Tag: Strength

In the Face of Adversity

by Desnei, posted in Poetry

Notes and memories litter the void of my mind.
I followed the words I’ve been told just to rewind
Back to this one moment where I await the wind.

Why am I caught here? The sails have unfurled
But the air remains still. I start wondering more,
My heart begins sinking beneath all this fear inside.
This reoccurring thought with such a bittersweet taste:

“Do I even belong?”

I once fought that sentence with the entirety of my life.
Every fortification I made was lost with the tide
Because they were sandcastles. I can no longer hide
From the stillness of my life and must relinquish strife.

I have no plan to ever surrender life just accepting this fate
So I can finally overcome it, removing the chains of hate.
hect

Searching For Alexandria

by Desnei, posted in Poetry

All the minutes turn into hours, incarceration;
These years have been taken by my own hand.
Lost in an endless desert. Sinking in the sand
Until bones are bleached white. Devastation.

I began a search for a new library of Alexandria
Knowing that what I find might just be solitude.
Clarity comes at a lesser cost than finding peace
Because a crystal clear river can still be polluted.

Any simple choice can change the outcome.
I wonder, is that what led to the fall of Rome?

If I sacrifice my time to obtain potential knowledge
I’m letting my life burn away in the air like a candle wick.
But I don’t do that. I dream of an Alexandria, a free haven
For every man, and fight to experience a life worth keeping.

At the end I’ll place a book on the shelf in Alexandria.
Great or bad the book is mine. To avoid this hysteria
Thriving within I’ll write on even during a silent feria.
library-future

The Imprint of a Life

by Desnei, posted in Poetry

Echoing footsteps reside within the membrane of time,
Far away from this moment. The shadows dance before us
Creating eternity. We are replicated before we are decimated;
I came to see the human you were decay until every truss
Comes undone. Will we fall in the end? Erase this crime.

When I saw a rose I pondered the meaning not the reasoning
And conjured a chasm inescapable. What did you see then?
A stranger? I never felt number. Told to explore then lost
Everyone who couldn’t come this far. My lonely throne. . .

We walk forward upon the long road our hearts pave,
Rain or shine. Fate we’re forced into. My lonely grave. . .

Shifting shadows echo everything we’ve ever done.
Virtues and vices eternal; we are lost
Within the dark as our corpses frost,
We are found every second that we thaw in the Sun.

Running from the tide on our heels we change so much.
The future will drown us all eventually but we run.
We run because it is all we know and we’re out of touch.

Haunted by the skeletons of time I’ll fight my way
Through my own sepulcher until the very last day.
Magic_Sword_Wings_Tattoo_by_Nalavara

Tear Down the Wall Dividing Us

by Desnei, posted in Poetry, Song

Waiting on the day I can breathe once again.
Choked on the fumes of existence and dreams,
I can”t breathe the same air as long as I remain
Living. Every time I try all I can hear are screams.

Is that the imprint left from mankind,
An inability to accept falling behind?

The idea that a wall exists dictating productive
From obsolete. Life should never be quantified
Yet, I still find my own heart to be quite ineffective
When the truth is seen: We’re divided not unified.

Trying my best they dissect and analyze.
We’re no longer trying to relate anymore.
This predatory game played only hurts us.

Don’t betray another for the lies you’ve been fed
For this world has seen much despair in our stead.

Misdirection

by Desnei, posted in Poetry

Stepping to the line that divides what I knew
From what I learned. The reality I have now
Might be a travesty in the eyes of the few.
At a point in the past I would wonder how.

Did I really care that much I’d judge myself?
Their words caught and placed me on a shelf.

My hands that can’t build or destroy a palace
Don’t play any role on this lonely island
Planet. What more can you want from me?
I gave my everything and still fell down.
We have grown but these scars remain
Making me believe I’m useless.
The strength I use to live is stolen
Because I don’t have any left.

One more bad dice roll from being forgotten.
I bet everyone would like that, to forget my sin
Then move on like I was never even here.
I see that daily. The truth has been clear
So I’ll try my best to live a lie with some reason.
What has hurt me will someday be forgotten.

Will I ever be able to live in your world?
I’ll always be there but I’m not that cold.

We won’t see eye to eye when you hate
Me for being what you can’t be.
The pain I fought through resonates
And trust me you’d never want a taste.
Fear consuming all that I am.

I’m so far gone since that fateful day
When you marked me. Shaken
My faith in this life I’ve taken.
The self hate that I will no longer say.

I have often questioned what I don’t like and why. My mind tries to understand every point of view for justification purposes. (Often that means forgiving horrendous acts because the person did what they thought was truly right even when they were misled.) Most people wouldn’t want to cross that line because they may never be able to find their way back. I’m positive I lost myself.

I can justify the worst actions but not mine. By judging myself too harshly I fail to find much meaning in the life I lead. Wish I could. The only tethers I have to this life are my friends even though they probably just pity me. “What do they really think of me?” haunts my mind when talking to them. If I started crying would they even know that THIS is why. There is an emptiness inside I will always hide.

The days slip by with me trying to do anything constructive. My hands slip before I ever become anything substantial. Others judge my failed efforts making me feel entirely useless. I can’t be them. I still try to be though! This is what can’t be justified. If I ever want to truly fight my own battle I need to tune out everyone else. I’m learning how to be the best man I can be.

Talk to me and you’ll never see the pain I harbor. Never believed anyone would help me so I never asked. Years went by I still remained quiet. People said I was either stupid or mean which I loathed with my whole being. No one expected anything from me. Where are my friends now? They’re moving on when my feet refuse to do the same. Will any of them reach out to see if I’m alright? Maybe they just gave up on me.

