The Creators of Fate: Humanity

I walk among statues of the people I swore I’d defend. They all stare at the center of the city, the Citadel of Lost Dreams. A group of cloaked men walk to the entrance but stop to look at me. One of them in the back touches their shoulders making them collapse lifelessly. Shadows cover his face and still I could see his eyes. In his eyes radiates a white, illuminated fury.

When a darkness manifests from our hearts
Into existence it’s a blight of the World Tree.
We tried living on green plains and to be free
But we burned it all away. The story repeats.

Twelve blights forsake the roots fighting to live
Among desiccation. We only take and never give.

So will you change before it’s too late?

sink
It takes just one act to change everything. . .

Of These White Flames

I spoke the lost truth born from the Loom
Of Woven Lies to avoid impending doom.

The reality we’re all too afraid to take witness,
But it’s there within the heaviness of our hearts.
Inside there is a war we wage that’ll never end
Because we never learn. I stand guilty as well.
My heart left calloused from attempts to see
While still blind. Words others said resonate
Like birds singing yet they’re nowhere now.

Why did they lie? I’m left here hung by their words,
My noose; the condemned convict left for the crows.
All I did was ask for the truth then they took swords
Against my existence. “All the stones a giant throws.”

I’ll burn in white flames until we can see eye to eye.
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Distant Skyline

I was told to listen to my heart whenever I find myself unsure.
Well I haven’t seen any certainty. This sickness with no cure.

The skies once held much better dreams and aspirations
Among wispy clouds. Silver linings, yeah, they fade away
When there’s no way to ever go back. Altitude unreachable,
At least for now I’m much too far from that calming skyline.
Evil exists even when people are blind. I couldn’t walk away.
A curse placed upon me will run its course. All I can ever do
Is fight against the fate I’ve been given. Is this my punishment?

Armies of the undead rise to meet me. Our endless war
Nothing more than a cry in the dark but we continue onward.
Dragged into these catacombs, forgotten; I still move forward
Chasing a distant skyline. Tell me this, how far is too far?

Something blocks the way back leaving me with one choice.
I must delve the dark if I want to never see memories erase.sa;bdry

Caught Between Lethe and Phlegethon ~ Prologue

After a long and tiring journey I find myself somewhere between, between where dreams are born and choices are made. The events of my life stand in front of me like an illusion of endless mirrors but I know better. Every choice I wrought to life with my callous, shaking hands remains reminiscent of who I am. My heart beats and I listen to the melody because that’s life. Those steps I follow in stride toward a new tomorrow echo in my ears still.

Although the concept of days ends, I chase after the dawn even now. I rejoice in the willingness to continue. Why do I hold so dearly to hope like it’s instinct? My sense of self remains but there’s something off. The mirror keeps me lost between dawn and dusk. What ifs in life given brilliant illumination in the form of a mirror.

Anger, the sensation of rushing blood and chemicals, tells me I can never be those what ifs the mirror shows. I touch the smooth surface. The lives better and worse feel absent of all heart. Senseless existences could never comprehend existing. What comes of me if I accept these false lives? People should sacrifice some for greater things. I can’t do that even if it’s the right thing because all I understand is what I’ve done. There’s no going back.

I shatter the mirror with my bare fists. The glass digs deep into my knuckles, blood drips from the cuts, and a plume of glass fragments and dust remains. My rejection of possible outcomes only solidifies when I can no longer see the paths. I step on every fragment reflecting a happier me that could never be. Maybe a different me takes the other paths but I never will. Time only allows a single path. There’s a higher consciousness where I can see every option, know everything, and be a better man.

The question remains:
Will I still be me when I reach that point?

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The Defiled Heart

The darkness inside lashes at my memories
In an attempt to steal who I am. It’s the mark
Burned into my flesh awaking my inner demons.

My wrath, lust, and pride slithering under my skin;
A burn that never goes away. Will they ever win?
I swallow my unsettled doubts, like pills with gin.

We don’t choose the fights we’re tossed into. Survive,
That’s what our hearts scream. Is that why I still strive?

