Of These Passing Stars; Part IV

     A howl breaking through the membranes that divide mind and heart leaves a fissure within. Every thought of self seems even less real. They vanish into the fissure. No way to be led back to the correct path if there ever was one to begin with. And the truth stands perpetually like a pagan monument built on hallowed ground.

     I realize the thoughts in my head don’t justify a thing. The truth will be even if every soul is deleted. Who am I to question it? All I can do is try my best at living. The howl returns me from the open space inside. My mind must calculate and my heart must will. If they do anything else I will lose this battle.

     The beast dashes at me once more with gnashing fangs. I cross my blades right before the impact connects. A shock wave of force runs through the blades and into my bones. I grunt from the pain then realize the beast just standing in front of me.

     “Why does it have armor?” I say the most obscure thought in my head making the entire regiment laugh.

     I remove my plate armor and taunt the beast. It charges at me but I jump over the attempt. The alchemists’ summon a magical barrier before it went any further. A staggering opponent unaware of me above aiming my blades for his eyes. It howls once more causing the barrier to crack.

     The sergeant stands in front of the alchemists as a secondary barrier if the first falls. This is always harder with others. After I lost the only two families I ever had I’m cold to his selfless gesture. Novice alchemists can’t withstand the shear strength of the demons I fight. Well gravity will be the determining factor here. The beast lashes out with its arms shattering the barrier. Crystallized shards of mist fire off in every direction.

     I slam the blades into the beast’s neck and push it backwards. Dark mist spews from the wounds. My chest starts burning when the dark mist engulfs the whole field. I tear my shirt off and feel the mark left there years ago from a lover. Memories about her I chose to forget return because the darkness feeds an inner fire I wish to put out.

     “Poor old Niteblade abandoned by everyone he cares about. Unable to see what was in front of you you accepted one of us. Was it the face of your lover that made you blind? Did you not see the corpses, smell the decay, watch friends kill each other with their ravenous lust, and see your lover leading that dark covenant?” a sinister voice emerges.

     “I saw everything. She lost her way and so did others. But that woman wasn’t my lover. She was one of you, the Endarkened.”

     “Is that what you call us? We are the Illuminated. Life hurts some people really badly. The Mists have been altered and now the strong emotions people catalyzes an extreme reaction. Complete soul removal. The human must be a willing party for us to be created. But there is another way if an emotional bond ties a human to an Illuminated. You gave into the desires of flesh and desecrated yourself.”

     “Yeah. I’m a human we make mistakes sometimes small and sometimes big. We will screw up but we can learn. Can your kind learn anything more than your patron sin? Pride.”

     “You could tell? I can’t say if we know our potential when we are hunted like beasts. Ask your superiors who imprisoned the Seven Kings and altered the Mists. But what do you care? All you know is orders like we know sin. We both don’t understand why we exist.”

     “I don’t feel for you. The fact I can relate makes me want to kill you more. I’ll check into your lead though and lay to rest every corpse you tainted in your wake.”

     “Thank you. I don’t like living if it means I erase everything around me. But I can’t surrender without a fight. My patron sin says more terrible things and you’ll never hear it. Why? Your friend who stood in the way of those alchemists. He’ll never be able to return to battle even if he lives. Such a selfless act refutes my existence.”

     “Your execution comes from the Spear made from the light of hope. Searing through the damnation until only humanity remains. The word of God is lost yet morality never dies. It is in all of us to stand upright no matter how much we fall. Without holy text we can still see the way. Defiled hearts must be cleansed by the surging waters of hope and change.”

     “Beautifully resolute. You have admirable qualities but lack many things. I won’t pretend that I can persuade you to sin. Death is the answer then I’ll snatch your soul. Lowly beings such as yourself make lovely pawns.” Pride snickers at my belief and humanity.

     I reach for my blade while listening to the wind for Pride’s movements. The darkness parts, I shove my blade into the opening, and see red blood spew out. I stumble back fearing my action. A laugh trails from multiple places in the darkness. Blood on me dissipates into the darkness. Thoughts pile up in my head making it even harder to see the difference between illusions and reality.

