For Peace

Just like a drug that only masks the pain
Your words are but a momentary haven.

“Save yourself and repeat your dressed up lie
Until it becomes truth.” I tried to believe but,
My heart can’t be persuaded since that night.

When I saw the stars peeking through trees
I could feel something greater pulling my insides.
Does it feel that way for you? What is it that resides
In that heart of yours? Listen to me, he who frees
Himself will find out how lonely it can be in a crowd.
We’re waking from a dream to a nightmare. Proud?
I’ve been wandering until the day I fall to my knees.

Just like a drug that only masks the pain
Your words are but a momentary haven.

I’m trying to keep composure. Am I fighting or surrendering?
The life where I act as a knight despite my kingdom in ruins
Because I promised the King. I am sick and tired of this war!
We have the potential to love but all I ever seem to find is hate.

If I lose everything what will I do? End this war with my hands.
I’m avoiding violence and teaching love. I pray these many lands
Find peace before the monster within me awakens. Take my hands.

Just like a drug that only masks the pain
Your words are but a momentary haven.

I need your actions to solidify what I’m standing for. . .

treestars
Source of this beautiful picture.

 

 

Tear Down the Wall Dividing Us

Waiting on the day I can breathe once again.
Choked on the fumes of existence and dreams,
I can”t breathe the same air as long as I remain
Living. Every time I try all I can hear are screams.

Is that the imprint left from mankind,
An inability to accept falling behind?

The idea that a wall exists dictating productive
From obsolete. Life should never be quantified
Yet, I still find my own heart to be quite ineffective
When the truth is seen: We’re divided not unified.

Trying my best they dissect and analyze.
We’re no longer trying to relate anymore.
This predatory game played only hurts us.

Don’t betray another for the lies you’ve been fed
For this world has seen much despair in our stead.

Misdirection

Stepping to the line that divides what I knew
From what I learned. The reality I have now
Might be a travesty in the eyes of the few.
At a point in the past I would wonder how.

Did I really care that much I’d judge myself?
Their words caught and placed me on a shelf.

My hands that can’t build or destroy a palace
Don’t play any role on this lonely island
Planet. What more can you want from me?
I gave my everything and still fell down.
We have grown but these scars remain
Making me believe I’m useless.
The strength I use to live is stolen
Because I don’t have any left.

One more bad dice roll from being forgotten.
I bet everyone would like that, to forget my sin
Then move on like I was never even here.
I see that daily. The truth has been clear
So I’ll try my best to live a lie with some reason.
What has hurt me will someday be forgotten.

Will I ever be able to live in your world?
I’ll always be there but I’m not that cold.

We won’t see eye to eye when you hate
Me for being what you can’t be.
The pain I fought through resonates
And trust me you’d never want a taste.
Fear consuming all that I am.

I’m so far gone since that fateful day
When you marked me. Shaken
My faith in this life I’ve taken.
The self hate that I will no longer say.


I have often questioned what I don’t like and why. My mind tries to understand every point of view for justification purposes. (Often that means forgiving horrendous acts because the person did what they thought was truly right even when they were misled.) Most people wouldn’t want to cross that line because they may never be able to find their way back. I’m positive I lost myself.

I can justify the worst actions but not mine. By judging myself too harshly I fail to find much meaning in the life I lead. Wish I could. The only tethers I have to this life are my friends even though they probably just pity me. “What do they really think of me?” haunts my mind when talking to them. If I started crying would they even know that THIS is why. There is an emptiness inside I will always hide.

The days slip by with me trying to do anything constructive. My hands slip before I ever become anything substantial. Others judge my failed efforts making me feel entirely useless. I can’t be them. I still try to be though! This is what can’t be justified. If I ever want to truly fight my own battle I need to tune out everyone else. I’m learning how to be the best man I can be.

