Of These Passing Stars; Part II

I walked away towards a little tree. The shade reflected the color of my heart. A bottle of vodka rested against the tree and the shows danced upon the glass. I squinted at the gleam and realized I was finally alone. My hands opened the bottle as I stared out across the city and above to see the lonely skyline.

The alcohol washed down my throat with a familiar burn. I placed the bottle down and searched for my notebook. Every feeling I had felt like energy coursing through me. Calmness washed over me then I smiled from my heart after what has been so long. The heart divided from my body started to reconnect. Few friends witnessed the real me who emerges when I find peace in me.

What happened to the days when I never cared? The lessons I learned from life haven’t all been fair. A gentle and loving heart restricted by a roll of the dice. Was that what changed everything though? A heart without scars built walls against others one day. What created this kingdom within?

I was told to do what I was told. They watched me play along to their own tune but never witnessed my heart. Deep inside of me their words never reached. I discovered what meant a lot to me and that was enough for me, love and beauty. The skin-deep beauty wasn’t my desire because true beauty awaits within. Such as the words I wrote from then to now have contained the most beauty I’m capable of.

When I needed help I was too arrogant to ask. A heavy depression lingered within my head. Happiness was hard to find from anywhere. I screwed a lot of things up by self-medicating. My choices welcomed disaster. But I shattered through that depression by being one arrogant fool. I understood others faced worse but to me I needed to look deep inside because drugs couldn’t fix me.

Even now I still struggle with finding happiness in the things others enjoy. It makes me feel like an outcast. But today I have reasons to fight on through how I feel. Friends who I want to make laugh even by being completely ridiculous. A family I need to let know that I can live my own life and they don’t need to worry. My lover who I want to discover a better us with and never let her down even when I find myself afraid.

They’re the reason I write. Every beautiful thing in life they might never see I’ll open their eyes. I’m not the type to place coins on the eyes of the dead because I want to go on living. Rest silently brothers and sisters underground or forgotten because I’ll live in appreciation of everything.

So open up your eyes and witness the Universe all around you.

I’m Fallen Not Broken

What is right and what is wrong?
I thought I could find it on a long
Journey through life. Am I strong
Enough to finally recite a song?

The song of who I am. Caught
Up in the words of yesterday
But I try going forward. Do others
See me falling back or rising up?
There is so much more. If only
They’d open their eyes and see me.

Screaming to lift this lonely rope
From my neck. I am here. They say
That respect is something you pay
A price for. I’m just trying to cope.

The real me wants some rest
But everyday I’m put to a test.

What if I surrender? What if I snap?
My heart beats so I face what I know,
But is that all there is? I’m so numb!

I want to dream again. All the pain
In this world I hate. If I were to say no
What would they even do? The rain
Falls if I win or lose. Say get ready, go;
I’ll be waiting here for a derailed train.

Every time I reached for a hand I fell
From an emotional cliff. I never drowned
So I return trying to right the past. Crowned
By my regrets, thorns, I can already tell
I’m never going back into the cold ocean.
They say I’m distant but that is my devotion
To all of the true hearts we can never sell.

I cared so much but they let me fall below.
So I vow for life that I’ll never be that shallow.

Sepulchrum Cogitata

A tombstone in a graveyard
Holds the words of disregard.
The future lays beyond one curtain
That I emerged from just to entertain.
When Death gives his card
Will I be beneath his guard?

This life has been a battlefield.
My friends sunk into the mud
And on my hands is dirt and blood.
All I have is a spade. Digging trenches,
Unmarked graves, for the morbid truth.
Please don’t look down from your dream.

Runaway dreamers who never see
The darkness we wade into. Unknown
Realities touch them, burning down
This ancient sepulcher. Never see.

A dream in a nightmare. Beauty unparalleled
If only we search. This spade unearths felled
Memories forgotten in a distant high. I had told
Them to never fade away for they can’t be killed.

So look at it this way:

I watched the world turn
But then we let it just burn.