I made new friends who remind me  that this whole thing is wrong. I’m doing the best I can in a tough situation. The words of others affect me more because I am self conscious after everything that has happened to me. My mind never stops analyzing giving myself a different perspective that others have a tough time relating. I found people who take the time. Everything is starting to look up.
sa;bdry

Eye to Eye with the Darkness

by Desnei, posted in Poetry, Song

These days I’ve seen doves become ravens
Yet the grace remains in their flight. Hunger,
The difference between the good and the evil.

I watch from afar as death and injustice
Rest atop the apex of this epoch as deities.
My hands appear bloody in my dreams.

Their deaths stain both the lost and silent.
My heart tries but will never be resilient.

I call it a curse because I’m fearful of the truth I see.
Anchor myself in truth though I speak in allusions
For it hurts my soul to know. The world has illusions
That I never make friends with. Castoff in the sea.

If I end up drowning in all the blood spilled by the avaricious
Know I have no regrets for I could never close my own eyes.
54aa7a83afd0515f6dab3a3bc97121b8

To Learn

by Desnei, posted in Poetry, Song

Sometimes I start feeling like the worst
When remembering catastrophes I created.
The good left desecrated. Flowers wilting
After they bloom. My heart rejects that time.

A time I didn’t know myself. You’re right,
I did terrible things and I can’t fix the past.
These memories sting but they won’t last
If my heart keeps beating to find the light.

No matter what I’ll be prepared for a fight
When it comes my way. Sorry, I failed you
Yet I call on that for the strength I’m lacking.

“I moved on.” The lie everyone says once in a while.
Nobody can forget what they gave just to see a smile.
Is that all gone? Regrets force us to change. (No denial!)
learning

Never Let This Fade Away

by Desnei, posted in Poetry

Grand schemes direct the mannequins
Like an orchestra. Sent to chase the light,
Can they see their folly in denying a gift?
I’m not unlike them with all these sins.

We have all let others down in the past
And maybe today as well. I won’t say
Any excuses because this is the way it is
If we never push away from what we know.
The faith given to me melted away as snow
When this Winter ends. Seasons in this
Mind of mine follow no set rules. Decay
Eternalized. I search for a Spring to last.

A place where life never ends. My fantasy
Translates into a dream eternal. I shiver
From the icy betrayal of life, a dagger
In my back. How do I say forever this easy?

I knew nothingness before life. How can there be more?
Let these memories remain if anything. To God I swore.

The things I forget are many. Will her face fade away?
Tears fall from my eyes for I’m afraid to lose this.
Sinful is my heart aching in hunger of the truth
As it rips asunder the world I know. Am I even alive?

I knew nothingness before life. How can there be more?
Let these memories remain if anything. To God I swore.

Neuroses plague me as a flock of demons circling like vultures.
I’m far beyond Heaven and Hell now. Light is the carefree mind,
Darkness is the cloudy mind; the primal forces are my chains.

I’ll love with this heart and fear with this mind.
A chaotic existence I live to see events rewind
Because I want to see that smile. A strong wind
Inside carries me forward. . .I can’t fall behind.
eternity

Fireburst, A Melody of My Heart

by Desnei, posted in Poetry

Trying hard to impress; beautiful
In success, ugly in failure. A story
To write onto bones day by day.
Lines drawn leave an emptiness.

I tell myself I’m good but digress inside.
Afraid and taunted I feel fire like a tide.

Build the pyre higher. Reaching to the dark skies
Where stars no longer shine. Light pollution,
I can no longer find my way with these unfit eyes.
The sparkling city feels like artificial isolation.

Celestial tears fade away within. Dreams seize up,
Body goes stiff. I can’t bear this curse any longer.
Getting back up, blood pushing through; reborn.

A fiery passion arises. I come face to face with my fate
But rejected it. If this flame remains I’ll soon detonate
Like a time bomb. Before I came to help way too late
And saw the battle lost. This war remains. Now I’m irate.

Watch the flower blossom, a fireburst taking over.
When pushed to the line I return stronger than ever.

I wish in the end that we’ll be cleansed of this war’s taint!
When the dead rise we have gone too far. My undead heart
Fuels a battle cry you’ll soon feel rushing through. A blade
Pierces fragile flesh as we shake and scream for this life.

In this love we can’t ever give up. That’s what you told
Me way back when. I’ll be the fireburst that will hold
You in fiery warmth if your heart and soul ever go cold.
heart-on-fire

Lost in the Sea of Self

by Desnei, posted in Poetry

Slumbering memories sinking under
The waves of existence. When I awake
Will anything remain of what I knew?

A canvas bleeding light and darkness
Until every inch is changed. Calmness
Washes over as I remember tenderness
I could never find but it rests in nothingness.

From the Sea of Self new life will awaken.
I’m but a single thread caught between.

Walking through the lonesome shallows
Where shadows haunt. I feel my heart race
As they remember something that we erase
Along the way. They ready the gallows.

Screaming, lashing; I’m dragged before the noose.
A rope made of the falsities my memories release
Dangles from the smog in the air. Of all the things
Given and taken by me the sentence seems right
For a thief. On the platform a lonely crow sings
Like a tragic form of catharsis. The rope is loose
And I look around to see no one. I hear a noise.

A great storm roars from not far. Nowhere to run
I fall on my knees and tears crash straight down.

“When everything comes undone will you stand or run?”
sa;bdry