body won’t listen. “Why can’t I just run away from this place? Days after days I find myself here again. I’m unable to will myself.”

     Rushed footsteps echo from behind as two arms wrap around my chest. I fall backwards against a soft body. A hand plays with my hair and light giggles fill the world with joy. I reach up to touch a familiar cheek as warm as sunlight. Both of us smile for what feels like an eternity.

     “You look happy. Why. . .” she slaps me across the face, “Why in the world would you think about jumping!? You’re such a dumb ass sometimes. Did you know that? I won’t let you up until you answer me. Why?”

“Other people live so blindly. I can’t even tell if we’re the same creature. I don’t know if I want to know the truth. They told me that my God is an illusion. I told them they’re wrong but no I’m the criminal for believing in something more. What’s so wrong to look beyond this place of broken dreams? I want to get away from them before my heart breaks apart. You stopped me from taking the step into the other world. Do you do it out of love or do  you want me to fall and shatter? The cynics in this world push me too far. I can’t even see the good sometimes. Maybe they’re right that there’s no God.”

     “They’re wrong. God lives inside of you. Nobody can take away what makes you you. Let them say we are wrong and diseased and let them know we won’t ever change. If you don’t defend who you are they will rip you apart,put their beliefs inside of you and sow you back together with your own heart strings.” She slowly bends over to kiss my cheek.

We sit there in silence. The only noise is the song of birds echoing endlessly throughout the coast. If I listen closer I can hear her heartbeat. Ba dum, ba dum, ba dum, ba dum. I wrap an arm around her making her smile at me. A shiver runs down my spine. Words fill my mind but a knot in my throat stifles every attempt to utter a single breath.

     She leans against me, I let her get as close as she wants, we both turn our faces toward each other, eyes meet, a fire inside burns ever brighter, we lean in for the kiss, our lips touch, her tongue touches mine, time stands still, and a glorious light fills my eyes. Sensations flood my mind. I can’t tell what is going on but part of me doesn’t care. The haze in my mind clears up to show her above me staring into my eyes with a lost, enchanted demeanor.

     “Where does this begin and end? Caught in a swirling whirlwind. I want so much to give you all of my heart. The lovely way you enter my life, break the shell on my heart like a castle  wall, and maybe this a coup d’etat but I know my sins so I’m willing to place my life in your hands. Bring justice or bring salvation.”

     “Lay silent me Lord. Talk is cheap on the edge of love and lust. We could give in, let go, and be free. I love you.” A gun sounds off in the distance creating a chilling moment where time felt surreal in a bad way.

Dancing White Flames

man-silhouette-on-bench-620x474
There’s a man sitting on a bench
At the corner. The bus has passed
Again and again yet he waits in silence.
A boy points at the man and asks his mother:

“Why does he wait there?
Did he not see the bus go by?”
“Son. He doesn’t know where
He wants to go. No clue why.”

The man went to war for a few years.
He fought hard for his life and his friends,
But dreams of seeing his daughter and wife carried him.
Every day apart hurts
And letters only help so much.

A robbery gone violent with one casualty.
The mother mourned and the father knew not.
Every day he held onto the locket
His daughter gave him. The lock is faulty.

The day came when an IED blew his world up
But it wasn’t in the Middle East.
An empty home is a true beast
But it only got worse. On the floor is a cup.

His daughter’s favorite. The cup is shattered
And a folded piece of paper lays upon it.
He cuts his finger on the edge
But the words put him down inside.

The letter told him everything.
Oh how the angels should sing,
He reels backwards to the sting.
This is the fall of a king.

His baby will never come back.
Regret washes over his face
As he falls to the ground in tears.

The phone rings and rings and rings
To a message on repeat:
“This breaks my heart
But times have changed. Broken wings.”

He sits at the corner waiting for his little girl
But he know the truth. . .she isn’t running late.
Protect what  you love, cherish what you have,
And remember what you’ve lost.