Tag: Love

A Motionless Dream; Part I, Chapter III

by Desnei, posted in Short Story

Falling endlessly through darkness. All thoughts of grandeur vanish, time slows down, and I remember the past. My mind escapes from reality to see the past as if the darkness is just merely a theater for my memories. Suddenly I wonder real fast about what’s wrong with me. I feel so numb about the possibility of dying. Screams can’t save anyone. If the end comes I need some answers before everything goes dark forever. I fell down a hole to jump through the rabbit hole straight into my mind’s reservoir.

I awoke in a motionless dream. . .

A beat of my heart echoes down into the depths of my chest. In it’s resounding it finds a way to travel ever deeper. I cry deep inside trying to understand why. The world cursed me and forbade me from the peace I longed for. Every beat of my heart is a scream for life. Peace remains just out of reach. My rib cage has been made up with knives sharpened by my breath. I’m preparing for a battle with my own demons to calm the rising tide in my veins. If memory serves right on the day when the calmness died my vision turned red. Anger and rage consumed everything else. I tried to sleep it off but it remained. That single day changed everything.

My best friend, her name eludes me now, called me up. She saw something strange in me like a brewing darkness, a premonition, something to fear. I cried for hours on the phone. My shirt’s collar filled up with tears. It strangled me with the realization that I created my own pain. She told me to meet here at the cafe that was only a few blocks away. I turned down her offer. My face is all red, eyes are puffy, and I felt like shit. She insisted on getting out of my apartment. I faked like I didn’t care about that and needed some sleep more. I hung up on her and texted her a sleepy emoji. She texted back a frown emoji. My heart beat reminded me that nothing was okay. I jumped in my bed, grabbed a pillow, placed the pillow over my face, screamed as loud as I could.

I laid there trying to sleep. Cars raced on by, radios rumbled through the air, and someone knocked on my door repeatedly. Anger raised ever further. I started biting on my lower lip until it bled. My mind tossed me around like a rag doll but I tried standing my ground to no avail. Every emotion I felt poured out of my heart like a roaring waterfall. What is a waterfall without water? A cliff that my hands have clung to in an attempt not to fall. I stifled back every tear my eyes tried conjuring up. I didn’t possess the strength for holding up against those waters. My mind reminded me that this is a flight of fantasy not reality. One would think that should’ve made this a lot easier but the truth doesn’t do much by itself. My heart abandoned the truth creating demons in the dark who constantly circle me like vultures to rotten meat.

The person knocked on my door again. I jumped up. I was fed up with whoever this was. I stopped caring and wanted time alone. My fists shook from my anger. She called out my name.  A part of me shattered under the weight of my friend’s words. I placed my hand on the wall next to my door. She called my name again.

“Hey, I should’ve know you would come over here. I really didn’t want to talk about it. You knew that. Why did you still come? I’m grateful you did though Holl’.” I cried a little as I forced up those words.

“Feeling so bad you can’t open the door? You’re my friend. I’ll talk to you even if the barrier is real. Is this the same barrier in our minds? A door we can open but refuse to see the doorknob.”

“I think you can still see it. The key is different. The key is made from yourself only when you’re willing.”

“And you aren’t willing?”

“No.” gently tears rolled down my cheeks, “Life caught up to me. I tried running from it. It never stops even for a second. Everyone fights it but sometimes you can’t fight the truth.”

“Stop fighting. We all need to surrender once in a while. It doesn’t kill us to admit we aren’t as strong as we’d like to think. You aren’t this type of person. You are the friend who loves to go to the coast and look at some hot guys then watch the sunset. I remember the day you nearly had a heart attack because a crab touched you. I laughed so hard at you then you stormed away all red. You swore you’d never talk to me again. That didn’t last long.” Holly started laughing at the memory.

“It was dark. And how could I say nothing to you about those lifeguards?”

“Most chicks don’t say, huh what was it again. Oh yeah! I’d drown on his big c. . .”

“Whoa, stop! The neighbors can hear you.”

“I can’t help you are a slut.”

“I can’t help that you don’t know when to shut up.”

“I can’t help you won’t let me in.”

“I can’t help that I’m. . .”

“That’s right. You can help  yourself feel differently. Just open the door. I really know I can get you to go to the cafe.”

“You better not scream something weird when I let you in.”

“Me? Nevah!”

“Uh huh.” I lowered my hand to the doorknob and turned it.