Talk to me and you’ll never see the pain I harbor. Never believed anyone would help me so I never asked. Years went by I still remained quiet. People said I was either stupid or mean which I loathed with my whole being. No one expected anything from me. Where are my friends now? They’re moving on when my feet refuse to do the same. Will any of them reach out to see if I’m alright? Maybe they just gave up on me.

I made new friends who remind me  that this whole thing is wrong. I’m doing the best I can in a tough situation. The words of others affect me more because I am self conscious after everything that has happened to me. My mind never stops analyzing giving myself a different perspective that others have a tough time relating. I found people who take the time. Everything is starting to look up.
sa;bdry

Shifting Paradigms

A world I love for good and bad
Like the Sun and moon we watch
Every day. Every cell will attach
Creating all living things. I’m sad.
The endless beauty lost to a match
Destined to burn the canvas. A patch.
Temporary verdant, is all I ever had.

Will you ever see me just once?
I stay here watching you dance.

My true name remains unknown
But you know it. Say it to me again.
Human, a beast without a crown.

What I’m meant to be isn’t grand
Although, a majesty exists to be seen:
The gift of chance known as the Earth.
This is what I’m aiming to always see.
Existence. I find resistance from others
Bringing me to my knees. I’ll never beg!

Why force me into a lonely spiral?
Gripping to the ledge I remember
Everything I believe and love. November,
Harbinger of our frigid Winter crystal.

I thought we’d enter the blizzard’s fray
Without ill will but I saw you walk away.
There was a time I’d ask you to stay.

I’m caught in a shift from romanticism
And dark romanticism towards realism.


A romantic drowning in a world of realists. “Am I alone?” These three words echo in an empty space. Well there isn’t a point in self loathing when I know I’m different from the rest. I don’t fit the paradigm created by mankind. I have no desire to destroy or change it just observe. I’ll do what is necessary for a self-respectable life but nothing more. Lazy? Perhaps. Happy? Yeah. The difference is my life is based on the profound instead of the mundane.

treeinfourseasons

A Desertside Tragedy

The desiccation of our race
Comes at our hands. Scripture
Written in blood. Left in terror
Everyone drowns in silence.

We were dancing along to the currency
Love affair unaware of this life. The day
Came for the curtains to draw at last.
When it did a grand tragedy played out.

Walking hand in hand? The reality known
Had nothing but lies woven into a crown.

I seek a resolution to this dissolution,
The technicality in turning back time.
Nothing can reverse a bullet in flight
But you knew that. What’s the crime
For holding on? It’s your one true right.
Hold onto the beautiful things in your day
That will always and forever light your way.
Listen not to the words others might say.
If they walk away find some shade to lay.

A true tragedy takes willing participants
Who let emotion win. I know we have wants
And our hearts burn but open your eyes.
The world is changing under blue skies.

If you sink you’ll drown. Take my hand,
We need to get away! They chase
Us down even if across foreign land.
In time these tragedies might erase.

Our choices they differ but we’re family.
Humanity is a family so hurting is silly.

sa;bdry
MAJI ~ People who care just because it’s the right thing to do.

Of These Passing Stars; Part I

 

     I sat on the grass and watched cars race on by. One by one they abandoned me without a single glance. The forgotten world surrounded me. It wasn’t a jungle where I’d be lost but a lawn in the middle of a city.

     “In a jungle I could fade away like I was never there. Here is a prison made out of good intentions, Hell. Nothing monotheistic or polytheistic just what it is. No words or actions could ever break the bars made from what we thought was best. But I am the one who is wrong for sitting here doing nothing. A devil that never tortures himself or others because he believes in more.” I amused the thought under my breath ever so cynically.

     The world reached towards a light. Gravity dragging it towards the fiery ball of gas that gave life. The Groves of Heaven revolving around the Gate of Hell. Aren’t they similar in ways undefined? Lines plotted on a graph are still lines and they’ll intersect eventually. If only they were parallel instead.

