Somewhere Within

There is a place of soundless reprieve.
It’s far away from where boring lives
Turn our hearts to gray. I search for it,
A place that never is but forever will be.

Seeking a glimmer, a fracture of light
Amid the darkened skies. Something bright.

They say I’m an idealist and a dreamer
In such disdain. It leaves a little stain
On my heart that never fades away.

The ink settles in and dries but, what remains?
A canvas no longer blank. An image retains.

evanescent_sunrise_by_aquasixio.jpg
Evanescent Sunrise

The Defiled Heart

The darkness inside lashes at my memories
In an attempt to steal who I am. It’s the mark
Burned into my flesh awaking my inner demons.

My wrath, lust, and pride slithering under my skin;
A burn that never goes away. Will they ever win?
I swallow my unsettled doubts, like pills with gin.

We don’t choose the fights we’re tossed into. Survive,
That’s what our hearts scream. Is that why I still strive?

Dark and cold black flames judge my heart to a feather.
I failed. Know that I’m not giving in. There’s a day that
I gotta see with these eyes and feel with these hands.
My wretched fate repeats day by day yet, I smile.

They call me Ariex Nightblade. I watched wars,
Witnessed genocide, killed a friend; I left
The Royal Protectorate to heal these scars.
This curse I took on instead of being ever so bereft.

My brother Synji bears the other mark.
The endarkened; the illuminated.
We serve two roles in a grand tragedy.

I need to survive. . .reject fate ordained.

sa;bdry

To Shatter Life’s Bindings

The fall of blade ricochets inside my mind
Whenever I realize what we’ve been fighting for.
I’m disarming myself with the enemy behind
My back and beneath my skin. What’s in store?

Walls built within aren’t ever built perfectly.
We pray for the sledgehammers secretly.

I’ll have my fights but not now.
Look at the calmness in my eyes,
I’m not willing to fight this war.
The war between my heart, my mind,
And what others say. I surrender.
I just want to be humble and free.

If I forget these subconscious chains
I can forge my destiny even as it rains.

sa;bdry
All of us will die someday. . .better live on our own terms.

The Harbingers of the End

They were once best friends. Pride and greed
Warped their hearts. So everyone take heed:

The desire to reach what we don’t need hurts
In the end when we betray a friend. We can
Walk forward together instead of racing.
A race towards death? Nobody wants that.

In a world where the subconscious can change
Reality they get what’s coming. Their grudge
Led to their deaths but they won’t rest. Rage.

They chase after positions of power in a reborn world.
Leading armies of the dead, searching for a champion,
And laughing at the pain of others. The good won’t stand
By while darkness marches on. These actions started a war.

So if you only see your desires know that you’ll fall all alone,
Instead of meeting that end stand up with me. We are one.

sa;bdry
We can’t turn our backs on each other without ending up alone in the end.

The Freedom of Humanity

Light cascading from towering mountains
Onto a forest of spruce. Life has its stains,
Things we can’t ever forget because they
Make us who we are and clear the way.

The birds sing their requiem in the morning,
Critters follow instinct, and we see everything.
Follow the river until adventure starts calling.

Meaning, fate, destiny, dreams; the lives we live
Have no final destination for everyone to reach.
We should see eye to eye the mortality inside
Because one day this strength will fade. Listen.
You can chase whatever your heart desires
Be it selfless or selfish. Nothing others say
Will cure us of this affliction. Live a life
You’re proud of. Forget the hurt, chase the light.
sa;bdry

The Mists: An Innovation of Faith and Science

“The tragic world we live in held me for a while.
All tragedies must eventually end. And I smile.”

Drenched in sorrow she poured the gasoline
Over her church clothes. A lit cigarette burned
Her world to only ashes. Her friends begged
For answers but they know the dead never tell.

What came of her after that departure? Forget
Everything you know and let me create the set.

A beautiful collection of memories, the cultivation
Of the lives we live. Beings made of the Universe
Experience vastly different memories. To collect
Data a dimension exists beyond space and time.
When this voyager found her material body inefficient
Every memory transferred over. Her consciousness
Awoke in an unknown yet comforting place. On a boat
Floating over calm waters at dawn she finally sleeps.

When she awakes there’s herself she must face
Until her metaphysical wounds heal. It’s no race
Because life’s never easy and has no set pace.

sa;bdry
The idea that the Universe is God and organisms exist as his senses.

A Flower of Shattered Glass

What can be seen in this distant reverie? My heart
And hands failing to reach. The reality is so chilling
Like I’ve been dead or I was a corpse from the start.

Dreams given our breath can raise the dead. Only so far
Can this way take us and at a point we must take an oar.