Holly barged right into my room. She tackled me to the ground. We cried for a little while. People from the apartment gathered around the opened door. We looked at them then each other. Holly smirked at me like she had a really great idea. She whispered to me that she was sorry then kissed me.

“I missed you my lesbian lover!” Holly shouted that so loud that a few people walked away but a few watched more intensely.

“I uh, what?”

“We haven’t talked in forever. I love you!” she closed the door.

“I’m not a lesbian.”

“I know that. You know that. They don’t. Are you coming? Either we stay here and those men attempt to eavesdrop and get a peek or we go to the cafe. I told you I had a plan.” she winked at me.

“You’re a crazy bitch.”

“It takes one to know one hun.”

“Fine! I’ll go with you. I really am more concerned about what my neighbors think now than wanting to be sad. You’re not allowed to come here ever again. I mean it.” we laughed knowing I’ll forget even that soon enough.

Tears flow down my face. I truly forgot about all of this. Holly, she is a friend that would do anything for anyone. Kindness is in her nature. What happened? How did I get to this other world? I am so happy to know I haven’t forgot who I am. She stayed around after everyone else left. She knows me better than I know myself still. What would she say about now? Oh yeah, “That monster we ain’t got in Jersey I tell you that fa sho.” If I get back home I need to slap her for making me go outside.
sa;bdry

The Truth Found Inside

by Desnei, posted in Who I Am

I decided to make a more personal post. Most of the people who read this blog know me only partially from what I write. I can’t say I know myself that well either. If we were to talk about my deeds I’m not much of a person. I’ll sacrifice my own joy for others. My choices haven’t always been the best for myself.

No reason can truly elaborate upon why. I have falsified my own self to make sure a friend never saw me in pain. Love is a very powerful weapon. When is it too much or too little? I am horrible at figuring that out. I wasted a lot of my years chasing love without understanding myself. My heart was a powder keg back then. Sometimes I wonder if it is still able to explode like in the past. What even lit the fuse? Lies, jealousy, and fear make a lot of sparks.

Six years ago I didn’t think much about right and wrong. Life went on by like it always had before. I tried my chance at love and failed miserably. I couldn’t keep a promise and never brought it up until it was way too late. Times have changed. I couldn’t lie if I tried but others still do and most times I say nothing even when I see their deception. My life showed me that it isn’t as simple as it seems. Sometimes things scare us, catch us by surprise, burden us, and hurt us. I don’t blame anyone for hiding from the truth I just hope they find it before too many bridges burn.

Jealousy sets in very easily. I see the good in me, I truly do, but sometimes I feel I can’t keep up with other guys. Never have I told a lover to leave her friends for me. A man has to be very petty if he resorts to those measures. I really have never found a way to combat this feeling. My jealousy and fear are intertwined. I fear that I’ll never live up to what somebody else wants. Despite my fear I keep pushing forward. Some people prove the fear right but I learned I can do better. I will keep improving myself with everyday for the right girl. She’ll deserve the best I can be.

Most of those emotions are superficial. I really value creativity, beautiful minds, and uniqueness far more than anything else. I look at the world with a much more magical fascination. Everything amazes me. People call me childish sometimes because I see more than anyone else does. I don’t think that’s the case. If I were to be narrow in my views I wouldn’t feel like me. I still value my dreams over anything else. Nothing else defines me as much as this paragraph does.

This is me. I go by the alias Desnei when my name is Donnie J. Nelson. My mind loves chasing grand thoughts, my heart burns red hot, my body is here to warm those that I love, my soul looks for ways to better itself, and I live this life. The truth found inside is that I am a compassionate person although I never show it often.

sa;bdry

A Motionless Dream; Part I, Chapter II

by Desnei, posted in Short Story

The world spins back and forth as opposed to a steady rotation in one direction. Obviously one can observe the fact that this is false. It is only in the inner workings of people that something so obscure can make any sense. Every memory that rewinds time for even a second does make a fantasy. The present keeps moving forward like a glacier across unsteady land. In uncertainty any tale can be made with the right amount of willpower. I gotta stand my ground or be swept away under miles of ice. The glacier is both time and anxiety bearing their weight down upon everyone. If I could run fast enough it’ll never catch up to me. If I could climb it I’d understand. And if I do nothing will it crush me like it did to all those who came before?