The ways we run from the pain defines us
Because it is a choice. Face it or run away,
We are all clinging to tragedies.
They are written in our flesh and hearts
Guiding us from these unending nights.
Time is truly fickle when our hearts
And bodies become medicated by lies.

Walking in an eternal night
But you could make it right.

I don’t ask you to accept but understand this is you.
(Your hardships and mistakes define you.)

The Precipice of Dreams Reaching Reality

We stood inches apart but miles in our hearts. In a large room of black stones without a torch but I trembled from my old friend’s presence. Beasts from another dream roared through the long corridors of this tower. My companions entombed from the faith placed in me, an addled general. A heaviness touched my heart knowing I could never make this right. Light flickered in front of me. I reached out to touch but it floated out of reach.

“Death made you much more slim. Maybe I should try it myself after the holidays. The results are quite ephemeral. I’m positive you are the friend I abandoned for my selfish desire. The heaviness confirms that we once knew each other because you are trying to pop my heart like a balloon. I’d be better off that way. You can’t though. This tower is a prison that executes souls by eating away at memories and turning them into beasts. A lich gave me this calling it a gift to her champion. What does it do?” I pondered as I walked around the room and traced my left hand against the walls.

“Steals away everything that makes you you. But I remember you like a scar on the back of my hand. Even that won’t remain forever here. All you had to do was refuse!” the light, perhaps the soul, changed color in correspondence to its own emotions.

“Start a senseless war or sacrifice a single person? The answer is quite. . .”

“It isn’t simple. And the war wouldn’t have been senseless. They killed good people, your family even, yet you sold one more person to their hunger. Me. You originally wanted revenge then you settled for diplomacy. What matters to you in this tragedy?”

“The things that mattered are dead now.” I stumbled on those words.

“You came to this death trap just to see me, huh? Dumb kid. This is nothing like going to a friend’s grave.”

“Why I brought this.” I took a grave marker out of my bag and placed it on the floor.

“You think of me after betraying me?”

“I remember every person I hurt because I’m sorry. I’m sorry that they got in the way of my war.” the light exploded after my remark revealing the visage of my old friend.

“What war?”

“My war against the Earth.”

“Is fighting all you can do with your life!? You lost so much to the world but you’re still gambling with it. I tried my best in turning you away from this path. Why return here if you’ll never heed my words? Your hands drip with blood still.” the torches in the room lit suddenly after his words.

My friend sat on a chair. He was no longer transparent and stared at me with unforgiving eyes. The walls lined with portraits of the past. I remembered those days because they are adorned to my thoughts. A feeling of remorse pierced through the shell made to hide a painful truth. Droplets dripped on the ground and echoed through this stone room. I looked at my hands.

Fresh blood covered them. My stomach rolled, I covered my mouth, and closed my eyes out of disgust. The sound remained. I covered my ears to no avail. Memories of blood on oppressors and the oppressed emerged. My face fixed onto the bodies of oppressors while my friends bled to death before them. Their blood remained on my hands even now.

“That is what follows you. Every sorrow changed you into them. If you learned from the past instead of being controlled by it then life would be different. So if you want to talk then let’s talk about life over a few drinks.” the ghost tossed me a bottle of booze.

“Thanks. I really need this old friend. You see,” I opened the bottle and took a long drink, “There was a time I wanted to avoid revenge. Olivia before she died told me never to hurt others. I betrayed her dying wish. She was too idealistic in a realistic world.”

“Do you justify that as why she died?”

“She would’ve been better off if she just let me die. Twice that night I died. One when I came alone to the cliff to commit suicide. And the other when I ran from men with guns. She saved me by coming there and taking a bullet for me. If she wasn’t that idealistic we’d both be erased.”

“Love is a crazy, kid. We think we will just grow old with that special someone. Some get that. Blessed are their lives. Most never will because the harsh world doesn’t let anything last long. If you live doesn’t the love prove itself still? You’ve made bad choices but her dying promise wasn’t what she said. She didn’t want you to hurt by seeking revenge. Her love for you outweighed her whole entire existence yet you worry about a single broken promise.”

