Embedded Chains, Thorns of Remembrance

Can I just see the truth? A question haunting
Me like a specter. Oh, the banshees will sing
The refrain of my hallowed breathing. They
remember what I don’t and it is in what I say.

But the specter still drifts endlessly. A heartfelt melody
Unheard. If it can then just let it fade away, my remedy.

Screams echo through this rundown chapel
Carrying the force of emotions. Devotion
Was common here until the day the bell rang no more.
It was on the day of a wedding. The lovers who swore
Their lives together but it felt like treason.
A beautiful flower until you reach the last petal.

What came on that day? The truth entombed.
Eyeless groomsmen and handless bridesmaids;
We danced to the times for we were damned.

Ill touched wineglasses resting in sight.
Magically entranced by shining moonlight
We took but a sip of Death’s love on that night.
One by one we join the curtain call as our last right.

Who am I? A shifting illusion in the Sun’s rays,
An unsung bell on a thin rope, that never strays.

a_lost_soul_trapped_by_nichofsky-d5yjx6g
Source

 

 

 

Of These Passing Stars; Part IV

     A howl breaking through the membranes that divide mind and heart leaves a fissure within. Every thought of self seems even less real. They vanish into the fissure. No way to be led back to the correct path if there ever was one to begin with. And the truth stands perpetually like a pagan monument built on hallowed ground.

     I realize the thoughts in my head don’t justify a thing. The truth will be even if every soul is deleted. Who am I to question it? All I can do is try my best at living. The howl returns me from the open space inside. My mind must calculate and my heart must will. If they do anything else I will lose this battle.

     The beast dashes at me once more with gnashing fangs. I cross my blades right before the impact connects. A shock wave of force runs through the blades and into my bones. I grunt from the pain then realize the beast just standing in front of me.

     “Why does it have armor?” I say the most obscure thought in my head making the entire regiment laugh.

     I remove my plate armor and taunt the beast. It charges at me but I jump over the attempt. The alchemists’ summon a magical barrier before it went any further. A staggering opponent unaware of me above aiming my blades for his eyes. It howls once more causing the barrier to crack.

     The sergeant stands in front of the alchemists as a secondary barrier if the first falls. This is always harder with others. After I lost the only two families I ever had I’m cold to his selfless gesture. Novice alchemists can’t withstand the shear strength of the demons I fight. Well gravity will be the determining factor here. The beast lashes out with its arms shattering the barrier. Crystallized shards of mist fire off in every direction.

     I slam the blades into the beast’s neck and push it backwards. Dark mist spews from the wounds. My chest starts burning when the dark mist engulfs the whole field. I tear my shirt off and feel the mark left there years ago from a lover. Memories about her I chose to forget return because the darkness feeds an inner fire I wish to put out.

     “Poor old Niteblade abandoned by everyone he cares about. Unable to see what was in front of you you accepted one of us. Was it the face of your lover that made you blind? Did you not see the corpses, smell the decay, watch friends kill each other with their ravenous lust, and see your lover leading that dark covenant?” a sinister voice emerges.

     “I saw everything. She lost her way and so did others. But that woman wasn’t my lover. She was one of you, the Endarkened.”

     “Is that what you call us? We are the Illuminated. Life hurts some people really badly. The Mists have been altered and now the strong emotions people catalyzes an extreme reaction. Complete soul removal. The human must be a willing party for us to be created. But there is another way if an emotional bond ties a human to an Illuminated. You gave into the desires of flesh and desecrated yourself.”

     “Yeah. I’m a human we make mistakes sometimes small and sometimes big. We will screw up but we can learn. Can your kind learn anything more than your patron sin? Pride.”

     “You could tell? I can’t say if we know our potential when we are hunted like beasts. Ask your superiors who imprisoned the Seven Kings and altered the Mists. But what do you care? All you know is orders like we know sin. We both don’t understand why we exist.”

     “I don’t feel for you. The fact I can relate makes me want to kill you more. I’ll check into your lead though and lay to rest every corpse you tainted in your wake.”

     “Thank you. I don’t like living if it means I erase everything around me. But I can’t surrender without a fight. My patron sin says more terrible things and you’ll never hear it. Why? Your friend who stood in the way of those alchemists. He’ll never be able to return to battle even if he lives. Such a selfless act refutes my existence.”