Dark and cold black flames judge my heart to a feather.
I failed. Know that I’m not giving in. There’s a day that
I gotta see with these eyes and feel with these hands.
My wretched fate repeats day by day yet, I smile.

They call me Ariex Nightblade. I watched wars,
Witnessed genocide, killed a friend; I left
The Royal Protectorate to heal these scars.
This curse I took on instead of being ever so bereft.

My brother Synji bears the other mark.
The endarkened; the illuminated.
We serve two roles in a grand tragedy.

I need to survive. . .reject fate ordained.

sa;bdry

Our Redemption

The Sins We Carry Together

When did all the little lies we once said manifest
Into hate and disconnect? The lives we risk in an
Attempt to conceal our sins. Will they ever return?
I looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize myself.
In my hand I hold a sword but, I know I’m a killer.

Dark clouds stretch from horizon to horizon
As if on this day Gehenna comes for us all.

The generals lead us into tactical formation.
Others look at mementos thinking about others
And their promise to return. But this is devastation,
The last station between life and death flowers.

Flowers will grow from the corpses both sides leave.
The pollen will reach loved ones. They’ll cry and heave.
I’m not here for honor and justice. Wars must be fought;
The sins of the few are the sins of humanity. I sought. . .

Peace that never came. If war is the price we pay
Take me instead of these people with lives
To return to.

Step to the drawn line,
The flowers will blossom soon;
We face the storm now.

Gehenna Rising

The sound of catapults firing, louder than thunder,
Echoes across the battlefield. Formation scatters,
Calvary clashes between the carnage, and the blood
Flows from mangled bodies into the fray.

Kindness absent in both our and their eyes.
Instead a flame burns, threatening what’s left
Of our humanity. How the truth is swept
Away even as we bleed under these skies.

Does anyone understand the consequences?
Thieves steal and live, heroes fight and die.
We aren’t characters in a story. We won’t surrender
To those that push good people to kill. Soldiers stand
Together staring into the abyss selfishness makes.

The coins we cast into wells never answered;
Tears into blood and mud. We are the tortured.

We raised Gehenna in search of redemption. . .

The Demon Within

In a flash of lightning and fire the cavalry
Enter the abyss. Both armies charge.
We all understand that this evil stage
Will only end when we achieve victory.

I pour my heart into a strike against another blade
To deflect the attack. The enemy stares at me
Like a wild beast. He isn’t wrong.
Other soldiers swing at me as I roll back.
My comrades attack and pierce their chests.
I hear them suffocating. We push forward.

Enemies and allies fall to their knees
All around me. Tears brim in my eyes.

Everyone lays around except me and one man.
Our pain leads us toward each other;
The gravity of our hearts pulls eternally.

Our blades clash with the heaviness we carry
As our feet sink into the bog. A photo falls
From the enemy’s pocket but we attack again.
I scream and kick the man back into the mud,
He takes off his helmet, we stare at each other.

We get ready for another fight.
“Only one can live this hell.”
“By sky, by earth, by sea; return.”
The man slices through my arm
Before I can even react. I fall
Into his arms and stab him in the gut.

“Aim to kill. Your enemy will show. . .”
“No. . .mercy.” He coughs up blood.
I couldn’t watch. I wrap my hands
Around his neck so he suffers no more.

After I pick up his sword and rest it in the ground.
The storm dissipates but, I keep on crying
For everyone that died today; the only sound
Left to be heard. “We were all trying. . .”

Daylight Breaks

“The payment atones but if we never change
Then what good is it? We are all so strange.”

I turn toward the Sun and begin walking.

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To Shatter Life’s Bindings

The fall of blade ricochets inside my mind
Whenever I realize what we’ve been fighting for.
I’m disarming myself with the enemy behind
My back and beneath my skin. What’s in store?

Walls built within aren’t ever built perfectly.
We pray for the sledgehammers secretly.

I’ll have my fights but not now.
Look at the calmness in my eyes,
I’m not willing to fight this war.
The war between my heart, my mind,
And what others say. I surrender.
I just want to be humble and free.