I trust this man for some reason. Maybe it is from the fact that he saved me from that man. How did Penelope love Odysseus after he massacred her suitors? Things happen that don’t often make much sense. I know I have never been here before and my name isn’t Rae. I am still stuck here. I hold tightly to his hand because I need something tangible. Time cascades forward as the last rays of sunlight cast across the land. We chase the shouts of guards straight into dusk.
His heavy breathing soothes my worrying heart. The blood that I have left to bleed doesn’t seem as bad as it did earlier. My throat is parched from holding back the truth. Should I tell him? I have to! He doesn’t deserve to not know what’s going on after risking so much to save me. I stop paying attention to him as I wrestle with my own thoughts. Suddenly I fall backwards when he stops running.
“What’s the big idea?”
“Please keep quiet.”
“Huh?”
“Stop talking. . .”
I lift my head up to see but he pushes it down. An oddly shaped shadow stretches across the ground. The jagged angles are not natural. A stillness washes over everything like a lump in my throat restricting me from speaking. Nothing changes. Back and forth moves the shadow as if the creature is pondering what’s in front of it. I accidentally let out a gasp. It stops moving. My heart is beating so hard I swear it could leap out of my chest. The creature takes in a deep breath like wind entering a cave then everything returns to stillness.
I hear its teeth clatter. Sharp, needle like teeth tearing away at both flesh and soul. This is the end. It will lunge at us and devour us in the most savage way possible. I begin screaming in my head stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, STOP!!! The beast roars. Blades of grass instantly dry out, burst into dry dust, and blows away in the wind. Fog begins rolling in. What is going on? I’m so confused. I wonder if I can say something now.
My escort slowly runs his hand through my hair. A shiver runs up my spine as he comes in and holds me against his body. I softly blush at the gesture. We are unable to see more than a few inches in front of us. The creature dashes through the fog most likely searching for us. I feel I should cry but the warmth of this man keeps me from doing anything. Do I have feelings for him? Am I just thankful he is here? All of this is so confusing.
Footsteps sound more and more faint. The fog is starting to clear. We are sitting in a circle of dirt yet he clings to me like a child to his mother. I smile at him. He drops me and jumps up. Our moment completely ruined. He sees me on the ground then offers me a hand. I refuse. After dusting off the dirt from myself I slap him across the face.
“What was that for?”
“You dropped me!”
“Oh, my bad.”
“Your bad? Excuse me. What is wrong with you? Save my life twice but drops me.”
“I think you’re over-exaggerating.”
“Fuck you.”
“Whoa but we’ve only met.”
“Huh?”
“You’re not Rae.”
“How did you know?”
“Your slap was too weak.”
“Is that some sort of snide remark?”
“Yes. You hit like a girl.”
“I know some girls that would knock you the fuck out.”
“But not you.”
“And Rae could?”
“Let’s not talk about this.”
“Pussy.”
“The kettle calling the pot black much?”
“Sexist pig.”
“Bahahaha, are you serious?”
“Uh huh.”
“Well I saved your life twice. Does that mean anything?”
“Thank you. Thank you. Fuck you.”
“Fine. I will.”
“Pervert.”
“Can we stop?!?!”
“Nope.”
“Where is another monster when I need one?”
“What was that thing?”
“A Shariez, Sha-Reez. They aren’t indigenous to here.”
“Why was it here?”
“No clue. I’ve met only like five in all my travels. Rae killed one. I studied the corpse and discovered unknown details about them. They’re blind. Shariez are creatures born from some dark and twisted magic. Drowned humans to be exact. A witch, sorcerer, or warlock fishes out the corpses then does a ritual to reanimate the beings. Before they can be used the eyes must be removed so that they lose all their self-imposed will. A Shariez wouldn’t go so far away from their master unless a very strong magician summoned it. I don’t know anything else.”
“So you pissed off some powerful magician? Nice job.”
“Okay. I shouldn’t have saved you from that human trafficker. They fund research into unsavory magics. I killed a ring leader and his boss wanted me dead.”
“Will there be more?”
“Most likely.”
“Why are you so calm?!?!?”
“Just follow me. I know a place where we’ll be safe.”
“Fine.”
He starts running deep into the forest. I run after him while looking out for more monsters. The last light of day begins to wane as I find the guy standing before a lone grave. I look around and see nothing around not a squirrel, not a bird, not a bug. My escort reaches in his pocket and pulls out a necklace with a locket. He lets out a deep sigh.
“Look in your pockets. Do you have a key?”
“No?”
“Just do it.”
I reach my hands into my pockets. A cold metal feeling settles at the bottom. Each pocket had half of a key in them. I never put these here. The halves click together easily. I glance at the man with a very confused look. He grabs the key from hands. It fits into the lock perfectly. A picture of him and beautiful woman resides in the locket. With a gesture I come over and help him take the top of the coffin off of this un-buried grave. He places the opened locket in the coffin then closes it.
“Now what?”
“Shh.”
Minutes drag on ever so slowly. He kicks me randomly then points at the coffin. I glance at him with another confused face. Neither of us move. A quiet knocking echoes from the coffin. My escort starts pointing at the coffin again. I walk over there and look at it. Nothing is different from earlier. My curiosity piques and I start lifting up the lid of the coffin. Where the wood was before only darkness remained.
“What is this?”
“Stick the landing!” he shoves me down the hole then jumps after me.