     Every other human listened to what they were told and so they are destined to drive away. My heart dropped through my chest because I long to forget what I’ve grown to know and join them. We were cut from different cloth. Why do I know if we were angels I’d be one of the fallen? They went to perform holy duties while I remained here like a stone. Forgotten.

     I decided to dedicate my life towards my writing. The beauty others passed by I must see. Life’s choices dictated the routes we would take leading us through days, weeks, months, years. Judgment passed between the lips of angels eternally damning each other. Why do these good intentions mark us as traitors?

     Choices, the true difference that divided us from fables. Raised in an advancing technological era all we have are choices. These choices turned into an endless ocean. The choice handed to us is an oar to help us navigate the journey. We created an odyssey that would leave Homer speechless.

     The journey I departed has left me with many enemies. Gods, monsters, men, nymphs, and myself deceived me. Humans I extrapolated into something extravagant. A story required characters I have seen and known. I captured their souls in my mind as if they were demons and my mind was Pandora’s Box.

     Created poems and stories from what lays before me. The inspiration dripped from existence like water from an icicle. Alternate states of matter displayed before watching eyes. I devoted my life to the miracle of life instead of wealth and society. Most people scrutinized my life without understanding that I am different.

     My life never hinged on them but every day I watched them live their lives. Sometimes we walked into a ring where we fight but I understood why all along. The choices we made defined the lines and now we finally intersected.

Life will never wait for us.
sa;bdry

The Eave of Eternity

A tale of thieves and kings, the Priests of Greed,
Rests on the tongue of a disgruntled people.
Drinking from a cup of poison ever so bitter
Without sweets and salty foods to stave
Off the truth. When they know not
What they’re suffering for
The blame shifts
Violently!

An island half forest and half desert
Standing all alone. Built a city on dirt
The people ignored the shifting sands.
A people unable to offer their own hands.
Where the sand met land there was hurt.
Guards holding guns with orders to avert.

Nature created a cliff holding the trees
Far above the dunes. Convicted thieves
Set free on the desert ransack the towns
Barely holding on. Heavy tariffs,
Lack of exports, anti-refugee laws;
A people just like them abandoned.

Thieves written off as executed
Ruling the dunes where nightmares rest.
What reason is there? How can this be a test
For the living? All hope decimated.

Scared and in a corner they let anger
Spew from the cracks in their hearts.
The only compassion they receive
Are bullets raining from the sky above.

The world looks away in disgust
Believing their lies of comfort.
Do they feel or is there rust
On their hearts? The last resort.

“When can we justify this twisted divide?
When something is missing on the inside.”
sa;bdry

Waters Rising, the Tomb I Keep

My safety, an isle far away
From the sorrows of life,
Has been sinking far below.
I search and wade in the shallow
City looking for a lost fife.
A melody will let memories stay.

Nothing more than tears in the streets
As the people chase after eternal sweets.

When I reach the cathedral,
My bleeding heart torn out,
The real fears take hold of me.
All around me my safety faded
Away leaving me with my demons.

Silently they pulled the cords
On the gallows. The crows
Scattered. Thick blood shows
Through creaking floor boards.

I looked at the ceiling with frightened eyes
Ignoring the sticky fluid reaching my knees.
Every pew I reached skeletons of the past rose.
One by one they reminded me of the path I chose.

“If I can remember yesterday will things
Return back to normal? If my heart sings
Will the stars return to their eternal thrones?
I’d do anything to forget these pathetic moans!”

My hands touched the altar and I fell down.
The blood up dragged me under. Doubts
Encircled me but I swam towards the light
Despite how much hope I lost in this time.
A need for this safety outweighed all logic
Because it was all I ever knew to embrace.
When the world rejected me I dreamed
Of a lost isle where dreams never die.
Was I just too selfish? The blood splashed
In my eyes as I watched it recede away.
I coughed a bit then raised my head.
A memory played out before me.

Someone I respect talked to me on what
Life meant. I listened and knew that
My feelings differed greatly but I stayed there.
Every human exists but few are willing to share.

