Tag: Choices

Reaching Into The Dark

by Desnei, posted in Poetry

By the clandestine blade of light falling at dawn
I will cleave apart the darkness within your heart.

Remember when these eyes were full of wonder,
A time lost in ruins. Every day had potential
And we stayed afloat through conventional
Means. Was it time or pain that left us asunder?

I kept getting back up for you
But, I never checked on you.
The pain I have given to you.

Did my ignorance shatter the glass containing the darkness
Within your heart? I’ve messed up and must find a way
To fix this friendship. Let the fight go and give to weakness,
We shouldn’t hurt each other anymore. A price we can’t pay.

I’ll carry this sorrow with you. You will never be alone.
I don’t truly understand but I don’t want you to be gone.
light

In the Face of Adversity

by Desnei, posted in Poetry

Notes and memories litter the void of my mind.
I followed the words I’ve been told just to rewind
Back to this one moment where I await the wind.

Why am I caught here? The sails have unfurled
But the air remains still. I start wondering more,
My heart begins sinking beneath all this fear inside.
This reoccurring thought with such a bittersweet taste:

“Do I even belong?”

I once fought that sentence with the entirety of my life.
Every fortification I made was lost with the tide
Because they were sandcastles. I can no longer hide
From the stillness of my life and must relinquish strife.

I have no plan to ever surrender life just accepting this fate
So I can finally overcome it, removing the chains of hate.
hect

Searching For Alexandria

by Desnei, posted in Poetry

All the minutes turn into hours, incarceration;
These years have been taken by my own hand.
Lost in an endless desert. Sinking in the sand
Until bones are bleached white. Devastation.

I began a search for a new library of Alexandria
Knowing that what I find might just be solitude.
Clarity comes at a lesser cost than finding peace
Because a crystal clear river can still be polluted.

Any simple choice can change the outcome.
I wonder, is that what led to the fall of Rome?

If I sacrifice my time to obtain potential knowledge
I’m letting my life burn away in the air like a candle wick.
But I don’t do that. I dream of an Alexandria, a free haven
For every man, and fight to experience a life worth keeping.

At the end I’ll place a book on the shelf in Alexandria.
Great or bad the book is mine. To avoid this hysteria
Thriving within I’ll write on even during a silent feria.
library-future

The Imprint of a Life

by Desnei, posted in Poetry

Echoing footsteps reside within the membrane of time,
Far away from this moment. The shadows dance before us
Creating eternity. We are replicated before we are decimated;
I came to see the human you were decay until every truss
Comes undone. Will we fall in the end? Erase this crime.

When I saw a rose I pondered the meaning not the reasoning
And conjured a chasm inescapable. What did you see then?
A stranger? I never felt number. Told to explore then lost
Everyone who couldn’t come this far. My lonely throne. . .

We walk forward upon the long road our hearts pave,
Rain or shine. Fate we’re forced into. My lonely grave. . .

Shifting shadows echo everything we’ve ever done.
Virtues and vices eternal; we are lost
Within the dark as our corpses frost,
We are found every second that we thaw in the Sun.

Running from the tide on our heels we change so much.
The future will drown us all eventually but we run.
We run because it is all we know and we’re out of touch.

Haunted by the skeletons of time I’ll fight my way
Through my own sepulcher until the very last day.
Magic_Sword_Wings_Tattoo_by_Nalavara

Tear Down the Wall Dividing Us

by Desnei, posted in Poetry, Song

Waiting on the day I can breathe once again.
Choked on the fumes of existence and dreams,
I can”t breathe the same air as long as I remain
Living. Every time I try all I can hear are screams.

Is that the imprint left from mankind,
An inability to accept falling behind?

The idea that a wall exists dictating productive
From obsolete. Life should never be quantified
Yet, I still find my own heart to be quite ineffective
When the truth is seen: We’re divided not unified.

Trying my best they dissect and analyze.
We’re no longer trying to relate anymore.
This predatory game played only hurts us.

Don’t betray another for the lies you’ve been fed
For this world has seen much despair in our stead.

The Tempest

by Desnei, posted in Poetry

Retelling the tales of glory we once knew.
There was a time we loved but it flew. . .

Away.

A goodness inside faltered. Just stay,
Words that couldn’t bridge this chasm.
We used to fight against life’s illusions
Like heroes unafraid of anything. So, why?
What changed inside your gentle heart?
I will never know what wasn’t said.

These lines felt by each of us the same.
Dreams got shattered and we ran away.
Friends dragged out to these sea spray
Waters and depths; the day the tides came.

Fearless men now soaked and shivering cold
Never saw the storm. We did what we were told
But, the truth had vanished from our own hold.

I started a journey to unlearn the path
That led to this tempest. Seeking truth.

the-tempest-1886-1.jpg
The Tempest ~ Ivan Aivazovsky, 1886

 

Misdirection

by Desnei, posted in Poetry

Stepping to the line that divides what I knew
From what I learned. The reality I have now
Might be a travesty in the eyes of the few.
At a point in the past I would wonder how.

Did I really care that much I’d judge myself?
Their words caught and placed me on a shelf.

My hands that can’t build or destroy a palace
Don’t play any role on this lonely island
Planet. What more can you want from me?
I gave my everything and still fell down.
We have grown but these scars remain
Making me believe I’m useless.
The strength I use to live is stolen
Because I don’t have any left.

One more bad dice roll from being forgotten.
I bet everyone would like that, to forget my sin
Then move on like I was never even here.
I see that daily. The truth has been clear
So I’ll try my best to live a lie with some reason.
What has hurt me will someday be forgotten.