     I feel with my left foot. My boot hits the hilt of my other sword. I kick up the blade and grab it. Something feels weird. The weight is off. It transforms into a spike and pushes into my palm. My mark reacts violently. Blood turns black and crystallizes into a blade. I feel my mind slipping underneath the taint.

     The blade absorbs the darkness. Pride stares at me with a smug gaze. He rushes me biting and clawing like a wild beast. My flesh begins to crack and memories begin shattering. I struggle to find any light within me. Everything goes black but I can still hear my thoughts.

     Stop the darkness, I must. EMBRACE IT!!! No, I can’t. My life h as to remain. I’ve seen too much. REST FOR A WHILE. . .no. If I let you win I’ll never be safe inside. Isn’t that overrated? Very much so. Then why? I must make right the past. You can’t. I know that. Why then? To protect my new friends.

     Light pours from the cracks. I stand up in a beam of sunlight. The blade that is my right hand dissolves the darkness within. Sunshine fills the crystalline blade. Pride backs away with fear then starts laughing. I dash at him but his claws deflect my attack.

     “Did you really think light could. . .” Pride’s claw fades away into the sunlight.

     I push him back to the edge of the forest clearing. A giant oak stands between him and escape. I say a prayer under my breath and shatter the crystalline blade into four shards. Each shard flies into the beast. Two shards pierce his shoulders, one digs into his heart, and the last enters his head through the right eye. The beast disintegrates into sparkling sunlight and I fall to my knees.

     The alchemists come over and place their hands on my shoulders. I hear the lieutenant crawling over. Brothers sitting in the aftermath of a battle. The stench of blood lingers in the air. Three brothers lay lifelessly on the ground. Tears drip from our eyes. We know it is our fault death welcomes them. Strength defines the result.

     “I wasn’t strong enough to save them. Lieutenant you can’t even stand up now. The horses ran off and I’m too weak to carry you to the nearest town. I’m your general but I can’t do more than when I was a nameless soldier. I should relinquish my position.” I lament on the truth of these events.

     “Kid, you are fit to be a general for saying that. General Niteblade thank you for saving our lives. And we are sorry that you must overcome that curse for us. If you turned we would’ve all died. But you overcame it. What is a few broken bones, gouges, and blood? Nothing compared to that curse. What matters is we are alive.” the Lieutenant adds from an adrenaline high.

     “Who can still stand?” I yell at the remaining soldiers who all yell back.

     “General let us alchemists lead them. The town must be burned down. If he was wandering that only means he ran out of livestock. Anything else?” the taller alchemist pats my back.

     “Bring the bodies here. I promise to lay them all to rest. They aren’t easily erased like our superiors think. One lonely regiment tucking a scary truth away from the public’s eyes. But we still have things we must do. Leave me here though. I have to finish that prayer for it.” I give the best orders I can with Pride’s essence merging into the mark.

In the encompassing light we walk

Through the straits of sin and talk.

Choices make the path. Undeterred,

We continue our journey. What we feared

Will soon burn away in the light.

Beings of stardust who think they’re right.

Our lies will burn away

Leaving nothing but ash.

Humanity is nothing divine

Nor will it ever be. Wine
Should be drank and bread shared.

Not taught or learned just shared.

There is darkness and light. Day and night,

The movement of celestial bodies around stars,

Give birth to the duality that leaves scars.

Rest in the light of dead stars and bask in daylight.
sa;bdry

The Hearth of Darkness

A star sent spiraling into nowhere.
The journey has been abandoned
And there won’t be any light forever.
I am sorry my friend. A rope I should sever
But never do. Your life stationed
At the end. I still look for you somewhere.

Among the stars your light faded and I grew jaded
Towards a world I never knew. I’ll forever be faded.

Young hearts pierced by a rusty blade
Then torn apart. You got this way of twisting
Your words into weapons and leaving me silent.
Oh, truthfully I resent you. But it was you I fought for
And who I’d die to protect. I didn’t know I’d bury you
Among the ruins of a life we failed to achieve.
Did I deceive you when I made forced your final breath?
It mirrored the ecstasy of your nighttime moans
Yet I cry for you because I didn’t want you to die in my arms.
Why do I say such hateful things at your grave?
Sins sealed your fate my dear and now I must go.

