Category: Poetry

Misdirection

by Desnei, posted in Poetry

Stepping to the line that divides what I knew
From what I learned. The reality I have now
Might be a travesty in the eyes of the few.
At a point in the past I would wonder how.

Did I really care that much I’d judge myself?
Their words caught and placed me on a shelf.

My hands that can’t build or destroy a palace
Don’t play any role on this lonely island
Planet. What more can you want from me?
I gave my everything and still fell down.
We have grown but these scars remain
Making me believe I’m useless.
The strength I use to live is stolen
Because I don’t have any left.

One more bad dice roll from being forgotten.
I bet everyone would like that, to forget my sin
Then move on like I was never even here.
I see that daily. The truth has been clear
So I’ll try my best to live a lie with some reason.
What has hurt me will someday be forgotten.

Will I ever be able to live in your world?
I’ll always be there but I’m not that cold.

We won’t see eye to eye when you hate
Me for being what you can’t be.
The pain I fought through resonates
And trust me you’d never want a taste.
Fear consuming all that I am.

I’m so far gone since that fateful day
When you marked me. Shaken
My faith in this life I’ve taken.
The self hate that I will no longer say.

I have often questioned what I don’t like and why. My mind tries to understand every point of view for justification purposes. (Often that means forgiving horrendous acts because the person did what they thought was truly right even when they were misled.) Most people wouldn’t want to cross that line because they may never be able to find their way back. I’m positive I lost myself.

I can justify the worst actions but not mine. By judging myself too harshly I fail to find much meaning in the life I lead. Wish I could. The only tethers I have to this life are my friends even though they probably just pity me. “What do they really think of me?” haunts my mind when talking to them. If I started crying would they even know that THIS is why. There is an emptiness inside I will always hide.

The days slip by with me trying to do anything constructive. My hands slip before I ever become anything substantial. Others judge my failed efforts making me feel entirely useless. I can’t be them. I still try to be though! This is what can’t be justified. If I ever want to truly fight my own battle I need to tune out everyone else. I’m learning how to be the best man I can be.

Talk to me and you’ll never see the pain I harbor. Never believed anyone would help me so I never asked. Years went by I still remained quiet. People said I was either stupid or mean which I loathed with my whole being. No one expected anything from me. Where are my friends now? They’re moving on when my feet refuse to do the same. Will any of them reach out to see if I’m alright? Maybe they just gave up on me.

I made new friends who remind me  that this whole thing is wrong. I’m doing the best I can in a tough situation. The words of others affect me more because I am self conscious after everything that has happened to me. My mind never stops analyzing giving myself a different perspective that others have a tough time relating. I found people who take the time. Everything is starting to look up.
sa;bdry

Shifting Paradigms

by Desnei, posted in Poetry

A world I love for good and bad
Like the Sun and moon we watch
Every day. Every cell will attach
Creating all living things. I’m sad.
The endless beauty lost to a match
Destined to burn the canvas. A patch.
Temporary verdant, is all I ever had.

Will you ever see me just once?
I stay here watching you dance.

My true name remains unknown
But you know it. Say it to me again.
Human, a beast without a crown.

What I’m meant to be isn’t grand
Although, a majesty exists to be seen:
The gift of chance known as the Earth.
This is what I’m aiming to always see.
Existence. I find resistance from others
Bringing me to my knees. I’ll never beg!

Why force me into a lonely spiral?
Gripping to the ledge I remember
Everything I believe and love. November,
Harbinger of our frigid Winter crystal.

I thought we’d enter the blizzard’s fray
Without ill will but I saw you walk away.
There was a time I’d ask you to stay.

I’m caught in a shift from romanticism
And dark romanticism towards realism.

A romantic drowning in a world of realists. “Am I alone?” These three words echo in an empty space. Well there isn’t a point in self loathing when I know I’m different from the rest. I don’t fit the paradigm created by mankind. I have no desire to destroy or change it just observe. I’ll do what is necessary for a self-respectable life but nothing more. Lazy? Perhaps. Happy? Yeah. The difference is my life is based on the profound instead of the mundane.

treeinfourseasons

The Heart of the Drageci

by Desnei, posted in Poetry, Rise of the First Blight

Solomon watches the time slip away
From his hands. The tears they flood
And he dreams of drowning in them.