“A place to rest my heart when I am scared
Isn’t wrong. For so long I lived in fear
Of what others thought about me.
My heart shattered for them. Never again.”

I awoke to the call of birds, Earthen angels,
Who have been waiting for daybreak like me.
Magic_Sword_Wings_Tattoo_by_Nalavara

The Birth of a Dream and a Belief

I awoke from darkness with new eyes
That always question what I see.
Days went on by, I learned that the key
Of life is in direction. What about lies?

They are constructed from truth
And people rarely see their worth.

Everyone relies on a lie once in a while.
Life gets hard and we break inside;
This is the Shattered Dawn.

I tried to find a lie to rest upon
But the world bound me to the truth.
Everyone danced in the cold night
As my eyes searched the streets
For a sign among these artificial lights.
I need to know what’s actually right
In this fairytale of a wolf’s tooth.
Give into hunger or lose the tension.

I survived without making a choice.
And I reached towards the sky in a joyous
Refrain. I had met myself face to face.

But wait! This wasn’t meant to last when
My friends came to say dreams are dead.
This rage grew in my gut, covered me in red,
Silenced my tongue, and left me alone again.

Everything I knew and cared about rejected.
The tears that never fell made scars on my heart
That will never ever heal. Why did we fall?

A world that was too real and unable to feel.
Why should that be? I found it in me to reel
Back and say no. The words I say with tears streaming:
No, there is nothing wrong in dreaming.

Then I heard hatred spoke against beliefs.
They blamed it for the terrible events
Orchestrated in a desert they never entered.
We called them monsters but these forms we all share.

So I folded inward with downward eyes.
Nobody wants the truth when it stings
But somehow the truth is all my heart sings.
Something had to be done in sake of our ties.

I dreamed of a place where thoughts reside.
These emotions and dreams replicated;
Our humanity preserved. I’m transfixed
On this idea where it no longer matters the side.

This dream is a belief that we can all find peace.
No matter your choices you will find your place.

sa;bdry

A City of Glass: Part I, Chapter II

I open my eyes to see her head fall down onto my shoulder. She struggles to breathe but forces her head to turn towards my left ear. Her heartbeat speeds up, fear makes us both tremble, and I finally notice the blood. A bullet lodged itself in her rib cage after piercing one of her lungs.

“I forgot to tell. . .you why I came here. The royal army. . .sent their new. . .regiment to kill. . .the Mystical Veil. People who believe in religion. . .practice magic. . .aren’t deem human. . .will die. I wanted. . .you to. . .be hap. . .happy.” Her breathing stops but she kisses my cheek.

“I am happy! Don’t go before you know that. I was extremely happy that you came here to save me! You never let go of your promise to be there whenever I fall apart. I don’t want to leave your body here. What’s the purpose of all this? Please I need to hear you once again! Don’t die!”

“Ru..uh..n. . .” She rolls off of me with her failing strength.

My heart drops to the bottom of my chest while tears flood my eyes. I struggle getting my feet underneath me. The world spins around me and my stomach feels uneasy. I can’t hold it back. I never found myself shy to blood but this is far too much, too personal, and too real.

I get myself steady after the queasiness passes. Her last word repeats in my head. Run. Run. Run. Run. Shouts of men can be heard in the forest before the cliff. I can’t get pass them and I know that. I look to the sky beyond the cliff to see the Sun setting. My heart beats faster and faster until I begin running headlong towards the edge.

“I’m not worth your bullets! I’ll end this for you! Don’t go looking for me because the ocean will be my grave unless fate has something else in store for me! Let’s place a bet! If I come back I won’t be alone and we’ll take back this land for the memory of all who died to your destructive beliefs!!!” Gunfire sprays from the forest but not a shot hits me as I leap off the cliff.