I awake in a motionless dream. . .
sa;bdry

A Motionless Dream — Part I, Chapter I

by Desnei, posted in Short Story

What makes the world start and go? Is it the people or the movement of atoms? The clock clicks forward as the soldiers march over a battlefield littered with corpses. A machine made of flesh and bone grinds against the harden earth. Every breath breaks away at the wall that separates today and tomorrow. Caught in the hands of a forsaken man who drives into me the cords of my own defeat like a symphony of strings heard only as a city burns. So why does this keep going?
Circumstance. We live only in an attempt to say we’re not dead. The beauty to be seen is merely an illusion fading away into the endless darkness of the night. A little iris flower sprouting from the flesh of a dead man as if he is only soil. Perhaps that is the reason I seek. All I need is a little reminder that everything is everything. You might ask why. I have no answer to that except a gut feeling. My past is unknown. I am here but without memories so am I truly me?
I awoke in this motionless dream. . . .

The sweet smell of dew covered flowers overwhelms me. My blurry eyes open up, I blink a few times, and look around me. A grassy field stretches far beyond the horizon in every direction. I try standing up but my legs feel so numb. I sit up to get a better idea of my surroundings. Flowers dot the landscape, small plots of wheat sway back and forth against a light gale, and a tree sits a few feet away casting shade over me. I dig my hands into the soil beside me. It’s wet and rich by the way it feels between my fingers like a moist cake.
I expect a bug to crawl up my thigh but never does. I glance around to see if there are birds flying in the sky. None. An eerie silence parades through this place like a chill down my spine. My heart races faster and the scenery starts to spin. A fear, so tangible, grips me by my throat. I struggle to awake from this nightmare. The blue sky darkens to a purple with black clouds drifting slowly on by. My eyes close.
Bustling noise of people brings me back. I look around to see nothing from before except for the tree. Concrete fills the fields, people replace the flowers, and long gorgeous hair flows in the wind. I’m leaning against a wooden pillar holding up the awning to a little wagon showing its wares. A guy perhaps only a year older than me watches me with a charmed expression. I blush at him ever so lightly.
“I see you’re awake! We haven’t had many customers yet. The day is just so beautiful I guess. They all walk on by with smiles. It’s just a part of the trade. How was your sleep? Any dreams?” he eagerly fills me in on what’s going on.
“I uh,” hesitating from the fact I don’t know him, “I did. It was this place but without the town. A beautiful meadow where I couldn’t get up or speak. It was so weird.”
“Dreams do that. Maybe you’ll find some hidden truth in it. Most people move on from their dreams so quickly to live this life but the dreams had something to say. Do you remember our talk three nights ago?”
“I can’t say I do.”
“We’ve grown up a lot in the last two years. We know just who we want to be. I want to follow my father’s footsteps and sell this prdouce to these people. I don’t grow enough for a small militia but enough to sell and eat. When I asked you what you want to be you said you wanted to think on it. Do you know now?”
“Hm I can’t say for sure. I really want only one thing right now.”
“Me.”
“What?”
“What?”
“I was going to say I want to know what’s going on.”
“What we do every week?”
“I don’t remember any of this. Do you really know me?”
“Uh yeah? Is something wrong?”
“Oh. Nothing. I guess I’m just really tired or something. Everything feels a little off.”
“Haha, alright. I was scared for a moment. You looked like you were lost.”
“Maybe.”
“Maybe what?”
“Sorry. I’m thinking out loud don’t mind me.”
“Rae go for a stroll. I can hold the fort down. You just seem like you need some time and space. I’ll be waiting here so try to get back before dusk. I’d hate to not get home before the storm.”
“Alright. What time is it though?”
“A little pass three. If the Sun starts setting just come back. Some people in this town are very weird and I don’t want you to get hurt. Go to the gardens or something. Let go of whatever is bothering you.”
“Thanks.”
I quickly walk away. My memories don’t exist. I try to recall them but only nothingness is there. I only remember my name of Ilyianna. People wave at me like they know me. I wave back only half heartedly. The sound of my feet tapping on the cobblestone road sounds so unreal. Every step tears me from this reality a little more. Thoughts about the dream circle around in my head adding to the disassociation.
