Tag: Life

Hands, A Path Towards Clarity

by Desnei, posted in Poetry, Song

The colors of a gradient shift as they bleed from my heart.
Emotions silenced by the demons of who I couldn’t be.
They’ve returned stronger than ever before. To start
Anew I must dissolve all these colors that were never me.

By some chance the man you see won a game of survival,
No it was a race to ever be. We all got here by a little luck.
Watch the stars shine and follow your heart; don’t get stuck
Believing what others say. You’ll find a way, your reprisal.

I listened and fell down as the world kicked me in the stomach.
“I’m perfectly okay. It’s alright.” That’s the cry of a lost man!

Pushed myself further because I wanted to rise.
Bleeding my heart’s fill trying just to remember
That I’m stronger than this. On a cold December
Night I decided that giving up would be unwise.

Caught by the undertow of something larger than my existence
All I can do is swim back up. Every breath reminds us that hands
Are meant to be held not to hold grudges. We will never forget!

Never forget the human kindness that heals every wound made.
Fallen but not lost for I see the way. I can’t let myself just fade. . .

sa;bdry
Humanity must rise together. . .

Ignorance, A Curse of Stone

by Desnei, posted in Poetry, Song

All these sundry lives lead the way back
To a land forgotten from current sight,
A home for each and every tear and smile lost
Along the way towards both growth and undoing.

The path remains shrouded in fog
As everyone finds a way to continue.
Nobody knows what awaits just ahead
But here we enter, here we shall tread.
Restless in our wake trying to redo
What we’ve messed up in life’s log.

Petrified by regrets eating away at the mind.
I rise up from that state of stasis to rewind.

But time never gives to force. The lost feelings
Make me feel so hollow inside. Fill me up,
A warmness I can’t replicate alone. Booze
Only masks the truth, I couldn’t lie to myself,
And now I wonder; where are you? Yes, I failed
Yet watch me get up and try. . .try to change.

Petrified by regrets eating away at the mind.
I rise up from that state of stasis to move on.

This sundry life of mine has never been okay
And that’s no excuse for running away in fear.
I knew that just I ran because I knew you’d stay
By my side. Love that will end in tragedy, dear.

Call me whatever, I accepted my curse and ran
Until your words could no longer haunt my sleep.
I need love but my fate will cause pain to anyone near.
I’m sorry I couldn’t say that then. I suffered every tear
Knowing it was better to be alone. We both weep
The end of a true love. If only I was a better man.

Time changes a lot. Eight years since that goodbye
And I can’t run from my heart anymore. I’ll die
Someday but today ain’t that day. Love wasn’t a lie.

I now see that life won’t always be clear or easy. We sometimes try helping
Others to end up hurting them due to a lack of compassion and understanding.

sa;bdry
We must seek understanding not excuses, incitements, or selfishness.

Carrying A Small Candle In Somber

by Desnei, posted in Activist, Rise of the First Blight, Who I Am

My moniker Desnei serves as an antithesis to disparity. I decided that I’d never accept myself standing apart from others and will cross the line when possible. I’m no traitor but a visionary who seeks the unity of all men. We all have a responsibility to our fellow men to stand together through tumultuous times. Such a movement crosses every boundary imagined, it’s something known as compassion.

Often I’ve forgotten what I keep struggling for. Where others see conflict I see an unfortunate consequence of despair. People have never been pawns in a game because they have real feelings. To teach others a different way has been a calling reverberating throughout my body. I know humanity will always hold a candle of hope as long as generous people try. The light will never die if I touch another heart with my simple compassion.

And this is why I write; to let the compassion spread like a wildfire across the Earth, stop the potential hatred that could fuel the sorrow conjuring a million tears, and to help those in need. It’s true I do write fantasy that can sometimes be dark but compassion remains fundamental. The dark stuff exists because compassion was lost leading a few astray. In reality some people face times where life can seem very dark and unforgiving but they can be saved from it. Just reach a hand out for every one who feels lost.