One day a strange, cloaked woman
Finds herself chased by angry men.
Rattled by his thoughts he watches
In horror as they drag her into an alley.

He knows he has to help but his body won’t listen.
Blood oozes from the alley with a strange glisten.

The woman returns and stares at Solomon
Who backs up. She reveals to him her face.
“The Heart of Drageci shines like the Sun
In you. They made you the king of our race.”

“King? I have nothing near nobility in my blood.
Go find yourself another murderous psychopath
To play this game with.” “You killed an entire race.”
“By loving someone far too much.” “Love exists.
You just didn’t know what that ring was and paid
In a way steeper than the Mistwalkers. I’m sorry.”

“So what is that Heart of Drageci? I’m curious.”
“A seven chamber heart. Four for your blood
And three for the Mists. We are of their brood,
The Mistwalkers bred with humans.” “Delirious.”

“Maybe but I’ll be by your side always, my king.”
“Great. . .I attract crazy.” And thus the bells ring
For the day fate comes by yet no angels will sing.
sa;bdry

An Ode to Solomon Alighieri

by Desnei, posted in Poetry, Rise of the First Blight

A footstep out of place brought an end
To an era. Walking for hope and love
But went too far. The ring he bears
Is the key to a remedy called tragedy.

The love for an abandoned child
Who called this man father burns.
If the time comes that the page turns
Love will destroy what they build.

An ancient device began working once more
Heralding the future. Death evened the score.

Given the guilty gift of life he returned home
And fell into despair. His son will never come.
Good ideas led even to the burning of Rome.
great-fire-rome-nero

Eye to Eye with the Darkness

by Desnei, posted in Poetry, Song

These days I’ve seen doves become ravens
Yet the grace remains in their flight. Hunger,
The difference between the good and the evil.

I watch from afar as death and injustice
Rest atop the apex of this epoch as deities.
My hands appear bloody in my dreams.

Their deaths stain both the lost and silent.
My heart tries but will never be resilient.

I call it a curse because I’m fearful of the truth I see.
Anchor myself in truth though I speak in allusions
For it hurts my soul to know. The world has illusions
That I never make friends with. Castoff in the sea.

If I end up drowning in all the blood spilled by the avaricious
Know I have no regrets for I could never close my own eyes.
54aa7a83afd0515f6dab3a3bc97121b8

To Learn

by Desnei, posted in Poetry, Song

Sometimes I start feeling like the worst
When remembering catastrophes I created.
The good left desecrated. Flowers wilting
After they bloom. My heart rejects that time.

A time I didn’t know myself. You’re right,
I did terrible things and I can’t fix the past.
These memories sting but they won’t last
If my heart keeps beating to find the light.

No matter what I’ll be prepared for a fight
When it comes my way. Sorry, I failed you
Yet I call on that for the strength I’m lacking.

“I moved on.” The lie everyone says once in a while.
Nobody can forget what they gave just to see a smile.
Is that all gone? Regrets force us to change. (No denial!)
learning

Searching for Clairvoyance

by Desnei, posted in Poetry, Song

So little are these beliefs I carry.
They feel like rocks in my hands
And I am left with a decision.
Should I try to build once more?

Every time I built this to the sky
It fell down, to discover my fear.

You don’t just walk away from that.
The fear takes residence in the heart
Leaving me lost and shivering. Why?
I’ll ask it again like a razor to flesh.
Put it down. The body craves the fear
And I’ve become a vessel of addiction.

I start searching for what I can’t see anymore.
Along the way my eyes have been blinded;
Beliefs and memories distort reality’s plane.
Looking for someone who clears up my vision.

We all seek clairvoyance. The thoughts in our heads
Keep us imprisoned. Show someone the way back
To Earth because we’re drifting in outer space.
Until that day we remain asleep as time moves.

fear_by_akirakirai-d37teev
Picture by akirakirai

 

 

The Dimetri Uterna (The Dimension of All)

by Desnei, posted in Poetry

Have you had regrets on a choice already made?
Most likely. You’ll feel that way once in a while
But people push pass that. Just as the Nile
Will never see Cleopatra again things will fade.