My feet stop for a second as I look at the ground. A little piece of paper sits there with a rock weighing it down. I look around to see if anyone left it but no one did. Most of the people mind their own business and keep to themselves. Nervous hesitation shakes through my arm as I reach down and pick up the paper. Words written in blood seep through reading:
If you can see this you have awoke. Good. My name doesn’t matter. I know of Ilyianna’s secret and I bet you want to know. I can’t write it down. You’ll understand soon. Remember this — The clock strikes the umbral heart at exactly light of dawn before the breath of day.
What is going on? What does that mean? Damn it! I have no clue what to think. I need answers not more questions. Ugh, please something start to make sense. I start running. People look oddly at me making me run faster. My heart beats so fast that it could jump right out of my chest. Someone sneaks up on me and puts a hand around my stomach. I scream but nobody hears me. The person gets right next to my ear.
“Be quiet. Did anyone tell you not to walk to this side of town? Some really unsavory types set up shop here. A pretty girl like you could catch a nice penny. Hell, they don’t mind if you’re used too.”
“Get away from me!” I yell.
“Oh how cute. Men like a woman with a little sass especially in bed. It makes it more worthwhile.”
“You’re a monster.”
“I like to see myself as an entrepreneur. The real monster is all of us. These bodies crave lust. I can’t help but give the masses what they want. Supply and demand.”
An arrow flies pass both of us hitting the ground nearby. The man at the wagon from earlier stands there with a bow. He smiles and walks closer. My captor lets me go to back away from this scene. Another arrow hits him in the shin. He screams loudly then whimpers. I run to my savior and cower by his side.
“Are you hurt Rae?”
“I’m just shaken up. I’ll be okay.”
“So what were you trying to do? I know this is a shady part of town but still. I want an answer.” firmly states the young man.
“I thought she needed help. Some of these unsavory types would violate her. Not I. I would never hurt a woman.”
“What do you do for a living?”
“Nothing.”
“Really? A man has been accused of helping the slave trade by preying on helpless women and children. A scruffy man who finds the only thing beautiful in the world is money. He couldn’t respect a woman if he saw one.”
“Watch your tongue! This is my district. Stay to your own. Don’t act so high and mighty when you never starve. Do you even know what it takes to stay safe in this world? By being the first one to act.”
“No. If I starved I wouldn’t hurt another just to eat. Fight your own struggle don’t involve others. It’s a test of will. A test you failed. Pick up your stuff, leave those good people be, and get the hell out of my town. Now!”
“And if I don’t?”
“The law doesn’t protect criminals and thieves.”
“It actually does. Until a self-entitled saint swings his morals around like a gavel. I don’t have to listen to you. I’ll be staying here until the end.”
“Rae, please turn away.” as he says that I turn.
A single arrow flies through the air. The tang of the string echoes through the cobblestone streets. People look up at the unfolding scene. I lean my back against the man wondering what he feels deep inside. How do you kill someone so easily? Why would he not back down? I don’t even know you. Why? He places a hand on my shoulder and kisses my cheek.
“We shouldn’t stay here. Come on. Don’t look back whatever you do.”
He drags me up off the ground. I catch my footing and start running to keep up. The gasps of the townsfolk perpetuate the smell of iron in the air. They don’t understand why. I don’t understand either. I just run to keep ahead of my doubts that will surely tear apart this reality. A hundred questions left without answer. I’m the criminal running from a forgotten past.
My heart beat stabilizes with every step away from the blood spill. I can’t fight an urge to look back. I slightly turn my head right before he places a hand over my eyes. He laughs at me and I glare at him angrily. I decide to not look back despite my urge.
“If you look back at the darkness you’ll never escape. Look forward. Do you see the light?” he stretches a hand out towards the setting Sun.
“Yes.”
“Stay focus on that. It will be the only way to awake from the darkness. I don’t know if I can take you there. I just hope you hold onto this. Don’t stay too long where you are lost or else you’ll become the reason why you’re lost. Learn to walk towards the light even by yourself. For now, just come with me.”
sa;bdry