I imagined up a universe where the virtues of humanity are amplified. Emotions are the main foundation creating reality for my characters and they must face them. Slowly the characters realize their universe started from the sorrow a man faced and never could overcome. They must stand against his fallible nature to teach him what he never learned about life. Life might not be perfect but it’s beautiful.

One character finds himself working for assassins after a wealthy mayor steals the his family’s livelihood. He faces many tribulations on the road of his life after giving into his bitter feelings. The mayor knows he wronged many people but finds himself unable to stop because the wealth makes him feel important. When they meet again only one will be alive afterwards. This isn’t directly a story of compassion. This event of indifference marks when possessions possess a man. Why does that happen? The mayor never deeply understood human compassion when he was a child creating a void in his behavioral growth. He inevitably chased his greed to his own grave. Now a young man must face his inner turmoil while moving from a terrible past to an uncertain future.

Without looking too deep into the specifics their stories are easy to relate with. A good family facing rough times can often lead some members into making bad choices. Lack of love will lead some toward any unsavory sense of belonging through such as greed, lust, wrath, and so on. Sins can very accurately describe a person’s disposition when they have lost all sense of control. I believe the best way to counter that chaotic impulse is to show that there’s more than what has been seen. If only everyone could feel like they belong but in a world of nearly eight billion people some can feel isolated. Don’t let them if you can.

I understand this is a very lofty aim but I can believe in it. If the compassionate side of humanity shines brighter loneliness will be eradicated. Through kindness a dark fantasy universe can be saved. So why not this single planet? I truly think humans can do just that.

sa;bdry

A Wretched Tale: The Darkest Night

by Desnei, posted in Fantasy, Fiction, Rise of the First Blight

I grabbed the dual berettas and walked towards the beasts. They clawed at my face as I kicked them back. I crushed one of their necks with my foot. The dark blood oozed out from its mouth. More of those beasts raced towards me.

They pushed me down and gnashed at my flesh. The darkness in their making seeped into my veins. Memories from the souls obliterated by them clouded my thoughts. I screamed because I once knew those faces as friends.

My blood sloshed onto marble floor. The beasts carved to the bones in my limbs. They ignored the meat and reveled in my suffering. Oddly my thoughts weren’t on saving my life but the absurdities in this life.

Fear chained me from ever taking action. I never trusted anyone because they could hurt me. They weren’t these demons but they scared me to the core. What if I failed them? They’d abandon me without a second thought. All those frightened souls looking for a reason to stay.

We walked away from each other. When the demons arrived we ran from our friends in need. The concept of survival destroyed everything we created together with a single strike. I stubbornly accepted that as the only way but they needed me. What good is living if you’re alone?

I never meant for the love we shared to someday die. This tragedy stoked the dying fire left in our memories. I grabbed one of the demons and tossed it against a wall. My arms trembled from the pain but I used the berettas tearing a way through the pack.

They watched me and slowly advanced. Their warfare tactics pushed me into a corner where I propped me body up. I unloaded on their front line, propelled myself through the formation, chomped on one of their necks and drank the demon’s blood, and suddenly my vision went black. . .

My body banished my mind from control. I joked around with my thoughts during the whole entire time. I shunned myself for drinking tainted blood but knew I would’ve died if I didn’t. The selfish nature I succumbed to will bring its tolls until I’m dead from the weight I carry.

I forced my eyes open to see the horror. Dark blood healed my wounds, my hands grew claws, and I spoke in their tongue. The demons laid decapitated around me and their blood formed a design, a circle split into fourths. Unable to move myself I loosened my grip on my humanity.

Who are you? I am you. The blood holds the memories of others and the demon. When you drank it you accepted us. We are you now. What are you doing? You need to regain control and assume your human form. You’ll die if the demon blood takes over. And how does this fix that? Blood purifying. The afflicted blood makes the symbol, to the left humanity stands, demons haunt the right, and the accumulation of dreams leads the way. Essentially we’ll sacrifice a human, a demon, and a Mistkin for you to live. I DON’T WANT THAT!!! You don’t have a choice, live on for us who reside within. The demon’s chains shattered and our memories don’t want us to die again. Please.