For now that’s what we can understand
But doesn’t make it true. Grains of sand
Aren’t aware of the desert but it does exist.
What are we unaware of? Don’t try to resist.

The unknown will always be a thick miasma
Filling our every breath with true brilliance.

Every choice has been exhausted. We burn like a wick
Inside a lantern to brighten the path cloaked in night.
Every shard of time frozen, eternally awaiting ascension
Of consciousness, bathes the dark path in an afterglow.
All the timelines converge to grant us clairvoyance.

Falling into the Dimetri Uterna once more.
Before existence it was full of darkness
But no longer. The light heals every sore
Life created. We’ll reach our own potential.

The unknown will always be a thick miasma
Filling our every breath with true brilliance.

There is no telling what awaits beyond here and now
Even with all the blind faith in the world. As the crow
Flies we push onward to survive even if we do fly low.

Don’t let that be all you do. A glorious universe
Blesses everything with radiation from gamma rays
Released in the death of giant stars. Nothing stays
For long but the moments echo their own verse.

Can you hear them? The undead memories
Of a dying Universe refusing to disappear.
A Universe that never wanted to be alone
Created us all. Can you hear the happiness?

As we stare at the stars in the sky we’ll remember
How little we actually are then enter our slumber.
falcon

Never Let This Fade Away

by Desnei, posted in Poetry

Grand schemes direct the mannequins
Like an orchestra. Sent to chase the light,
Can they see their folly in denying a gift?
I’m not unlike them with all these sins.

We have all let others down in the past
And maybe today as well. I won’t say
Any excuses because this is the way it is
If we never push away from what we know.
The faith given to me melted away as snow
When this Winter ends. Seasons in this
Mind of mine follow no set rules. Decay
Eternalized. I search for a Spring to last.

A place where life never ends. My fantasy
Translates into a dream eternal. I shiver
From the icy betrayal of life, a dagger
In my back. How do I say forever this easy?

I knew nothingness before life. How can there be more?
Let these memories remain if anything. To God I swore.

The things I forget are many. Will her face fade away?
Tears fall from my eyes for I’m afraid to lose this.
Sinful is my heart aching in hunger of the truth
As it rips asunder the world I know. Am I even alive?

I knew nothingness before life. How can there be more?
Let these memories remain if anything. To God I swore.

Neuroses plague me as a flock of demons circling like vultures.
I’m far beyond Heaven and Hell now. Light is the carefree mind,
Darkness is the cloudy mind; the primal forces are my chains.

I’ll love with this heart and fear with this mind.
A chaotic existence I live to see events rewind
Because I want to see that smile. A strong wind
Inside carries me forward. . .I can’t fall behind.
eternity

Fireburst, A Melody of My Heart

by Desnei, posted in Poetry

Trying hard to impress; beautiful
In success, ugly in failure. A story
To write onto bones day by day.
Lines drawn leave an emptiness.

I tell myself I’m good but digress inside.
Afraid and taunted I feel fire like a tide.

Build the pyre higher. Reaching to the dark skies
Where stars no longer shine. Light pollution,
I can no longer find my way with these unfit eyes.
The sparkling city feels like artificial isolation.

Celestial tears fade away within. Dreams seize up,
Body goes stiff. I can’t bear this curse any longer.
Getting back up, blood pushing through; reborn.

A fiery passion arises. I come face to face with my fate
But rejected it. If this flame remains I’ll soon detonate
Like a time bomb. Before I came to help way too late
And saw the battle lost. This war remains. Now I’m irate.

Watch the flower blossom, a fireburst taking over.
When pushed to the line I return stronger than ever.

I wish in the end that we’ll be cleansed of this war’s taint!
When the dead rise we have gone too far. My undead heart
Fuels a battle cry you’ll soon feel rushing through. A blade
Pierces fragile flesh as we shake and scream for this life.

In this love we can’t ever give up. That’s what you told
Me way back when. I’ll be the fireburst that will hold
You in fiery warmth if your heart and soul ever go cold.
heart-on-fire