Saetaria, the Storm and Me ~ Prologue

by Desnei, posted in Saetaria

I am all that I am and no more and no less. My name is Samael Horus Ophari. I live mostly by myself in a castle that was once my father’s. Two people try their best to keep me from falling apart and feeling useless. I wish this story could be about how my friends help me take the throne and save my country from utter destruction. I was too late. The world moved forward when I stood still in my own blindness. I lost everything I cared about. My words aren’t here to mourn what was lost but to explain my part in a revolution.

Who shot the first bullet? I did. I scoffed at the idea of getting my hands dirty but these hands were dirty since my first breath. I fell from an ivory tower. I believed the whole world wanted me to succeed. My thoughts were too narrow. The world I created is merely a catwalk from my safety into the fray. It’s crazy how I constructed a place so I could rest my head and it burned up in the atmosphere. I landed intact on the surface without my protective shell.

I watched my people succumb to an evil man. My father listened to threats when he only tried his best for the people. No one speaks up when true evil exists. Fear drives the wedge between righteous and murderous ideals. I have wanted to turn back the hands of time for one last glimpse at my father. He would know what to do. Nobody knows what is good until the day that goodness goes missing. My father inspired other nations into following suit in an economical reboot that placed focus on developing countries rather than thriving ones. A speech he gave the day before his assassination stays with me:

“Our duty isn’t to our singular beliefs. As leaders we must instill the will to carry the ideals of our nations. The figurative baton has been passed to us in this room. Do we neglect the generations of good people that came before us? I could never do that. My nation, Dragacia, faced a massive change after our prior monarch died.

He took advantage of the good people, threatened the world at large, unjustly taxed people until they could barely eat, and started a genocide. Nobody did anything. The good people found themselves hurt or worse if they spoke against him. Neighboring countries accepted his rash choices and supported his genocide. A few people from the targeted party abandoned their lives and ran. I don’t know how long they ran, how many died, and how often they cursed everyone else but I do know they escaped.

They didn’t just escape! They made their own city. A city where people can be people without fear. That is an example of a utopia. We could create an utopia as well. Perfection is a falsity. I simply want us leaders to help create a world absent of fear for good people. Some people won’t make it easy. They’ll say we are policing too much, we don’t value them as people, and we’re the things that go bump in the night. The utopia for good people relies on us to hold a stern hand against those that wish to perpetuate an endless war. Let me say a few more lines.

We have fought enough wars against each other. Why? We have different beliefs but the same ideals. The times have changed. We need to toss away our old feuds if the same things still drive us. A better tomorrow. Does it drive you every morning to get up and try? Some people get up simply for money. They abandoned so much of their hearts that it has calloused itself shut. I beg every single one of you to take a file and break open the doors once more. Our purpose for ruling isn’t money, power, or anything substantial to ourselves but we rule for the people. I’ll dismantle Dragacia’s military industrial complex, aristocracy, and wasteful agencies. If I do this the people of Dragacia will prosper. A nation isn’t the government it’s the people. Let’s do something for them for a change.”

Somebody didn’t take kind to my father’s words. I walked back to the bedchambers with him. We struggled to understand if those word were heard. He placed me on my bed and read me a bedtime story. The story had a guy who wore a weird smile that nobody liked. Dad joked about one of the diplomat’s having the same smile. An underestimated smile capable of making any situation better. A man with a hood walked in and stabbed my dad a few times and walked away forever. My eyes enlarged and my heart dropped. I yelled for my dad to speak one last time. He did.

“Smile forever. . .my son. I love. . .you.” he slipped away from this world with those words.
sa;bdry

A City of Glass: Part I, Chapter II

by Desnei, posted in Short Story

I open my eyes to see her head fall down onto my shoulder. She struggles to breathe but forces her head to turn towards my left ear. Her heartbeat speeds up, fear makes us both tremble, and I finally notice the blood. A bullet lodged itself in her rib cage after piercing one of her lungs.