I raised my sword to fight the unseen threats.
As I trusted you you became the unseen;
Lust danced in your mind. A smart man retreats
From that situation. I had to be so mean
And slay you when the darkness consumed you.
My town sacrificed for carnal desires
Then I came back afraid of everything. The few
Unchanged told me about your hearth of dark fires.

Enter Fear

You were the woman I always knew, a lie for my heart,
And I entered your sin without fear. I’m unable to depart.

The darkness started ebbing from your body
Like some tainted spring. I drank deep. A curse
I willingly accepted. Flames of darkness danced
Around your undressed body and I reached through.

Enter Passion

Shadows in the light of dark flames
Merging. Midnight struck as our fingers
Tensed and mouths tasted of sweet wine.
Your words danced in my head like flower petals
Caught in a gentle breeze. We lost all sense
In the delicacy of flesh. Like two molten metals
We became an alloy, the same. Twine
Around your soft wrists where fire lingers.
Playing games against sanity’s frames.

The darkness claimed us both. Falling into your Hell
I knew it was my fault for leaving. But you are a shell
Of your former self. I made sure to kiss and never tell.

Enter Light

My eyes opened up. The corpses on the walls
All had mouths opened and eyes closed.
A sigil burnt upon my chest from our love
Eats away at the sanity to resist this beast.
You turned into a beast and left me here
All alone. I looked inside to see darkness everywhere,
Your eyes mirrored the night, the screams of the dead
Remain in this room, and you’re their Endarkened Queen.

“Oh, my love for you has no end so sweet dreams forever.
Find yourself reborn in the light and remain there forever.”

ENTER FEAR, ENTER PASSION, ENTER LIGHT

I made a grave marker after I burned everything down.
The sigil remains but my duty isn’t over. Wear the crown
Of my heart, my dear, and break the curse of your nightgown.

The weight of your death oddly gives me clarity.
I miss you and for that I continue on with sincerity.
sa;bdry

Of These Passing Stars; Part III

The words I write come to life in my mind. I witness the light of everything yet the dark remains. Without darkens we would never know what light is. But the magnificent stories I see within tell of overcoming the darkness in human hearts. Through wandering eyes is how a story of another world begins upon our own.


     Dew falls from the leaves of trees like teardrops as I race with my men towards another battlefield. Mud kicks up with every step our horses take covering the tree trunks and scaring away small animals. The sky clouds over to block the Sun. Our eyes keep focus on the billowing smoke in the distance.

My hands shake with fear and I readjust them for what feels like the hundredth time. The other men hold their heads downcast knowing death awaits some of us. A lieutenant studies the map of the land noticing that the land is different. Fear is a part of what we do for the Royal Protectorate.

The Royal Protectorate has many branches. Some branches are nobler than others but they make a single tree. Documents say the organization exists in opposition of tyranny. Us soldiers don’t think in as grand of notions as our superiors because we have one thing worth fighting for, our homes.

A few months ago a special unit was made to subdue alchemists in the nation of Dragacia. Alchemists are people born with a connection to something known as the Mists. The truth behind their origins is well hidden. I could care less about the alchemists because people are people and there are both good and bad people. Our superiors decided they are too dangerous and unpredictable.

Give humans more power and their true nature emerges. Their sinful nature will destroy everything we have made. We must control them, study them, and decide the best action. A speech given by the commander of the Royal Protectorate. Words and allegations condemned people from living their lives. My unit feels uncertain about the way this is being dealt with.

We can’t bear to talk about it. Our missions are more important than dividing the public. I have seen an alchemist go berserk only because of persecution and for that one event they’re judged. What of our cruel words that push them towards the ledge? But the Royal Protectorate swears the monsters are them. Only my unit knows where the real monsters exist.

Centuries ago when the human empire collapsed something was created. A weapon created to shatter the connection alchemists have to the Mists. The connection is in every human but that was a theory until the weapon detonated on their city. Technology that could magnify the energy in the connection, compress it, and release it. They created a bomb.

A third of the Earth was swallowed by the explosion. Mist radiation followed the air currents. The radiation wasn’t lethal but it changed the ecosystem rapidly. No records written from that event until three centuries ago meaning we lost a millennium.