     “Your execution comes from the Spear made from the light of hope. Searing through the damnation until only humanity remains. The word of God is lost yet morality never dies. It is in all of us to stand upright no matter how much we fall. Without holy text we can still see the way. Defiled hearts must be cleansed by the surging waters of hope and change.”

     “Beautifully resolute. You have admirable qualities but lack many things. I won’t pretend that I can persuade you to sin. Death is the answer then I’ll snatch your soul. Lowly beings such as yourself make lovely pawns.” Pride snickers at my belief and humanity.

     I reach for my blade while listening to the wind for Pride’s movements. The darkness parts, I shove my blade into the opening, and see red blood spew out. I stumble back fearing my action. A laugh trails from multiple places in the darkness. Blood on me dissipates into the darkness. Thoughts pile up in my head making it even harder to see the difference between illusions and reality.

     I feel with my left foot. My boot hits the hilt of my other sword. I kick up the blade and grab it. Something feels weird. The weight is off. It transforms into a spike and pushes into my palm. My mark reacts violently. Blood turns black and crystallizes into a blade. I feel my mind slipping underneath the taint.

     The blade absorbs the darkness. Pride stares at me with a smug gaze. He rushes me biting and clawing like a wild beast. My flesh begins to crack and memories begin shattering. I struggle to find any light within me. Everything goes black but I can still hear my thoughts.

     Stop the darkness, I must. EMBRACE IT!!! No, I can’t. My life h as to remain. I’ve seen too much. REST FOR A WHILE. . .no. If I let you win I’ll never be safe inside. Isn’t that overrated? Very much so. Then why? I must make right the past. You can’t. I know that. Why then? To protect my new friends.

     Light pours from the cracks. I stand up in a beam of sunlight. The blade that is my right hand dissolves the darkness within. Sunshine fills the crystalline blade. Pride backs away with fear then starts laughing. I dash at him but his claws deflect my attack.

     “Did you really think light could. . .” Pride’s claw fades away into the sunlight.

     I push him back to the edge of the forest clearing. A giant oak stands between him and escape. I say a prayer under my breath and shatter the crystalline blade into four shards. Each shard flies into the beast. Two shards pierce his shoulders, one digs into his heart, and the last enters his head through the right eye. The beast disintegrates into sparkling sunlight and I fall to my knees.

     The alchemists come over and place their hands on my shoulders. I hear the lieutenant crawling over. Brothers sitting in the aftermath of a battle. The stench of blood lingers in the air. Three brothers lay lifelessly on the ground. Tears drip from our eyes. We know it is our fault death welcomes them. Strength defines the result.

     “I wasn’t strong enough to save them. Lieutenant you can’t even stand up now. The horses ran off and I’m too weak to carry you to the nearest town. I’m your general but I can’t do more than when I was a nameless soldier. I should relinquish my position.” I lament on the truth of these events.

     “Kid, you are fit to be a general for saying that. General Niteblade thank you for saving our lives. And we are sorry that you must overcome that curse for us. If you turned we would’ve all died. But you overcame it. What is a few broken bones, gouges, and blood? Nothing compared to that curse. What matters is we are alive.” the Lieutenant adds from an adrenaline high.

     “Who can still stand?” I yell at the remaining soldiers who all yell back.

     “General let us alchemists lead them. The town must be burned down. If he was wandering that only means he ran out of livestock. Anything else?” the taller alchemist pats my back.

     “Bring the bodies here. I promise to lay them all to rest. They aren’t easily erased like our superiors think. One lonely regiment tucking a scary truth away from the public’s eyes. But we still have things we must do. Leave me here though. I have to finish that prayer for it.” I give the best orders I can with Pride’s essence merging into the mark.

In the encompassing light we walk

Through the straits of sin and talk.

Choices make the path. Undeterred,

We continue our journey. What we feared

Will soon burn away in the light.

Beings of stardust who think they’re right.

Our lies will burn away

Leaving nothing but ash.

Humanity is nothing divine

Nor will it ever be. Wine
Should be drank and bread shared.

Not taught or learned just shared.

There is darkness and light. Day and night,

The movement of celestial bodies around stars,

Give birth to the duality that leaves scars.

Rest in the light of dead stars and bask in daylight.
sa;bdry

Of These Passing Stars; Part II

I walked away towards a little tree. The shade reflected the color of my heart. A bottle of vodka rested against the tree and the shows danced upon the glass. I squinted at the gleam and realized I was finally alone. My hands opened the bottle as I stared out across the city and above to see the lonely skyline.

