Dimension::RE;boot:://

by Desnei, posted in Poetry

Often I find myself passing through endless
Doorways. Walking, running; is it hopeless?

To find a way back into the sunlight. I wonder.
These doors are different but only one is mine
And beyond it awaits more. How much further?
I’m barging my way through. Like loud thunder
My heart pounds out of my chest. I’m scared
That these doors are all life will ever be. Tell me,
Tell me there’s still a way even as we fall under.

Shatter the view I see and all these glass panes
Blocking the way. I’ll find my way in the aftermath.

The illusion shattered but I was by myself in the air
Floating above our consciousness. I saw people
Passing through endless doorways. How is it fair
That they accept their fates? Take me to a steeple
And I’ll think about what I can do. It’s a life we share.

My words and actions won’t break every illusion
But I can start the work of debasing our delusion.

sa;bdry

I’ll reboot the dimension around me and create a life where lies aren’t necessary.

A Flower of Shattered Glass

by Desnei, posted in Poetry

What can be seen in this distant reverie? My heart
And hands failing to reach. The reality is so chilling
Like I’ve been dead or I was a corpse from the start.

Dreams given our breath can raise the dead. Only so far
Can this way take us and at a point we must take an oar.

Who would defy the flow, clear these vines, and remain?

I walk my own path. All I’m trying to do is live a life
I can believe in. No side taken even under a knife.

I’ve been broken and lost in the madness but I’ll walk
Forward in solidarity with my friends. We know what’s
At risk. That’s why we stand up even when we’re afraid.
No one can break what’s already been broken long ago.

Among shattered glass I see petals. There’s so much more
Than what has been lost in pursuit of everything we swore.

still-by-claus-bellers
The form may be lost but the dream remains.

A Radial Perception

by Desnei, posted in Activist, Poetry

From a single point the geometry is drawn.
I seek truth but it is more like reversing time
To find the origin of divergence, life’s dawn.

I stand behind a blade with a resolute face
In pursuit of more than I might ever know.
The lines extend from our opinions, erase
Each of them until the truth falls like snow.

Will I be alone in the whitest of snowfalls?
There can be many points within radials.

radvectors
To find the truth is to cross what we know. . .

Accepting the Earth

by Desnei, posted in Activist, Poetry

All the arrows shatter to a volley of bullets. Is this peace
Or a charade? From their plans to their coup de grâce.

Iron gritting against stone. Each spark is a dream
More like a blossom caught by the howling wind.
We’ve fallen behind the line drawn in our bodies
To dictate between what’s real and what we feel.

I followed the lessons I’ve been taught to see with new eyes.
They analyze what has materialized before me. Of blue skies
And broken hearts I try to concentrate on my life that defies.

The crystalline towers reaching skyward deceive your intentions.
If the only way out is running. . .I don’t want out. We must face
Our own monsters or history will repeat. What we can’t erase
Must be the truth but we’ll never know until we face our demons.

The battlefield between Heaven and Hell, glorious ideals,
Is fought on Earth. I took to the blade with no understanding
To why I cut down where Hell grows. What happens to here
When one side finally wins? I’ll pick the Earth and its flaws.

I tried to live in the maelstrom that never, ever made landfall.
From this day I see a break of light in the darkened sky above.

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To Open the Heart

by Desnei, posted in Poetry

Touching my chest to feel my heartbeat.
It reminds me I can go on without retreat
Toward my own purpose. Ain’t no minor feat.

Humans; angels and demons test me everyday
But I’ll survive their trials. They don’t understand
What’s at stake here. Any greater design hides
From my eyes as I reach my hand into the light.

The warmth and beat keep flowing like a river.
I lost myself to the undertow. Drowning there
I begin to wonder where I’m heading. I shiver.
This lonely journey won’t take me from here.

When I finally return to these depths I know
Where I’ve been like footprints in the snow.

anharta
The Anahata

To Face This Life

by Desnei, posted in A City of Glass, Activist, Rise of the First Blight
Still working on my first novella little by little. Everyday I find myself thinking about the plot. At a point I needed a break from writing it. The problem was created when I asked myself very honest questions. For example:
 
What is best for a person to do?
 
To lose yourself in the duty of others; to do what is expected of yourself; to live for something greater. I understand these points of view but I seek so much more. The closest to truth I found is in a quote from Gautama Buddha.
 
“Your purpose in life is to find your purpose and give your whole heart and soul to it.”
 
In the novella a man makes a promise to never resort to violence like the people who destroyed the life he once had. The friend he promised that to dies in his arms before he could tell her his true feelings. His world keeps turning on him but for this promise he’ll keep living on.
 
I started wondering about what that would feel. Reality will set in and each day will just get harder than the last. The truth is I am unsure if I could keep my word. True love stays around forever. She left a mark on him that cannot be erased. What if he uses violence to protect those hurt? Truthfully humanity talks in ideals. The truth should be unprecedented but simple like breathing.
The novella started teaching me more about life. I decided that maybe I need to understand much more before this novella can be. My poetry took root during that time of indecision. The plot of the novella haunted me each time I started to write. Life started creating more struggles for me to overcome. I lost a lot of things and thought I’d never recover.
Many of these lost things weren’t selfish. Strength of my muscles declining, body pain, and faith in what I promised to loved ones. I silenced my voice because I’m ready for the fight of a lifetime. To write about love and never reach it. . .to hold the hand of someone who wants to stay. Nobody will help me reach the girl I truly love and at least she tells me she truly loves me too. Every day I traverse leads me closer.
Will she or eternity catch me first?
Everyone tells me to enjoy what I have. I’m living in stasis, a pale dream of the greater whole. I try learning new things, dreaming of a happy day, believing time is on my side, and realizing I lie to myself. These lies ate everything I am. Until I can break free from them I’ll never understand how the novella ends. The pain keeps me from writing sometimes. And now I know why.
Life wants me to act even if I’m scared. FUCK IT, I WILL CHASE WHAT I BELIEVE IN UNTIL MY FINAL BREATH.
sa;bdry

The Grand Judge v. Desnei

by Desnei, posted in Fantasy, Fiction, Poetry, Rise of the First Blight

A man who lost his life and turned into something called the Grand Judge had a very rough existence. He never knew his parents due to a terrorism attack at the hospital he was born. The government discarded him into an orphanage with no funding until a wealthy couple adopted him. They treated him more like a slave than a kid by never giving him an education.