People have tales explaining why. I don’t buy into any of them. My men and I fight abominations made from mist radiation. I think for a millennium humanity fought these things. Their numbers dwindle but they wander near towns like starving wolves. We took upon the task of eradicating them but we have no clue how many there are or if they can breed.

I close my eyes trying to think. Something huge knocks me off my horse. My eyes open and I stare at the clouds above wondering why I can never rest. I unsheathe my blade to stab the ground for balance. A beast made of shadows stands before me and in the shadows I could see faces drowning. One of men lays under a foot of the beast and the cracking of his bones echoes inside my head.

“Men we came here to wipe this creature from existence. If we don’t it’ll kill more than just us. See the souls captured in its shadows? Death is only the start of the pain it’ll inflict. The three alchemists need to stand behind me. I’ll give you time to cleanse the wound but if I survive tell me what these truly are.” I rally my soldiers the best I can.

“That’s a big if General Niteblade! But this won’t be easy like the last few. It is thriving off of dark emotions of the victims to create a shield. And we have no idea how to destroy that.” shouts one of the alchemists.

“Well fuck what am I supposed to do?” the lumbering beast darts at us but I raise my swords just in time to deflect the blow.

“Improvise!” screams everyone even the lieutenant.sa;bdry

Of These Passing Stars; Part II

I walked away towards a little tree. The shade reflected the color of my heart. A bottle of vodka rested against the tree and the shows danced upon the glass. I squinted at the gleam and realized I was finally alone. My hands opened the bottle as I stared out across the city and above to see the lonely skyline.

The alcohol washed down my throat with a familiar burn. I placed the bottle down and searched for my notebook. Every feeling I had felt like energy coursing through me. Calmness washed over me then I smiled from my heart after what has been so long. The heart divided from my body started to reconnect. Few friends witnessed the real me who emerges when I find peace in me.

What happened to the days when I never cared? The lessons I learned from life haven’t all been fair. A gentle and loving heart restricted by a roll of the dice. Was that what changed everything though? A heart without scars built walls against others one day. What created this kingdom within?

I was told to do what I was told. They watched me play along to their own tune but never witnessed my heart. Deep inside of me their words never reached. I discovered what meant a lot to me and that was enough for me, love and beauty. The skin-deep beauty wasn’t my desire because true beauty awaits within. Such as the words I wrote from then to now have contained the most beauty I’m capable of.

When I needed help I was too arrogant to ask. A heavy depression lingered within my head. Happiness was hard to find from anywhere. I screwed a lot of things up by self-medicating. My choices welcomed disaster. But I shattered through that depression by being one arrogant fool. I understood others faced worse but to me I needed to look deep inside because drugs couldn’t fix me.

Even now I still struggle with finding happiness in the things others enjoy. It makes me feel like an outcast. But today I have reasons to fight on through how I feel. Friends who I want to make laugh even by being completely ridiculous. A family I need to let know that I can live my own life and they don’t need to worry. My lover who I want to discover a better us with and never let her down even when I find myself afraid.

They’re the reason I write. Every beautiful thing in life they might never see I’ll open their eyes. I’m not the type to place coins on the eyes of the dead because I want to go on living. Rest silently brothers and sisters underground or forgotten because I’ll live in appreciation of everything.

So open up your eyes and witness the Universe all around you.
sa;bdry

The Miasmic Tearfall

 

At the miasmic tearfall I sit and watch as new tears join the river. A million moments of sorrow and misery merging, the death of everyone resounding in the water’s roar, and my memories making the air heavy with regret. My eyes look down to see the thing I’m holding ever so close. I grip the tsuka (handle) of a katana created from my own strife. What if I put this blade in my liver?

Does the world even change? Or do I learn the truth? This place isn’t a part of the world I remember. Emotions crossing over a membrane that spans for eternity. A choice to cross the divide isn’t one that anyone has. Existing means coming to grip with the finite nature of existence. These events I recall have left their marks both good and bad. Some of the bad things have been dissected, repressed, changed, and forgotten. Is it possible to remember those things? I gently lick my upper lip in respect of the bittersweet lies I forced myself to believe.