“I forgot to tell. . .you why I came here. The royal army. . .sent their new. . .regiment to kill. . .the Mystical Veil. People who believe in religion. . .practice magic. . .aren’t deem human. . .will die. I wanted. . .you to. . .be hap. . .happy.” Her breathing stops but she kisses my cheek.

“I am happy! Don’t go before you know that. I was extremely happy that you came here to save me! You never let go of your promise to be there whenever I fall apart. I don’t want to leave your body here. What’s the purpose of all this? Please I need to hear you once again! Don’t die!”

“Ru..uh..n. . .” She rolls off of me with her failing strength.

My heart drops to the bottom of my chest while tears flood my eyes. I struggle getting my feet underneath me. The world spins around me and my stomach feels uneasy. I can’t hold it back. I never found myself shy to blood but this is far too much, too personal, and too real.

I get myself steady after the queasiness passes. Her last word repeats in my head. Run. Run. Run. Run. Shouts of men can be heard in the forest before the cliff. I can’t get pass them and I know that. I look to the sky beyond the cliff to see the Sun setting. My heart beats faster and faster until I begin running headlong towards the edge.

“I’m not worth your bullets! I’ll end this for you! Don’t go looking for me because the ocean will be my grave unless fate has something else in store for me! Let’s place a bet! If I come back I won’t be alone and we’ll take back this land for the memory of all who died to your destructive beliefs!!!” Gunfire sprays from the forest but not a shot hits me as I leap off the cliff.

I feel like I’m flying until gravity pulls me towards the rocks. Regrets cry out from within but I can’t say a word  as I fall like a spear into the sea. I’m sorry I couldn’t get away. They weren’t going to talk and I wanted to die next to you. Why did you tell me to run? Run to where? Save me somebody! My silent screams dig themselves into my spine forcing me to feel this unrelenting, crawling chill.

     Today is the worst day ever. I let my emotions get in the way and I almost killed myself. I killed the one person who made this life bearable. Her blood is on my hands. What God would. . .no this is the act of indecent men. If there is a God I need you now. Do whatever it takes just let me live through this day. I want to live on to be a thorn in the hide of evil so I can show light even in the dark. And if that is too much to ask then let her take my place in Heaven. I know she never believed in you but she never judged me for believing. She encouraged me to love you and if it wasn’t for her I’d be lost in my own sorrow. A life for a life is fair trade. I can’t ask for anything more.

    I close my eyes in anticipation of the end. The whole world shrinks to this place in the way a tragedy highlights the death of the protagonist. A single man isn’t wholly good or wholly evil but today one takes the stage. I am saying my last rights in my head as a wind touches my back as I am flung forward into salty water. My eyes open in my confusion to see a light above my head.

“A little wisp? They hide from people. What is it doing here? Did you. . .” I reach my hand towards the ball of light. “Who are you?” A familiar warmth startles me.  “Is this even possible?”

“Run.” The small wisp moves ahead and waits for me. I float in the water in a breathless daze while I look at my hand. “Run.”

I swim towards the light. The wisp keeps moving into the open ocean. Night descends upon us, the wisp leads on, I follow, and my heart feels her presence all around me. Whispers can be heard somewhere off in the distance but I can’t stop. My life is still in the hands of fate. The freezing water is slowing me down. My sense of touch fades away.

Suddenly the wisp rushes off into the night without me. Cold stiffens my joints and stings my throat. I can’t move. Did I follow a random wisp for no reason risking my life in the process? The warmth was so real like Olivia’s. I miss her. I grasped at the first thing to remind me of her. An old love  found in the warmth of another. I’m truly pathetic if I seek her so badly. Love is a great thing until the day it falls from the hands of whoever holds it. I still feel her love although she’s gone.

My eyes begin closing. A lot of little lights come into view in front of me. My body starts shutting down. Darkness covers everything once again. I could float endlessly in the tides like a rocking chair lulling me to sleep. Pinholes of warmth spread across my body letting me open my eyes once more. The wisps fade into my skin, they sing a song as they come to me, and magically my life recovers.

The world we once loved,
It has been made different and changed.
Some point we fell from our life
And found ourselves under a scythe.

Together we sing of light
To break us out of this endless night.
Our tears can flood
But no more do we have blood.

Something holds us to the Earthen soil
Although we left this mortal coil.