Who would defy the flow, clear these vines, and remain?

I walk my own path. All I’m trying to do is live a life
I can believe in. No side taken even under a knife.

I’ve been broken and lost in the madness but I’ll walk
Forward in solidarity with my friends. We know what’s
At risk. That’s why we stand up even when we’re afraid.
No one can break what’s already been broken long ago.

Among shattered glass I see petals. There’s so much more
Than what has been lost in pursuit of everything we swore.

still-by-claus-bellers
The form may be lost but the dream remains.

To Face This Life

Still working on my first novella little by little. Everyday I find myself thinking about the plot. At a point I needed a break from writing it. The problem was created when I asked myself very honest questions. For example:
 
What is best for a person to do?
 
To lose yourself in the duty of others; to do what is expected of yourself; to live for something greater. I understand these points of view but I seek so much more. The closest to truth I found is in a quote from Gautama Buddha.
 
“Your purpose in life is to find your purpose and give your whole heart and soul to it.”
 
In the novella a man makes a promise to never resort to violence like the people who destroyed the life he once had. The friend he promised that to dies in his arms before he could tell her his true feelings. His world keeps turning on him but for this promise he’ll keep living on.
 
I started wondering about what that would feel. Reality will set in and each day will just get harder than the last. The truth is I am unsure if I could keep my word. True love stays around forever. She left a mark on him that cannot be erased. What if he uses violence to protect those hurt? Truthfully humanity talks in ideals. The truth should be unprecedented but simple like breathing.
The novella started teaching me more about life. I decided that maybe I need to understand much more before this novella can be. My poetry took root during that time of indecision. The plot of the novella haunted me each time I started to write. Life started creating more struggles for me to overcome. I lost a lot of things and thought I’d never recover.
Many of these lost things weren’t selfish. Strength of my muscles declining, body pain, and faith in what I promised to loved ones. I silenced my voice because I’m ready for the fight of a lifetime. To write about love and never reach it. . .to hold the hand of someone who wants to stay. Nobody will help me reach the girl I truly love and at least she tells me she truly loves me too. Every day I traverse leads me closer.
Will she or eternity catch me first?
Everyone tells me to enjoy what I have. I’m living in stasis, a pale dream of the greater whole. I try learning new things, dreaming of a happy day, believing time is on my side, and realizing I lie to myself. These lies ate everything I am. Until I can break free from them I’ll never understand how the novella ends. The pain keeps me from writing sometimes. And now I know why.
Life wants me to act even if I’m scared. FUCK IT, I WILL CHASE WHAT I BELIEVE IN UNTIL MY FINAL BREATH.
sa;bdry

The Grand Judge v. Desnei

A man who lost his life and turned into something called the Grand Judge had a very rough existence. He never knew his parents due to a terrorism attack at the hospital he was born. The government discarded him into an orphanage with no funding until a wealthy couple adopted him. They treated him more like a slave than a kid by never giving him an education.

Ultimately an elderly butler taught the kid to read. They spent hours talking about the glorious world out there. One day the adoptive father fired the man for what he did. The man asked to adopt the kid because this wasn’t right for them to do. After consideration he accepted the offer at a considerable monetary cost.

They walked across town to a house on the outskirts. He taught the kid a lot but his health kept declining. A sickness crept in and robbed the kind man of his life. Eventually the government took custody again sending him into the military as a child soldier. This one journey in life taught so much pain and hate to an already hurt human.

He hung himself. . .

Desnei met a lot of tragedy as well. He never took his own life but life tortured him in so many ways. Many of the events that lead Desnei into the darkest side of his world create the series Rise of the First Blight. He lives in a world created by the Grand Judge (after he lost his humanity by playing god for millions of years).

Desnei is the last hope for the Grand Judge to finally change his heart. . .


“Treacherous burner of the tapestry of fate,
I spent eons creating a perfect civilization
Where pain doesn’t exist. Only destruction
Followed their births. All the suffering I hate.

Why would you forsake my final grand plan?
With a single thought I could start over again.”

“What do you have to hate? The tears and blood
We spill have nothing to do with you. If your flood
Clears the slate we won’t vanish from where we stood.

Each civilization you destroyed remains within.
What are you running from? It cannot be us all.”

“I’m no god. I was just a man that gave up.
When I was given a choice I just ran far away
And the choice caught me. Given my wish
Because I must learn of something new.”

“Maybe that life isn’t something you can choose.
Life has been and will be. Are you afraid to lose?”

“I already lost. A cruel world where I didn’t belong
Lost me with a little rope. The world was so wrong.”

“I pity you. Did no one ever show you a little heart from the start?”

sa;bdry