The saya (scabbard) of the katana is a lie as well. A safety to a weapon that isn’t safe. Why do we need to create so many walls between right and wrong? Are we that afraid of the monsters inside of us? I wish I could let my own monster out. I don’t think he wants to kill others. He simply seeks freedom. The monster in me is this katana in my hands. Do I dare take off the mask that still condemns it to darkness? What if the light fills it with rabid anger towards everything that it could never have before? Can I give it reason to care more about tomorrow than yesterday?

I don’t know if I’m strong enough. The katana trembles with immense power. My mind finds itself caught in the hamon. The grooves within the blade tell a story of a man lost inside of his foolish pride. I dropped the blade carrying my heaviest doubts and walked to the ledge. Every fiber of my being reforged in the heat of battle, a battle that will never end.

This miasmic tearfall irradiated by the will power within. The dark fog coming off the tears suffocates me but I keep looking into the tearfall. Wondering if my words could ever break through the membrane between you and me. Like cells in an organism we are aware of each other but divided for good reason until the moment we need each other. Soil on the ledge crumbles apart and falls into the endless pitfall.

“It is myself who must find reason to enter the sorrow of others. If I find them will I be able to pull them back? But maybe that is how true friends are found. When they sacrifice everything for someone they just met could be that foundation. And I will enter the miasmic tearfall to save you my love.”

I leap into the pitfall. Thoughts transcend existence until the moment a choice is made. My choice is to give everything I have for those I love.

A Sword Raised to Protect

Resting on these laurels
As if they change something.
I enter from a flourishing Spring
Into a drought. Failing morals.

Sinful recant in the shade under a blistering star
That has been there long before any man. A scar
In the sky during this drought. Distance to walk is far
Between the shadows of trees. There will be a war
And I’ll be the only casualty today, this I swear.
When all I try to do is earn respect even by a hair,
Such a small amount, but I lack so much. A thick tar
Pours over me but to others I am the same from afar.

Chasing what comes undone
Because I still hear that tone.

Do you think I’ll never move from here?
How can it be that clear? My own heartstrings
Plucked until they were out of tune. I raise my voice
And they let me suffer for it. All I want is someone
Who has faith in me. Is that really it? In part maybe.
I want to prove to myself that I’m not in the wrong.
Do they prey on my weakness? Family and friends.
How can I trust when nothing goes right? From my sight
I go blind. The uncertainty deceives my heart and mind.
Lonely. A raised voice passes through the walls
Surrounding my true self. They never even notice that.
Saying how I feel would be like placing a powder keg
Within a burning chapel. No trust, bottled up feelings,
Judgment passes over, self loathing ensues; I slip away.
This event goes on repeat forcing me to feel defeat
Even when I return day after day. Is this my own insanity?

So many questions I’ll never be able to answer
And I know that. The truth has turned into a blur.

A final choice remains. What to do with this life of mine?
Can’t expect respect if I do nothing. I must do what I want
And prove who I am to myself. I’ll rise up to fight like a gallant
Knight who raises his sword to protect. In the end I’m just fine.
sa;bdry

The Ocean of Sin

I sat at a familiar round table
With my head in my hands. A fable
Repeated in my head as other patrons
Said hello to no reply. Gas stations,
Work, politics; please say nothing at all.
I’m running through life chasing my fall.

Am I just living in a dream?

The thoughts of others bury me underground
But I still hear them. Abandon all hope
Or learn differently? I want to hear no sound
For a little while. It’s really hard to cope.

Why did I come here?
Walking into the depths of fear.

Everywhere I run the fear appears
And I run away. The turning gears
Stretching me so thin. Years
Spent stuck in clockwork. My tears. . .

A dried up well in the desert.
I came here after the mirages
All faded away. Visages
Drift and in their eyes is hurt.

Too real and too tainted; dehydration
Of our hearts raised in dream desiccation.

I slam my hands down and get away.
Every second I spend lost
Gets erased from existence.
A reality more like a maelstrom
Slamming me forward through time.
Nowhere to go but down below
Onto the ocean floor. I breathe.
The pain tells me I’m alive.

Lungs collapsing, blood flowing;
I’m trying to enter the ring
For another fight. I saw no way
Else to defend what I truly love.
Every statue made out of clay
Couldn’t compare to her skin
Against my own. Did I fall for sin?