The alcohol washed down my throat with a familiar burn. I placed the bottle down and searched for my notebook. Every feeling I had felt like energy coursing through me. Calmness washed over me then I smiled from my heart after what has been so long. The heart divided from my body started to reconnect. Few friends witnessed the real me who emerges when I find peace in me.

What happened to the days when I never cared? The lessons I learned from life haven’t all been fair. A gentle and loving heart restricted by a roll of the dice. Was that what changed everything though? A heart without scars built walls against others one day. What created this kingdom within?

I was told to do what I was told. They watched me play along to their own tune but never witnessed my heart. Deep inside of me their words never reached. I discovered what meant a lot to me and that was enough for me, love and beauty. The skin-deep beauty wasn’t my desire because true beauty awaits within. Such as the words I wrote from then to now have contained the most beauty I’m capable of.

When I needed help I was too arrogant to ask. A heavy depression lingered within my head. Happiness was hard to find from anywhere. I screwed a lot of things up by self-medicating. My choices welcomed disaster. But I shattered through that depression by being one arrogant fool. I understood others faced worse but to me I needed to look deep inside because drugs couldn’t fix me.

Even now I still struggle with finding happiness in the things others enjoy. It makes me feel like an outcast. But today I have reasons to fight on through how I feel. Friends who I want to make laugh even by being completely ridiculous. A family I need to let know that I can live my own life and they don’t need to worry. My lover who I want to discover a better us with and never let her down even when I find myself afraid.

They’re the reason I write. Every beautiful thing in life they might never see I’ll open their eyes. I’m not the type to place coins on the eyes of the dead because I want to go on living. Rest silently brothers and sisters underground or forgotten because I’ll live in appreciation of everything.

So open up your eyes and witness the Universe all around you.
sa;bdry

Of These Passing Stars; Part I

 

     I sat on the grass and watched cars race on by. One by one they abandoned me without a single glance. The forgotten world surrounded me. It wasn’t a jungle where I’d be lost but a lawn in the middle of a city.

     “In a jungle I could fade away like I was never there. Here is a prison made out of good intentions, Hell. Nothing monotheistic or polytheistic just what it is. No words or actions could ever break the bars made from what we thought was best. But I am the one who is wrong for sitting here doing nothing. A devil that never tortures himself or others because he believes in more.” I amused the thought under my breath ever so cynically.

     The world reached towards a light. Gravity dragging it towards the fiery ball of gas that gave life. The Groves of Heaven revolving around the Gate of Hell. Aren’t they similar in ways undefined? Lines plotted on a graph are still lines and they’ll intersect eventually. If only they were parallel instead.

     Every other human listened to what they were told and so they are destined to drive away. My heart dropped through my chest because I long to forget what I’ve grown to know and join them. We were cut from different cloth. Why do I know if we were angels I’d be one of the fallen? They went to perform holy duties while I remained here like a stone. Forgotten.

     I decided to dedicate my life towards my writing. The beauty others passed by I must see. Life’s choices dictated the routes we would take leading us through days, weeks, months, years. Judgment passed between the lips of angels eternally damning each other. Why do these good intentions mark us as traitors?

     Choices, the true difference that divided us from fables. Raised in an advancing technological era all we have are choices. These choices turned into an endless ocean. The choice handed to us is an oar to help us navigate the journey. We created an odyssey that would leave Homer speechless.

     The journey I departed has left me with many enemies. Gods, monsters, men, nymphs, and myself deceived me. Humans I extrapolated into something extravagant. A story required characters I have seen and known. I captured their souls in my mind as if they were demons and my mind was Pandora’s Box.

     Created poems and stories from what lays before me. The inspiration dripped from existence like water from an icicle. Alternate states of matter displayed before watching eyes. I devoted my life to the miracle of life instead of wealth and society. Most people scrutinized my life without understanding that I am different.

     My life never hinged on them but every day I watched them live their lives. Sometimes we walked into a ring where we fight but I understood why all along. The choices we made defined the lines and now we finally intersected.

Life will never wait for us.
sa;bdry

The Miasmic Tearfall

 

At the miasmic tearfall I sit and watch as new tears join the river. A million moments of sorrow and misery merging, the death of everyone resounding in the water’s roar, and my memories making the air heavy with regret. My eyes look down to see the thing I’m holding ever so close. I grip the tsuka (handle) of a katana created from my own strife. What if I put this blade in my liver?