“I learned something that made the promise worth breaking. This world is coming undone from the choices we, humanity, have made. If we stay divided nothing will save us in the end. But there is hope. When an evil greater than each other rises we ignore our simple gripes to fight as one. I wanted to save us by being a shining light. The truth is we need darkness so that our divided fires burn together.”

“What if we engineer this darkness just to hide the truth? What if there was no evil if we didn’t create it?”

“That’s really idealistic. Existence can be unforgiving creating tragedies that test the merit of any beast. Pain creates two paths. And we can’t all do the same with our lives because the realities we face can differ vastly. But those who justify acts of aggression are just as idealistic. We think that by hurting them they’d understand a life they never lived. Don’t you see the dilemma we face? Reality isn’t fair or contrite yet we claim to know it. No one encompasses everything. We destroy our bodies upon the lives we were given believing that there is no other way. This is the problem that we have come to face. We refuse to look at truth for the advent of mass appeal because we are a social creature. Evolution needs to extend from genes into our minds but it never will if we never try to change.”

“Then why can’t you change your path? Everything you have is valid if not the truth. You really must be your worst enemy.”

“If I don’t intervene the lies we have created will be our white flag. I will join the darkness so that I can give humanity a fair warning. They don’t want a harbinger just to take over instantaneously. But if I join there is a chance I could screw up their plans just enough for us all to see.”
“Why can’t you just warn them?”

“They wouldn’t believe me. You know that. People want to believe that everything is alright. They’d abandon everything just to hear four words. Everything will be okay.” I placed the empty bottle on the floor.

“Your desire for results is a little frightening. I can’t see what could ever be scarier than you. A man who knows what is right but proceeds to do what is wrong. But I knew when you fought that beast years ago that you carry everything. Do you not trust others at all?”

“Are you trying to change the subject? You’re a ghost WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO BE AFRAID ABOUT?!”

“A friend who is in pain. Oh and maybe a tower that eats away at memories until. . .wait a moment. Does it only affect ghosts?”

“Nope. Anything with memories will be used. I’ll be here just a little longer. I’m letting the memories that make this painful leave me. Everything is better this way. Ariex, I can’t go back on this path alone if these memories remain like daggers in my already rotting flesh.” the blood on my hands partially disappeared when a few memories faded away.

“That is your lifeline. It is ugly and unfair but the truth you need. If you follow this path any longer your whole body will be covered in blood. Maybe when the memories vanish you won’t have a reason to care. I can’t get you to turn away from all of this. Can you at least tell me what memories will remain?”

“My meeting with the lich Xycea and when you attacked Gorikahn with your Amber Wardens. Everything else will just complicate my life going forward.” I used some wind magic to blow out the torches.

“Your friends and family and loved ones erased. I hope there is a way to reverse this. You’ll need it to know that you were never evil. You care too much. And for that I’ll disappear. . .”

I waited there in the darkness. Everything about the past except the two events vanished. I started the Rise of the First Blight.

Rayne stood up and looked around in confusion as he whispered “Why am I in this wretched place? Stupid Amber Wardens attacking my city for no reason. Serves them right to be sealed here for eternity.” whispered Rayne as he stood up and looked around in confusion. His foot stomped on the floor made of crystallized ghosts then he smiled. . .

A Fallen Ornament

I hung from your branches in a forgotten room
Just beyond your dreaming eyes. Did you know
I waited for you to return? Caught in gloom
Remembering a deathly kiss where sins sow.
My king you abandoned me on a cold night.
But the dark seed of your love lives within
Me, your faithful follower. Your pompous light
Radiating from your blood is your only sin.

A pride harbored in your lustful genes? Bleed
Whoever you want while never paying heed
As you steal away their hope. A leader must lead.

Without hatred I accept the beast chained deep
In a reservoir of tainted blood within you.
It claws at everything you once cared for
Leaving nothing except blood in its wake.
Our screams resonating the same frequency.
If we let these fears consume, the vacancy
In the throne room is you and I. My king,
Does it even matter how this all will end?
I believed your every word as truth! You lied.
This is me walking away from your kingdom.