Three near dying beings stood in the circle with me. My demon blood started flowing out of my eyes. The demon and human evaporated into spheres of light cleansing the dark blood. I dropped to my knees because of immense pain. I watched the Mistkin be drained of his blood to save me from blood loss. He absorbed the cleansed blood until the ritual finished. He changed into a being of pure light that spoke.

“Ah, you are the one. The true sinner who stays alive to defend the holy radiance. Born of humanity and bathed in evil. You’ve seen the light from the darkness. A knowledge forbidden because few man are worthy of the sacrifice. To always see the radiance but never reach it. And what is your name Lightbringer?”

“Shadow, a moniker because the real name has been lost.”

Young Icarus: The Free Heart

by Desnei, posted in Poetry, Who I Am

Hey I was offset by your tender heart and was wondering,
Oh just maybe, can we get to know each other? (Save me.)

There has been a storm brewing and you’re the calm
Before its devastation. Turn your hand, show the palm,
Try to understand we’re both afraid. Time is no cure
For the brokenness inside our hearts. Of this I am sure.

It took a single glance for my heart to feel this resonance,
Light shining from a crack through a wall. Don’t ever forget
Who you are because of suffering. I’ll climb this wall and try
My hardest just know I’m only a human. I’m sorry if I fail.
Words. True love and true hate, I hurt knowing I messed up
When I said I’d never leave. I wanted to stay but the truth
Took roost right here. We needed to grow in the sunlight.

I wouldn’t understand that until I felt the dagger of love
Twisting in my heart. Screaming, thrashing; the dove
Finally broke his wings and fell to Earth’s verdant grove.

The body mended with time but he never flew too high
Out of fear. Regrets clouded the mind. He’d stay
There for refuge believing he lost his own way.
Nothing feels alright, I’m so broken inside. So I sigh.

Trace my fingers on my chest feeling every rib. I wondered,
If I stay here will I ever heal? This is like I’ve surrendered.

That was the day I ran from there. My heart was uneasy
Yet I never stopped running. I couldn’t live by the terms
Others set for me because I knew I’d end up failing them.

I can’t figure out the way and I can’t stay still anymore.
Will you wander with me? On that day forever I swore.

I swore I’d be yours. . .if you’d be mine, no ploys being played.

icarus
Together we can return to the skies. By myself I’ll just fall, same with you my dear friend. . .

The Fate of a Flower Petal

by Desnei, posted in Activist, Who I Am

Is this the fate of a flower petal drifting towards a flame? I reach out so freely until gravity takes hold, pushing me down and setting the motion. The last seconds of a fleeting dream leave me upon a precipice. All I can think about now is a question.

“Do I jump and let go of my worries?”

That question doesn’t apply to suicide even though I’ve been there before. This is a suicide of sorts where the individual loses themselves in part. A flower petal can’t bear the passage through fire and neither can a human if weakness shows. I tried finding other ways around the flames with no avail. Abandon hope all ye who enter here.

Dante’s quote is the reminder I picked from the roots of my education. To stand between religion and science I find light guiding a path to walk. The constant margin for error entices me to delve further into the questions I have. I’ve become unafraid of the unknown because all it has ever been is a boundary.

Those flames still rise. I try my hardest to never get burned just to find that I’m too weak. The love from others is what saves me from burning away and provides me with a new sense of hope. Somehow I steered far away from the fire all these years. Will my journey ever bring me back there? It’ll return until I no longer have the strength to resist anymore.

What would happen if I relinquish hope? The hope exists as a fire within me and it came from the inferno. This curse we have all accepted for more time. How much is enough? Any amount will suffice as long as not today. We are extremely greedy in that respect because just existing is miraculous enough. Certain things in life can’t be let go and that’s why we are greedy in a selfless way. Oh, the irony stemming from that sentence.