Will I ever be able to live in your world?
I’ll always be there but I’m not that cold.

We won’t see eye to eye when you hate
Me for being what you can’t be.
The pain I fought through resonates
And trust me you’d never want a taste.
Fear consuming all that I am.

I’m so far gone since that fateful day
When you marked me. Shaken
My faith in this life I’ve taken.
The self hate that I will no longer say.

I have often questioned what I don’t like and why. My mind tries to understand every point of view for justification purposes. (Often that means forgiving horrendous acts because the person did what they thought was truly right even when they were misled.) Most people wouldn’t want to cross that line because they may never be able to find their way back. I’m positive I lost myself.

I can justify the worst actions but not mine. By judging myself too harshly I fail to find much meaning in the life I lead. Wish I could. The only tethers I have to this life are my friends even though they probably just pity me. “What do they really think of me?” haunts my mind when talking to them. If I started crying would they even know that THIS is why. There is an emptiness inside I will always hide.

The days slip by with me trying to do anything constructive. My hands slip before I ever become anything substantial. Others judge my failed efforts making me feel entirely useless. I can’t be them. I still try to be though! This is what can’t be justified. If I ever want to truly fight my own battle I need to tune out everyone else. I’m learning how to be the best man I can be.

Talk to me and you’ll never see the pain I harbor. Never believed anyone would help me so I never asked. Years went by I still remained quiet. People said I was either stupid or mean which I loathed with my whole being. No one expected anything from me. Where are my friends now? They’re moving on when my feet refuse to do the same. Will any of them reach out to see if I’m alright? Maybe they just gave up on me.

I made new friends who remind me  that this whole thing is wrong. I’m doing the best I can in a tough situation. The words of others affect me more because I am self conscious after everything that has happened to me. My mind never stops analyzing giving myself a different perspective that others have a tough time relating. I found people who take the time. Everything is starting to look up.
sa;bdry

Shifting Paradigms

by Desnei, posted in Poetry

A world I love for good and bad
Like the Sun and moon we watch
Every day. Every cell will attach
Creating all living things. I’m sad.
The endless beauty lost to a match
Destined to burn the canvas. A patch.
Temporary verdant, is all I ever had.

Will you ever see me just once?
I stay here watching you dance.

My true name remains unknown
But you know it. Say it to me again.
Human, a beast without a crown.

What I’m meant to be isn’t grand
Although, a majesty exists to be seen:
The gift of chance known as the Earth.
This is what I’m aiming to always see.
Existence. I find resistance from others
Bringing me to my knees. I’ll never beg!

Why force me into a lonely spiral?
Gripping to the ledge I remember
Everything I believe and love. November,
Harbinger of our frigid Winter crystal.

I thought we’d enter the blizzard’s fray
Without ill will but I saw you walk away.
There was a time I’d ask you to stay.

I’m caught in a shift from romanticism
And dark romanticism towards realism.

A romantic drowning in a world of realists. “Am I alone?” These three words echo in an empty space. Well there isn’t a point in self loathing when I know I’m different from the rest. I don’t fit the paradigm created by mankind. I have no desire to destroy or change it just observe. I’ll do what is necessary for a self-respectable life but nothing more. Lazy? Perhaps. Happy? Yeah. The difference is my life is based on the profound instead of the mundane.

treeinfourseasons

Eye to Eye with the Darkness

by Desnei, posted in Poetry, Song

These days I’ve seen doves become ravens
Yet the grace remains in their flight. Hunger,
The difference between the good and the evil.

I watch from afar as death and injustice
Rest atop the apex of this epoch as deities.
My hands appear bloody in my dreams.

Their deaths stain both the lost and silent.
My heart tries but will never be resilient.

I call it a curse because I’m fearful of the truth I see.
Anchor myself in truth though I speak in allusions
For it hurts my soul to know. The world has illusions
That I never make friends with. Castoff in the sea.

If I end up drowning in all the blood spilled by the avaricious
Know I have no regrets for I could never close my own eyes.
54aa7a83afd0515f6dab3a3bc97121b8

The Dimetri Uterna (The Dimension of All)

by Desnei, posted in Poetry

Have you had regrets on a choice already made?
Most likely. You’ll feel that way once in a while
But people push pass that. Just as the Nile
Will never see Cleopatra again things will fade.

For now that’s what we can understand
But doesn’t make it true. Grains of sand
Aren’t aware of the desert but it does exist.
What are we unaware of? Don’t try to resist.

The unknown will always be a thick miasma
Filling our every breath with true brilliance.

Every choice has been exhausted. We burn like a wick
Inside a lantern to brighten the path cloaked in night.
Every shard of time frozen, eternally awaiting ascension
Of consciousness, bathes the dark path in an afterglow.
All the timelines converge to grant us clairvoyance.

Falling into the Dimetri Uterna once more.
Before existence it was full of darkness
But no longer. The light heals every sore
Life created. We’ll reach our own potential.

The unknown will always be a thick miasma
Filling our every breath with true brilliance.

There is no telling what awaits beyond here and now
Even with all the blind faith in the world. As the crow
Flies we push onward to survive even if we do fly low.

Don’t let that be all you do. A glorious universe
Blesses everything with radiation from gamma rays
Released in the death of giant stars. Nothing stays
For long but the moments echo their own verse.

Can you hear them? The undead memories
Of a dying Universe refusing to disappear.
A Universe that never wanted to be alone
Created us all. Can you hear the happiness?

As we stare at the stars in the sky we’ll remember
How little we actually are then enter our slumber.
falcon