     Every light fuses with my body except for one. It floats in my reach as if waiting for something. Olivia’s light hasn’t touched me yet. Can this be her? What should I do? I reach my hand out towards the light only to see Olivia materialize before me. The whole world feels right once again.

     “I can’t stay long Rayne. I came to give you a final goodbye in this form. I’ll follow you endlessly as a wisp though. I heard you blaming yourself. Dumb ass! I did what I wanted to do because I love you. If I didn’t I would’ve let you get impaled by those rocks earlier.”

     “Do you have to criticize me even when you’re dead? I thought maybe this could be romantic but. . .” she kisses me quickly.

     “I do love you and that’s why I criticize. A ship will be here soon. I’ll be a wisp by the time they reach us. These people hunt a rare fish that breeds under the light of wisps. Go with them to wherever. You’ll have a good life. Forget about the past, keep me near, and move forward. Rayne, babe, I need you to promise me that you won’t ever come back to Dragacia. A horrible genocide will begin. I can’t handle the thought of losing you to those soldiers. Please promise me.” her body begins to shimmer and fragment.

     “I promise. We can be together forever this way. I’ll never let go of that as long as you’re around.” I kiss her back just before she turns back into a wisp.

A City of Glass: Part I, Chapter I

by Desnei, posted in Short Story

     My feet stand at the ledge of a cliff. Jagged rocks at the bottom claw towards the sky above. The gentle wind begs me to take another step, my heart clings to the Earth with memories, and the whole world spins on. I stare across the blue sea while licking my dry lips.

     “These ghosts follow so closely to reality. Inside these machines it’s electricity giving meaning to their movements. Is every dream the remnant of a creature or the decay of metal? If pain has no reason and dreams are meant to shatter then I can’t stay here anymore. Let me take this step, my gentle heart, because we weren’t strong enough to face the horrors of this world.” I try to take a step but my body won’t listen. “Why can’t I just run away from this place? Days after days I find myself here again. I’m unable to will myself.”

     Rushed footsteps echo from behind as two arms wrap around my chest. I fall backwards against a soft body. A hand plays with my hair and light giggles fill the world with joy. I reach up to touch a familiar cheek as warm as sunlight. Both of us smile for what feels like an eternity.

     “You look happy. Why. . .” she slaps me across the face, “Why in the world would you think about jumping!? You’re such a dumb ass sometimes. Did you know that? I won’t let you up until you answer me. Why?”

“Other people live so blindly. I can’t even tell if we’re the same creature. I don’t know if I want to know the truth. They told me that my God is an illusion. I told them they’re wrong but no I’m the criminal for believing in something more. What’s so wrong to look beyond this place of broken dreams? I want to get away from them before my heart breaks apart. You stopped me from taking the step into the other world. Do you do it out of love or do  you want me to fall and shatter? The cynics in this world push me too far. I can’t even see the good sometimes. Maybe they’re right that there’s no God.”

     “They’re wrong. God lives inside of you. Nobody can take away what makes you you. Let them say we are wrong and diseased and let them know we won’t ever change. If you don’t defend who you are they will rip you apart,put their beliefs inside of you and sow you back together with your own heart strings.” She slowly bends over to kiss my cheek.

We sit there in silence. The only noise is the song of birds echoing endlessly throughout the coast. If I listen closer I can hear her heartbeat. Ba dum, ba dum, ba dum, ba dum. I wrap an arm around her making her smile at me. A shiver runs down my spine. Words fill my mind but a knot in my throat stifles every attempt to utter a single breath.

     She leans against me, I let her get as close as she wants, we both turn our faces toward each other, eyes meet, a fire inside burns ever brighter, we lean in for the kiss, our lips touch, her tongue touches mine, time stands still, and a glorious light fills my eyes. Sensations flood my mind. I can’t tell what is going on but part of me doesn’t care. The haze in my mind clears up to show her above me staring into my eyes with a lost, enchanted demeanor.

     “Where does this begin and end? Caught in a swirling whirlwind. I want so much to give you all of my heart. The lovely way you enter my life, break the shell on my heart like a castle  wall, and maybe this a coup d’etat but I know my sins so I’m willing to place my life in your hands. Bring justice or bring salvation.”

     “Lay silent me Lord. Talk is cheap on the edge of love and lust. We could give in, let go, and be free. I love you.” A gun sounds off in the distance creating a chilling moment where time felt surreal in a bad way.