We all race through days learning that we can’t let go of everything. Yet I’ll jump from the edge of my fear into the large margin called chance. One day the flames will reach me in my momentary flight and leave not but ash. And thus is the fate of a flower petal.
sa;bdry

Archangel Origins: The Lion’s Awakening ~ Prologue

by Desnei, posted in Archangel Origins: The Lion's Awakening, Fiction, Rise of the First Blight

“The ancient times when steel obelisks stretched towards a blue sky harbored both cathedrals of light and dens of darkness. Many people during that century never noticed the forces in control of their lives. Why would they wish to? A sense of safety was found in the day to day struggles that their social hierarchy created.

After seeing such a system destroy my own world I found myself in a place I can only explain as a requiem. The echoes of every organism endlessly reverberated there. However, an urge pulled me deeper into the sound until I could distinguish between the moments in time. I stayed there watching a trillion separate lives unfold. There was something beautiful in the uncertainty, no the randomness, of their lives tossed into an unknown Universe.

I drifted among that pseudo-space of consciousness for what felt like an eternity. Memories from great scientists, selfless priests, honorable men, and noble leaders demonstrated how beautiful the outcome of life could be. Their deeds inspired me greatly.

I finally realized I wasn’t in control of my drifting between memories. A force comparable to the pulling of tides moved me further through the pseudo-space. I stayed patient and opened my heart for the memories ahead. My thoughts centered around them instead of myself. I even forgot about my own life for a while there. That sudden release of identity never frightened me, never created hysteria, and never felt wrong. The feeling must be explained as nostalgic because there exists a point in every life where memories don’t exist.

Remembering now the life I lived had many struggles but I never stopped reaching higher. I never made it to my unrealistic goals and continued on until the day a war destroyed my planet. It was my home. Like a fairy tale the planet garnished something quite miraculous for such a short time. I’ve never loathed the end of any great tale because all good things must end someday. In truth my past stopped mattering when my death catapulted me from my materialistic universe into this pseudo-space.

Fate, the best name for the force that moved me, led me into a darkness. The number of memories here greatly diminished compared to the bright place I was earlier. I watched very dark memories taint other memories with malign intentions. Suddenly a large burst of energy knocked me away from that area to another.

I landed on my back upon a cobblestone path. My eyes affixed towards the pseudo-space above as I coughed from the hard landing. I sat there confused and watched the dark and bright memories violently clash overhead. Something about this frightened me more than the super nuclear weapon that destroyed my entire planet. My body shivered from the fear but I forced myself onto my feet.

This is where my story begins. . .at the end of my life.”

sa;bdry

The Probability of Change

by Desnei, posted in Activist

This isn’t my typical post. I just can’t convey it quickly. So first I’ll give a TL;DR:

The choices we make in life seem insignificant but they aren’t. Never believe you are less than a sentient being and live on.

How were things like the Divine Right of Kings ever believed by our ancestors? The reason is our hypocritical nature. When the truth would hurt another we’ll lie. This trait can’t be seen truly as just bad or good. All events have equal chance of different results. When the concept of Divine Right manipulated every aspect of society it appeared impossible to overcome. We, the human race, did by usurping its throne from within.

The hierarchy created by the rich still functions despite our ambitious strike. When Egyptian workers protested the inhumane construction of a pyramid centuries ago they couldn’t do anything except barter for benefits. All we can do is aim to be slightly higher than slaves. But do those benefits change the reality or simply our perception?

Most of my friends and family members tell me “That’s how it has always been. It’ll never change.” Yeah, if all we ever do is accept what we’re given. The steps toward changing this world scare many of us from ever trying. I truly wish that we’d attempt defusing our situation instead of standing near that absolution. We can’t absolve our sins by acting blind.

These sins aren’t anything a god can erase but by coincidence humanity must find a way. We enslaved a free world with lies, commerce, and technology. The lower castes of society think progress helps better the world while the aristocracy abuses those good intentions. Things haven’t changed because the system we believe in failed.

Governments must take that reality into account. They don’t want to save their citizens just pocket money by very slowly burning the whole place down. When the funding seems lackluster propaganda surfaces inciting conflict. Eventually the citizens will degrade completely making the media their medium of faith and will lash out anyone questioning the system. Can there be any hope at this point?