Understanding the harrowing of your heart
Puts me in an odd position. I can’t forget
Or forgive a man who lost himself. Set
The pawns in place to hide all the hurt.

If I can’t move on why would they?
Truth is in your heart not in what you say.

A story that we should just rewrite
But you lost sight. And so good bye.

And so good bye. . . (It hurts to be this cold inside.)

The Eave of Eternity

A tale of thieves and kings, the Priests of Greed,
Rests on the tongue of a disgruntled people.
Drinking from a cup of poison ever so bitter
Without sweets and salty foods to stave
Off the truth. When they know not
What they’re suffering for
The blame shifts

An island half forest and half desert
Standing all alone. Built a city on dirt
The people ignored the shifting sands.
A people unable to offer their own hands.
Where the sand met land there was hurt.
Guards holding guns with orders to avert.

Nature created a cliff holding the trees
Far above the dunes. Convicted thieves
Set free on the desert ransack the towns
Barely holding on. Heavy tariffs,
Lack of exports, anti-refugee laws;
A people just like them abandoned.

Thieves written off as executed
Ruling the dunes where nightmares rest.
What reason is there? How can this be a test
For the living? All hope decimated.

Scared and in a corner they let anger
Spew from the cracks in their hearts.
The only compassion they receive
Are bullets raining from the sky above.

The world looks away in disgust
Believing their lies of comfort.
Do they feel or is there rust
On their hearts? The last resort.

“When can we justify this twisted divide?
When something is missing on the inside.”

The Accursed Forest

“An ancient presence stirs. Listen to the wind
And hear something more than leaves rustling.
I’ve been here for years just listening. I’m lost.
Souls embedded into the soil and the trees know.”

Words written on a tree. I trace each word
Feeling the turmoil in the carver’s heart.
“How long ago did you use a thin sword
On this tree?” A path we both chose to depart.

Hundreds of yards deep in these woods. I reach
My hands out for higher branches. Among peach
Trees this old oak stuck out like a bar in a church.

I scrape my knee. A drop of blood reaches the ground.
The scent and sound creating a downward spiral.
My heart stops as a beast howls in the distance. Fear
Takes over even high up on this tree. Legends untold.
Animals race for a feast, they hunger much more,
Survival means everything. I hear wings in the distance.

“Damn. I guess I’m not safe up here am I?” Talons
Rip at my back. Gluttony. My hold on the branches loosens
And I start slipping. The ground rests so far below.
A beak digs into my back. Every scream I utter deepens
The hunger. Blood seeps from my back. “A show
Of great defilement. Hunger beyond natural reasons.”
I slam the bird against the oak. Lost in unknown regions.

Three wolves circle the base of the tree. I see
Their eyes glow with blood lust as they watch me.

I found myself without escape. My fate
Laying out before me like a knife on the floor,
A foreboding scene of horror and relief.
Caught in the dark I must carry on.
Carry on no matter the cost and face life. . .
Although I’m weak and so afraid in reality.

Do my eyes turn red if I do the same as them?
Survival? This is a bloody brawl until the end.
All the wounds made will never be able to mend
And the victor stands to lose. A fate so cruel for some.

Tears fall as I hug the tree. “Someone come
Save me!” A rustle in the forest scatters the pack.
Fire ignites the other trees and men far from home
Stand behind the atrocity. Corpses they stack.

“What is this?! I said I’d find the root of the curse
So that no one would be hurt.” “You took too long.
We must eradicate every corrupted beast that lives.”
“The forest isn’t accursed. Accursed is the hearts
Willing to hurt others for their own benefits.
Dragacia is accursed!” “So you admit to treason?”

“If it is the only way to reach your cold heart.”
A soldier raises his gun at me. Time froze long
Enough for me to listen to the forest’s song.
The bullets pound into my chest. “Let the war start.”

Karthentrex — The Lorekeeper

Some beings are born into existence but some are created from emotions in excess. Myths are given life through the feelings that are shared. There are many universes that react differently. A few don’t change, some even change ever so slightly, and there is even one that has become a dream itself. Well one of the more volatile universes created living versions of myths. Pan was one of them trying to see how life truly was.