Ultimately an elderly butler taught the kid to read. They spent hours talking about the glorious world out there. One day the adoptive father fired the man for what he did. The man asked to adopt the kid because this wasn’t right for them to do. After consideration he accepted the offer at a considerable monetary cost.

They walked across town to a house on the outskirts. He taught the kid a lot but his health kept declining. A sickness crept in and robbed the kind man of his life. Eventually the government took custody again sending him into the military as a child soldier. This one journey in life taught so much pain and hate to an already hurt human.

He hung himself. . .

Desnei met a lot of tragedy as well. He never took his own life but life tortured him in so many ways. Many of the events that lead Desnei into the darkest side of his world create the series Rise of the First Blight. He lives in a world created by the Grand Judge (after he lost his humanity by playing god for millions of years).

Desnei is the last hope for the Grand Judge to finally change his heart. . .

“Treacherous burner of the tapestry of fate,
I spent eons creating a perfect civilization
Where pain doesn’t exist. Only destruction
Followed their births. All the suffering I hate.

Why would you forsake my final grand plan?
With a single thought I could start over again.”

“What do you have to hate? The tears and blood
We spill have nothing to do with you. If your flood
Clears the slate we won’t vanish from where we stood.

Each civilization you destroyed remains within.
What are you running from? It cannot be us all.”

“I’m no god. I was just a man that gave up.
When I was given a choice I just ran far away
And the choice caught me. Given my wish
Because I must learn of something new.”

“Maybe that life isn’t something you can choose.
Life has been and will be. Are you afraid to lose?”

“I already lost. A cruel world where I didn’t belong
Lost me with a little rope. The world was so wrong.”

“I pity you. Did no one ever show you a little heart from the start?”

sa;bdry

Of These True Desires

by Desnei, posted in Poetry

Realities collapse. Those who have traversed the void
Of endless possibilities understand that there is a road
One must take to understand oneself. Not led by a goad.

Walking down a lonely hallway, but the mind opens a gate
To a metaphysical plane where your thoughts can manifest.
How do you see this world? Events ultimately leave their mark
And you’ll never be the same. On the inside, are you still okay?

You might walk on by but you’ll never hide that metaphysical scar
Born from weakness. Do you hide it behind your false strength
Or tell yourself that pain should be forgotten? It exists for a reason.
When life feels dark there’s light to be found. Season by season
Choices are made and consequences are met. The length
You walk in life isn’t a set number. Face it to find your own lodestar.

What I see will never give any light to the demons you’ve created.
I understand that I’ll never break through the barrier you generated.
That doesn’t mean I won’t try. Everything I chase isn’t out of desire
But compassion. I want to bring a storm to your heart that’s on fire.

Crossing the planes of existence just to say I love you. . .

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If tomorrow is darkness would yesterday be illuminated?

by Desnei, posted in Activist, Poetry

Footprints in the mud after the snow has melted away are easily lost with the tides of time.

In the darkness they wander around.
Their ears heard a familiar sound.

A past lover? Their old hearts? The virus inside
Cannot be stopped for there’s no longer a cure.
Events of yesterday resonate. Of this I’m sure.
Caught in regret, undertow where hearts reside.

If tomorrow is darkness would yesterday be illuminated?

The light, it can burn if we ever find ourselves too close.
With some distance and patience we can plant a rose.

Sometimes the light haunts when others try moving on
And their days begin to waste away. Every road out
Blocked by memories that will never fade. Be strong.
They can feel more like monsters that invoke hysteria.

I’m no stranger to those monsters. They stand in my way
From time to time. Someday I’ll find all the words to say.

Like how I just did what I thought was best. All these tears
Both sides have shed linger with me each and every day
Even when I try to forget. And that’s just the price I’ll pay
To the ferryman. Charon, take me away from these piers.

Although the footprints disappeared the memories never do. They can turn into fondness or regret so easily. Sometimes they dictate the path we take in life. Are you lost chasing after a smile or a mistake? Don’t get too lost in what’s said and done but never forget what brought you here. Keep moving forward.

darkl

The Darklight Trinity (Existence + Effect = Data)

by Desnei, posted in Activist, Poetry

An exuberant feeling washes over what I once
Was. The heart in me suffocated, asphyxiated,
Until I found a deeper truth. The Darklight Trinity.
This equation written on the edge of shadows.

When existence blooms, evidence traveling outwards;
Meet me at the horizon where information accumulates.

Can we dance there? Behind the starlight and pale moonlight
A beautiful symphony plays. In these eyes the sound enters
Her being til understanding unravels. After endless Winters
Hearts have grown so cold but hope remains true every night.

An equation that can either bring hope or despair. In my eyes
The thoughts have illuminated deep. Others found themselves
Lost among the radiance as if they were kept in the shadows.

To dance on the critical mass of information traversing time and space
Or to run away into the empty darkness of dead stars. Create or erase.

Just choose. . .

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