If I forget these subconscious chains
I can forge my destiny even as it rains.

sa;bdry
All of us will die someday. . .better live on our own terms.

To Face This Life

Still working on my first novella little by little. Everyday I find myself thinking about the plot. At a point I needed a break from writing it. The problem was created when I asked myself very honest questions. For example:
 
What is best for a person to do?
 
To lose yourself in the duty of others; to do what is expected of yourself; to live for something greater. I understand these points of view but I seek so much more. The closest to truth I found is in a quote from Gautama Buddha.
 
“Your purpose in life is to find your purpose and give your whole heart and soul to it.”
 
In the novella a man makes a promise to never resort to violence like the people who destroyed the life he once had. The friend he promised that to dies in his arms before he could tell her his true feelings. His world keeps turning on him but for this promise he’ll keep living on.
 
I started wondering about what that would feel. Reality will set in and each day will just get harder than the last. The truth is I am unsure if I could keep my word. True love stays around forever. She left a mark on him that cannot be erased. What if he uses violence to protect those hurt? Truthfully humanity talks in ideals. The truth should be unprecedented but simple like breathing.
The novella started teaching me more about life. I decided that maybe I need to understand much more before this novella can be. My poetry took root during that time of indecision. The plot of the novella haunted me each time I started to write. Life started creating more struggles for me to overcome. I lost a lot of things and thought I’d never recover.
Many of these lost things weren’t selfish. Strength of my muscles declining, body pain, and faith in what I promised to loved ones. I silenced my voice because I’m ready for the fight of a lifetime. To write about love and never reach it. . .to hold the hand of someone who wants to stay. Nobody will help me reach the girl I truly love and at least she tells me she truly loves me too. Every day I traverse leads me closer.
Will she or eternity catch me first?
Everyone tells me to enjoy what I have. I’m living in stasis, a pale dream of the greater whole. I try learning new things, dreaming of a happy day, believing time is on my side, and realizing I lie to myself. These lies ate everything I am. Until I can break free from them I’ll never understand how the novella ends. The pain keeps me from writing sometimes. And now I know why.
Life wants me to act even if I’m scared. FUCK IT, I WILL CHASE WHAT I BELIEVE IN UNTIL MY FINAL BREATH.
sa;bdry

Of These True Desires

Realities collapse. Those who have traversed the void
Of endless possibilities understand that there is a road
One must take to understand oneself. Not led by a goad.

Walking down a lonely hallway, but the mind opens a gate
To a metaphysical plane where your thoughts can manifest.
How do you see this world? Events ultimately leave their mark
And you’ll never be the same. On the inside, are you still okay?

You might walk on by but you’ll never hide that metaphysical scar
Born from weakness. Do you hide it behind your false strength
Or tell yourself that pain should be forgotten? It exists for a reason.
When life feels dark there’s light to be found. Season by season
Choices are made and consequences are met. The length
You walk in life isn’t a set number. Face it to find your own lodestar.

What I see will never give any light to the demons you’ve created.
I understand that I’ll never break through the barrier you generated.
That doesn’t mean I won’t try. Everything I chase isn’t out of desire
But compassion. I want to bring a storm to your heart that’s on fire.

Crossing the planes of existence just to say I love you. . .

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To Be Free is to Choose

Existence has no chains at all for a beast to tighten
Yet, the beast can loosen what was already there.
An entirely new story through a choice can be written.

That’s the beauty in being. Every single choice holds
Another universe in place at its roots. My only strength
To make my way through all these entangled events;
A noose hugging my neck. There is no certainty here.

I never know if I will be safe. Little lies can comfort
Me like they do for everyone else until I walk away.
A missed heartbeat, a step from a chair, a sway
On a cliff ~ I can’t let my dreams be a last resort.

Life can come undone as quickly as spun thread.
Should calipers cut it or should it unwind instead?

I’ll spend my whole being weaving the tapestry unseen.
My life isn’t mine to lead but to witness and to create
A story that only I can tell. Not for society, not for humanity,
Not for faith; I might be unaffiliated with others but I’m free.

chao
Existence has no set path for the Universe is but a forest. . .