The humans of that Earth hated these creatures for being a mockery of life. Surely humans were the mockery if anything. They started killing off the myths one by one for a reason hid from the masses. It was the Romans of that universe who did this. They wanted control but the myths gave people hope which leads to the downfall of any empire that caters to the wealthy.

One hot day on the Mediterranean a fleet of ships transported hundreds to a secret location, a mass burial ground. Charybdis attacked the ship carrying Pan and his brother Karthentrex to their execution. Fate had them wash ashore Daedalus’ labyrinth where they came face to face with a new myth.

A tree grew at the heart of the labyrinth. Both Pan and Karthentrex set off on a journey to find that tree. Many threats presented themselves but it wasn’t until the last one that one of the satyrs died. Stone statues came to life and took Pan to the ferryman awaiting every dream given life.

Karthentrex cried but pushed pass the army of statues. He passed out when he reached the tree at the center which wasn’t terrible because the army couldn’t enter. When he awoke his first word was. . .

“Pan. . .”

A natural disturbance catches Karthentrex’s attention. The tree was dying. An Eternal Time Blossom, a tree often referred to as a gauge for a universe’s demise, was dying. Karthentrex grabbed the thing he kept from Pan, a wooden fife, and played a lovely tune. No matter what magic he used the tree never showed any sign of healing.

“If the universe is dying we don’t have much time. My last offer is my heart born of flesh and myth. It serves no purpose than to keep me alive but with that life comes untold possibilities. Creatures may never accomplish the perfect possibilities. What of a tree that is tied to the universe’s heart? Surely you can do what I cannot. Take what is mine and make everything right as you see best. Have free will for once.”

Karthentrex ripped out his heart. The tree absorbed the heart and healed Karthentrex’s wound. Afterwards fog enshrouded the chamber as a visage appeared.

“I, a being created for the longevity of this universe, accept your gift. Us Grand Time Blossoms have our roots transcending space and time connecting ourselves to the Universe Core. It is a hub where the universes disperse mass data into. Most creatures we call the data their soul but it isn’t that grand. Memories are replicated creating a consciousness in a being that isn’t you. Universes must follow strict guidelines to keep certain memories from being created. Those memories would be a virus to the whole system calling for a reboot of existence. Although it wouldn’t be terrible we still want to prevent it. The wealth of information has nothing to compare in value. Why would we wish to erase it all?

Foolish we have become in our relations with the beings of our universes. Accepting your gift is a sign of our depravity affecting the whole system. You bestow upon me free will and I bestow to you everything that is known at any point in history. The future is seen in branches so be weary of how deep you gaze. Any being could become lost in this knowledge that is more treacherous than this here maze.

Lastly this form will die so take these two seeds and plant them wherever you like. One is the good in existence and the other is the bad. You need to plant both. Trust me Karthentrex I am looking out for every creature in this universe. I see that this may lead to something terrible but you are the only one who can do this. In a day this universe will die if you don’t plant these seeds. They will allow me to re-tether myself to the Universe Core giving this universe another chance. Thank you.”

Karthentrex planted the seed that looked good and destroyed the other. He listened to the Grand Time Blossom just thought he could save the world from pain if he destroyed the bad seed. Nothing drastically changed and the tree couldn’t revoke the promise because the seeds weren’t a part of it. Free choice for eternal knowledge was their deal. So why did Karthentrex not use his eternal knowledge to know he messed up? He didn’t instantly know how to use it. Which he will in years figure it out and see just what he did.

The far reaching effects of this choice will create a new path for this universe. Creating thirteen blights that will ravage a single planet, the Earth, until either it spreads to the Grand Time Blossom or the beings fix the wrongs they had made.

So I write the first book called A City of Glass to explore centuries after Karthentrex’s choice. The world changed greatly since then. I can’t wait to show it. Welcome to the Rise of the First Blight.