I feel like I’m flying until gravity pulls me towards the rocks. Regrets cry out from within but I can’t say a word  as I fall like a spear into the sea. I’m sorry I couldn’t get away. They weren’t going to talk and I wanted to die next to you. Why did you tell me to run? Run to where? Save me somebody! My silent screams dig themselves into my spine forcing me to feel this unrelenting, crawling chill.

     Today is the worst day ever. I let my emotions get in the way and I almost killed myself. I killed the one person who made this life bearable. Her blood is on my hands. What God would. . .no this is the act of indecent men. If there is a God I need you now. Do whatever it takes just let me live through this day. I want to live on to be a thorn in the hide of evil so I can show light even in the dark. And if that is too much to ask then let her take my place in Heaven. I know she never believed in you but she never judged me for believing. She encouraged me to love you and if it wasn’t for her I’d be lost in my own sorrow. A life for a life is fair trade. I can’t ask for anything more.

    I close my eyes in anticipation of the end. The whole world shrinks to this place in the way a tragedy highlights the death of the protagonist. A single man isn’t wholly good or wholly evil but today one takes the stage. I am saying my last rights in my head as a wind touches my back as I am flung forward into salty water. My eyes open in my confusion to see a light above my head.

“A little wisp? They hide from people. What is it doing here? Did you. . .” I reach my hand towards the ball of light. “Who are you?” A familiar warmth startles me.  “Is this even possible?”

“Run.” The small wisp moves ahead and waits for me. I float in the water in a breathless daze while I look at my hand. “Run.”

I swim towards the light. The wisp keeps moving into the open ocean. Night descends upon us, the wisp leads on, I follow, and my heart feels her presence all around me. Whispers can be heard somewhere off in the distance but I can’t stop. My life is still in the hands of fate. The freezing water is slowing me down. My sense of touch fades away.

Suddenly the wisp rushes off into the night without me. Cold stiffens my joints and stings my throat. I can’t move. Did I follow a random wisp for no reason risking my life in the process? The warmth was so real like Olivia’s. I miss her. I grasped at the first thing to remind me of her. An old love  found in the warmth of another. I’m truly pathetic if I seek her so badly. Love is a great thing until the day it falls from the hands of whoever holds it. I still feel her love although she’s gone.

My eyes begin closing. A lot of little lights come into view in front of me. My body starts shutting down. Darkness covers everything once again. I could float endlessly in the tides like a rocking chair lulling me to sleep. Pinholes of warmth spread across my body letting me open my eyes once more. The wisps fade into my skin, they sing a song as they come to me, and magically my life recovers.

The world we once loved,
It has been made different and changed.
Some point we fell from our life
And found ourselves under a scythe.

Together we sing of light
To break us out of this endless night.
Our tears can flood
But no more do we have blood.

Something holds us to the Earthen soil
Although we left this mortal coil.

     Every light fuses with my body except for one. It floats in my reach as if waiting for something. Olivia’s light hasn’t touched me yet. Can this be her? What should I do? I reach my hand out towards the light only to see Olivia materialize before me. The whole world feels right once again.

     “I can’t stay long Rayne. I came to give you a final goodbye in this form. I’ll follow you endlessly as a wisp though. I heard you blaming yourself. Dumb ass! I did what I wanted to do because I love you. If I didn’t I would’ve let you get impaled by those rocks earlier.”

     “Do you have to criticize me even when you’re dead? I thought maybe this could be romantic but. . .” she kisses me quickly.

     “I do love you and that’s why I criticize. A ship will be here soon. I’ll be a wisp by the time they reach us. These people hunt a rare fish that breeds under the light of wisps. Go with them to wherever. You’ll have a good life. Forget about the past, keep me near, and move forward. Rayne, babe, I need you to promise me that you won’t ever come back to Dragacia. A horrible genocide will begin. I can’t handle the thought of losing you to those soldiers. Please promise me.” her body begins to shimmer and fragment.

     “I promise. We can be together forever this way. I’ll never let go of that as long as you’re around.” I kiss her back just before she turns back into a wisp.