Certainly. Hope is the desire to seek change from a negative state. A great example comes from a popular quote that says “God is dead.” because we advanced beyond our singular beliefs creating discrepancies within faith. God represents hope for many but this quote has merit stemming from the meaningless existence we might find without purpose. I know I’ve teetered on that destination for many years. Even though other reasons led me there I totally understood how removing purpose might set us down an even darker path. Add that with our greed there’s a better chance people will suffer in this world.

We’re all connected making the impact much greater. If we truly can justify fighting wars for greed then the current world is a giant payday. The first cogs in starting such an event would be those caught between greed and faith. These people might be respected by members of the faith who can’t begin to understand the connections they might have with the outside world. Try to picture the depth and consequences of this partnership.

In a world defined by currency religion, groups of moral teaching, will feel very confused. When they discover orphans of conflict the outcome can be very unpredictable. They’ll adopt their views but a desire for vengeance might lurk beneath and can contaminate the sound morals of their newly found faith. A wealthy, respected member of the religion pulls an orphan aside and discovers the child’s desire for vengeance. The member creates a new sect for the orphans to begin anew but acquires a way for them to obtain vengeance – weapons.

Guns developed to advance warfare find their way into the hands of a conflicted group. Extremism doesn’t develop by itself. Many variables must be set beforehand and even then it’s rare for the extremists to thrive. The world market abandoned a location inadequate in exports creating a need for international aid. And these countries witnessed a battle fought against political extremists where a massive amount of money got expended creating an option.

An extremist religious sect paid secretly by wealth acquired through trade and time takes up the mantle. Ultimately the sect will be defeated at an expense. During this exploitation other countries will reap the profits and sweep the mess under a rug. This event could teach other countries to disrespect each other for profit making many problems for the spheres of influence. Enough problems could lead toward an international affair then conflict between two spheres.

That outcome exists but so do many others. I’ve pondered hundreds of the outcomes and realized something unprecedented. Every action we take has a chance to offset the outcome. An act of kindness could be the difference between war and peace. The truth is every human adds to the probability of possible events. Nothing royalty or aristocracies do can prevent seven billion people from changing what we know, crossing boundaries, learning, and loving. It’s complicated how existence works but also quite beautiful.

Aim to be the best you and don’t worry if it isn’t good enough. You might change the future by accident. That’s kind of scary. . .not as much as quantum entanglement though.
sa;bdry

Every Light Is Red

by Desnei, posted in Poetry, Song

What is this life? I’m moving forward
But every light on this road shines red.
I feel so broken inside and still I smile
As if I’m taunting a battle with myself.
Countless days haunted by my failure
At being useful to anyone or anything.

I swear that I’ll survive this storm.
There’s always a chance to redeem
Yourself no matter what you’ve done.
Find the warmth radiating from the Sun
It’ll lead the way. We all have steam
To blow but in time life will form.

Finding meaning in life can take a while.
Don’t dare to overthink your worth. Smile.
stormy

The Shallows of Eternity’s Wake

by Desnei, posted in Poetry, Song

When does an existence take shape,
In procession or as the shadows fall?
This precarious reality lived in a hall
That stretches outward until the tape.

A quarantined zone awaits at the finish line.
Seeking answers to find more questions, the fine.

Cosmic epiphany like a comet coming back
As the harbinger of the unknown. A tail of ice,
Sparkling with starlight, awakens the dreamers
From their catered transcendental slumbering.

The probability makes all things beautiful.
Every variable plays a part in creating existence
And we are the scions of that accidental state.
Yeah, all I am is a blot of ink on a page.

Existence is an interaction not a state of being.
When these cards are played what are we seeing?
A game of consequence with no point in fleeing.

This is the shallow of eternity. We must wade further down river
If we want to understand more. One day we all will sink under
The water and fade away from our limited understanding.
To transition from the known to unknown is quite reprimanding;
Everything must be unlearned, abandoned. Your perspective a sliver
Caught in flesh that must be removed, forgotten, for the greater.
primordialwaters