Runes Carved into the Sky

Magic, a flight of fancy to most
But something of great beauty,
Weaves together the strings
Of our hearts. Close your eyes to see.

     We have been standing at borderlines wondering when things will change. Tears have been shed and lives have been lost in these moments of hysteria. When everything comes to an end we are left with the shards of what we once had. The whole world shattered apart like a picture frame dropped on the floor.

It is impossible to get back what is lost. Our hearts plead and beg for the past to return. When time is an arrow we can’t reclaim a state of before or after just now. We could argue what is the best course of action or we can deal with the immediate problem.

The media wants it to be an issue not a tragedy. When we divide instead of coming together we have lost. We’ve been hypnotized. Show a little heart not your pride when pushed to the line. A strong tower crumbles down harder but love never burns through the fires of war. Change the strategy if you desire victory.

War will not fix the wound Humanity shares. When people don’t see the light in others the world surely gets darker. That is a principle in life most get accustom to. A loneliness one can feel while surrounded by others. Let us look into that before speaking about the more profound circumstances we face as a species.

Loneliness still hurts more than anything else. If people are told to do what everyone else does when they don’t agree with it then it becomes hard to know what is right to feel. The truth to that ends up being quite selfish. Do what you believe is right and someday you will meet others that feel the same. Loneliness exists just try your best not to let it change who you are.

Such a feeling of isolation often leads to terrible disasters. — 1. The person will do anything to fit in. 2. Others use lonely people to convert them from normal citizens to radicals. 3. They tend to believe what they are told instead of standing up. — Loneliness is one of many things that bring about the dissolution of civilization. How do others combat it?

Find the strings of our hearts and weave them together. The only way to change this is by being there for those that need you. Sometimes it isn’t a choice we willingly make. However small this step is it can be the thing that brings another person back from the edge. We have all been there at the edge of our wits without a clear view of the future. Be a friend to the ones in need because it is a long way down.

We are crashing from the highs,
Artificial and far from the Earth,
Nowhere to go just down, down,
Down. Heart in our throats
We don’t know where to step.
Falling in reverse, changing the story.

Reach your hand out at the cliff.
Console my burning pain until tears
Extinguish the flame. I have many fears
Constricting my heart until it’s stiff.

If only a kind hand could cross the veil
Of eternal night. My fate soon will seal.

     We can’t avoid what has happened so from today live a little better. See the heart strings cross boundaries that were until now unseen. Love for others might seem hard but open the path between yourself and another. Can be one or many just watch how close you get, respect their hearts and yours, and see what comes. One can love others as friends to save them.

Truth be told that I wasn’t sure what to say except in a poem reverberating deep within. . .

The moment I felt the true world
Return to me I looked at the night sky.
Stars were stars except now they
Gained a greater existence. Runes
Carved into place for all to see.
Do they light the way back home?

Magic of hearts and runes of starlight
Bless a road I have reached at. I just might. . .

See what awaits us beyond the past.

A Heart’s Reset

I took the time and built something
I thought would last. Every choice
A mistake because I lost my face
In the mirror. A bell unable to ring.

Recreate what is inside and fail.
Well I lost my way in a fairy tale.

Please forgive me. I know I was never
Good enough to put my fears to rest.
They crept upon me bringing darkness
Upon blue skies. My heart tears apart
Like a love note a young boy never sent.
Or maybe the tears he cried, he was rejected
Because he wasn’t good enough at the time.
Love evaded him for so long until a day came
Where someone saw something in him.
She left so quickly as if a cherry blossom
Making him miss her even more. He
quickly amassed love stories but no path.
None of them stayed by his side.
Now a man he still cries the nights away
Wishing he never ever knew love.
Made amends with an old love just to
Find himself unable to stay. How ironic?

I am him, lost inside of my own heart
Without a compass to lead me home.

Every memory replays in my head
Like punishment for how I lived.
How can I atone? The answer thrived
Deep in me. Find a path that I can tread.

Send me back home as my heart
Goes supernova. I must face
My own demons to be free again.
I walked away so I learn to smile
Because life is too short. I’m sorry.
My heart needs to start over. . .