What else could I do? I’m too weak
To stand alone in this world. So I seek
the comfort in others. Of sin though, I reek.

drowning_by_pretty_angel-d10gc2m
“Sinking deeper into this life I barely know. . .”

pretty-angel.deviantart.com

 

 

The Fire We Tend, Love

Softly my hand leads the way
Through the night. Whatever I say
Is enchanted by the moonlight. To pay
The price of stealing your breath away
Is to remain here and watch life decay.
And so I ask you to teach me a new way.

Walking between bullets and hearts.
Teach me to dance in the brightest darkness
And how your smile is the light of Heaven.
I’m unworthy but I’ll prevail just
To chase your light for eternity.

Every single day we make our kingdoms.
I’m so uncertain, the true fear,
But I continue despite my feelings.
And at night I stare at ceilings
To wonder why I’m here.
Do you feel the same despite the idioms?

Sometimes I wonder if I was a better man
If this life would be the same. The mistakes
Are mine and I am in debt to them to the end.

Rest your heart right here. I’ll be here
As long as I can to chase away your fear.

Stars shine when you don’t even see them.
Why can’t we dream like that? This life
Given to us awaits for a single spark
And soon the flames will dance so high.
Remember this one little thing forever and ever:

A flame can spread. . .
heart-on-fire

Clairvoyant, Perpendicular Lines Inside Our Eyes

An ephemeral wind passes right on through many
And yet everything remains the same. Closed off.
Is that what we have become in time’s erosion?
It seems so long ago when smiles challenged the Sun
But we are the same people. Caught up in semantics
We defy the lessons upon the parchment above, the sky.

Caught in this cycle most avaricious. Building castles
In the sand with dying wishes for graves covered by thistles.
Why do we fight for dreams lost in high tide? Missiles
Held as threats to these cities of glass where nobody whistles.

When humans actually begin to feel and not assume
Could it be possible for our lives to finally resume?

If I look in your eyes what remains? The glow of stars
Or the ashes of pyres circling inside like a hurricane.
Did the atmosphere burn away your heart? The scars
On your skin show of years spent standing in the rain.
What if we saw the pain instead of fighting small wars?

Our sights are so perpendicular that a crash is inevitable
When the arrow of time flies right on by. There isn’t order
In what remains as we abandon our way to say hello. Tell me,
Are we supposed to say goodbye or can we change on the inside?
54aa7a83afd0515f6dab3a3bc97121b8

The Shards of a Glorious Crown

Everything comes apart. Everyone has been here
And surviving the fallout might seem impossible
But there’s much to lose. When all the cheer
Dies like a flower in the frosts of an early Fall.

Dejected dreams circulate through. Regrets and shame
Enter like a virus clawing at the core of life. An influenza
Without any cure shakes the reality sown with careful hands.
Death lingers above or in hindsight.
Life remains close yet so far away.
The throne of hearts sits empty before a forgotten court.
Summer feels cold in these halls. Confused? Certainly,
The world frayed at both ends has nowhere for me to run.

Silence calls me in. Is it a coffin or a sanctuary? Aren’t they the same?
Isolating from a cruel world out of fear. A contagious disease
Ravages the good and evil alike. Sin. My heart rejects
And the truth is I want out from these public gallows.

Don’t you see the light dimming?
I watch in horror. Why do we hate
What we are, monsters? Beasts
Of flesh and mind devouring everything.
The reversal of existence.
Coldness seeped in through the wind.

Never asked to become this. A watcher,
He sees the good and bad in life
But helpless to change anything at all.
Should we be fine with the suffering of others
And step on their corpses in this sick war?
It was never fair. Too bad.
Existing gave the chance to accept or reject.
Well it might sound wrong to resist
The paradigm set in place. A system
We’re born into like slaves of our own greed.
Free choice. We have it but my soul denies it
Like a starving man with food in reach.
Can we walk away from humanity?
Is that what resides inside your heart?

Let the crown fall from this fallible heart
Shattering as it hits the marble floor.
Is this the end or a new start?
From the life on the boat to the stranded shore.

Make do with the world and live on
When tomorrow begins. The Sun
Warms up the surface awakening eyes
Closed from exhaustion of countless days.

Of all the reasons to giving
Up I find the embers still glowing.