Does the world even change? Or do I learn the truth? This place isn’t a part of the world I remember. Emotions crossing over a membrane that spans for eternity. A choice to cross the divide isn’t one that anyone has. Existing means coming to grip with the finite nature of existence. These events I recall have left their marks both good and bad. Some of the bad things have been dissected, repressed, changed, and forgotten. Is it possible to remember those things? I gently lick my upper lip in respect of the bittersweet lies I forced myself to believe.

The saya (scabbard) of the katana is a lie as well. A safety to a weapon that isn’t safe. Why do we need to create so many walls between right and wrong? Are we that afraid of the monsters inside of us? I wish I could let my own monster out. I don’t think he wants to kill others. He simply seeks freedom. The monster in me is this katana in my hands. Do I dare take off the mask that still condemns it to darkness? What if the light fills it with rabid anger towards everything that it could never have before? Can I give it reason to care more about tomorrow than yesterday?

I don’t know if I’m strong enough. The katana trembles with immense power. My mind finds itself caught in the hamon. The grooves within the blade tell a story of a man lost inside of his foolish pride. I dropped the blade carrying my heaviest doubts and walked to the ledge. Every fiber of my being reforged in the heat of battle, a battle that will never end.

This miasmic tearfall irradiated by the will power within. The dark fog coming off the tears suffocates me but I keep looking into the tearfall. Wondering if my words could ever break through the membrane between you and me. Like cells in an organism we are aware of each other but divided for good reason until the moment we need each other. Soil on the ledge crumbles apart and falls into the endless pitfall.

“It is myself who must find reason to enter the sorrow of others. If I find them will I be able to pull them back? But maybe that is how true friends are found. When they sacrifice everything for someone they just met could be that foundation. And I will enter the miasmic tearfall to save you my love.”

I leap into the pitfall. Thoughts transcend existence until the moment a choice is made. My choice is to give everything I have for those I love.

A Sword Raised to Protect

Resting on these laurels
As if they change something.
I enter from a flourishing Spring
Into a drought. Failing morals.

Sinful recant in the shade under a blistering star
That has been there long before any man. A scar
In the sky during this drought. Distance to walk is far
Between the shadows of trees. There will be a war
And I’ll be the only casualty today, this I swear.
When all I try to do is earn respect even by a hair,
Such a small amount, but I lack so much. A thick tar
Pours over me but to others I am the same from afar.

Chasing what comes undone
Because I still hear that tone.

Do you think I’ll never move from here?
How can it be that clear? My own heartstrings
Plucked until they were out of tune. I raise my voice
And they let me suffer for it. All I want is someone
Who has faith in me. Is that really it? In part maybe.
I want to prove to myself that I’m not in the wrong.
Do they prey on my weakness? Family and friends.
How can I trust when nothing goes right? From my sight
I go blind. The uncertainty deceives my heart and mind.
Lonely. A raised voice passes through the walls
Surrounding my true self. They never even notice that.
Saying how I feel would be like placing a powder keg
Within a burning chapel. No trust, bottled up feelings,
Judgment passes over, self loathing ensues; I slip away.
This event goes on repeat forcing me to feel defeat
Even when I return day after day. Is this my own insanity?

So many questions I’ll never be able to answer
And I know that. The truth has turned into a blur.

A final choice remains. What to do with this life of mine?
Can’t expect respect if I do nothing. I must do what I want
And prove who I am to myself. I’ll rise up to fight like a gallant
Knight who raises his sword to protect. In the end I’m just fine.
sa;bdry

I’m Fallen Not Broken

What is right and what is wrong?
I thought I could find it on a long
Journey through life. Am I strong
Enough to finally recite a song?

The song of who I am. Caught
Up in the words of yesterday
But I try going forward. Do others
See me falling back or rising up?
There is so much more. If only
They’d open their eyes and see me.

Screaming to lift this lonely rope
From my neck. I am here. They say
That respect is something you pay
A price for. I’m just trying to cope.

The real me wants some rest
But everyday I’m put to a test.

What if I surrender? What if I snap?
My heart beats so I face what I know,
But is that all there is? I’m so numb!

I want to dream again. All the pain
In this world I hate. If I were to say no
What would they even do? The rain
Falls if I win or lose. Say get ready, go;
I’ll be waiting here for a derailed train.

Every time I reached for a hand I fell
From an emotional cliff. I never drowned
So I return trying to right the past. Crowned
By my regrets, thorns, I can already tell
I’m never going back into the cold ocean.
They say I’m distant but that is my devotion
To all of the true hearts we can never sell.

I cared so much but they let me fall below.
So I vow for life that I’ll never be that shallow.
sa;bdry

The Ocean of Sin

I sat at a familiar round table
With my head in my hands. A fable
Repeated in my head as other patrons
Said hello to no reply. Gas stations,
Work, politics; please say nothing at all.
I’m running through life chasing my fall.

Am I just living in a dream?

The thoughts of others bury me underground
But I still hear them. Abandon all hope
Or learn differently? I want to hear no sound
For a little while. It’s really hard to cope.

Why did I come here?
Walking into the depths of fear.

Everywhere I run the fear appears
And I run away. The turning gears
Stretching me so thin. Years
Spent stuck in clockwork. My tears. . .

A dried up well in the desert.
I came here after the mirages
All faded away. Visages
Drift and in their eyes is hurt.

Too real and too tainted; dehydration
Of our hearts raised in dream desiccation.

I slam my hands down and get away.
Every second I spend lost
Gets erased from existence.
A reality more like a maelstrom
Slamming me forward through time.
Nowhere to go but down below
Onto the ocean floor. I breathe.
The pain tells me I’m alive.

Lungs collapsing, blood flowing;
I’m trying to enter the ring
For another fight. I saw no way
Else to defend what I truly love.
Every statue made out of clay
Couldn’t compare to her skin
Against my own. Did I fall for sin?

What else could I do? I’m too weak
To stand alone in this world. So I seek
the comfort in others. Of sin though, I reek.

drowning_by_pretty_angel-d10gc2m
“Sinking deeper into this life I barely know. . .”

pretty-angel.deviantart.com

 

 

The Fire We Tend, Love

Softly my hand leads the way
Through the night. Whatever I say
Is enchanted by the moonlight. To pay
The price of stealing your breath away
Is to remain here and watch life decay.
And so I ask you to teach me a new way.

Walking between bullets and hearts.
Teach me to dance in the brightest darkness
And how your smile is the light of Heaven.
I’m unworthy but I’ll prevail just
To chase your light for eternity.

Every single day we make our kingdoms.
I’m so uncertain, the true fear,
But I continue despite my feelings.
And at night I stare at ceilings
To wonder why I’m here.
Do you feel the same despite the idioms?

Sometimes I wonder if I was a better man
If this life would be the same. The mistakes
Are mine and I am in debt to them to the end.

Rest your heart right here. I’ll be here
As long as I can to chase away your fear.

Stars shine when you don’t even see them.
Why can’t we dream like that? This life
Given to us awaits for a single spark
And soon the flames will dance so high.
Remember this one little thing forever and ever:

A flame can spread. . .
heart-on-fire

The Atrocity of Life

Every wish gave to the stars up above
Went into orbit. Satellites using gravity
To stay afloat beyond the clouds. Shove
Our ideals away and alter this disparity,

What is the possibility to rise up from the dirt?
Eyes open, heart beating, and still breathing
In the air. Every choice merging together
Into an abomination, the Atrocity of Life.
All the dice rolls cultivating a glorious seed
Meant to be planted firmly within the dirt.

Here I have been as the gardener of this lost land.
Listening, helping, caring; reaching out my hand.

A wish sent up above returned to my feet
From the force of gravity. Falling like a meteor
I awaited for it right here expecting no detour.
When will it be that we will finally meet?

The wish will never return but I remain
Here upon the Earth like a filthy stain.
Searching for what my heart can gain.

The Atrocity of Life is me. Touching the world
In my own sense of beauty. Every crystalline mirror
Shattered around me in the maze of heart and mind.
All the words you say pierce right through my flesh
When I am being honest. I wished for us to find
Common ground but the truth couldn’t be unwritten
From the scripture we drew upon as little kids.
From that day we knew there could be no returning.

I keep caring for a plot without a seed
Believing a tree might someday sprout.
Idealistically we betrayed what we wrought
Like saints who are sinners in need.

Lay to rest the darkness we hold onto for safety.
When we walk apart there will never be a remedy.
sa;bdry