Tag: Choices

Accepting the Earth

by Desnei, posted in Activist, Poetry

All the arrows shatter to a volley of bullets. Is this peace
Or a charade? From their plans to their coup de grâce.

Iron gritting against stone. Each spark is a dream
More like a blossom caught by the howling wind.
We’ve fallen behind the line drawn in our bodies
To dictate between what’s real and what we feel.

I followed the lessons I’ve been taught to see with new eyes.
They analyze what has materialized before me. Of blue skies
And broken hearts I try to concentrate on my life that defies.

The crystalline towers reaching skyward deceive your intentions.
If the only way out is running. . .I don’t want out. We must face
Our own monsters or history will repeat. What we can’t erase
Must be the truth but we’ll never know until we face our demons.

The battlefield between Heaven and Hell, glorious ideals,
Is fought on Earth. I took to the blade with no understanding
To why I cut down where Hell grows. What happens to here
When one side finally wins? I’ll pick the Earth and its flaws.

I tried to live in the maelstrom that never, ever made landfall.
From this day I see a break of light in the darkened sky above.

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To Face This Life

by Desnei, posted in A City of Glass, Activist, Rise of the First Blight
Still working on my first novella little by little. Everyday I find myself thinking about the plot. At a point I needed a break from writing it. The problem was created when I asked myself very honest questions. For example:
 
What is best for a person to do?
 
To lose yourself in the duty of others; to do what is expected of yourself; to live for something greater. I understand these points of view but I seek so much more. The closest to truth I found is in a quote from Gautama Buddha.
 
“Your purpose in life is to find your purpose and give your whole heart and soul to it.”
 
In the novella a man makes a promise to never resort to violence like the people who destroyed the life he once had. The friend he promised that to dies in his arms before he could tell her his true feelings. His world keeps turning on him but for this promise he’ll keep living on.
 
I started wondering about what that would feel. Reality will set in and each day will just get harder than the last. The truth is I am unsure if I could keep my word. True love stays around forever. She left a mark on him that cannot be erased. What if he uses violence to protect those hurt? Truthfully humanity talks in ideals. The truth should be unprecedented but simple like breathing.
The novella started teaching me more about life. I decided that maybe I need to understand much more before this novella can be. My poetry took root during that time of indecision. The plot of the novella haunted me each time I started to write. Life started creating more struggles for me to overcome. I lost a lot of things and thought I’d never recover.
Many of these lost things weren’t selfish. Strength of my muscles declining, body pain, and faith in what I promised to loved ones. I silenced my voice because I’m ready for the fight of a lifetime. To write about love and never reach it. . .to hold the hand of someone who wants to stay. Nobody will help me reach the girl I truly love and at least she tells me she truly loves me too. Every day I traverse leads me closer.
Will she or eternity catch me first?
Everyone tells me to enjoy what I have. I’m living in stasis, a pale dream of the greater whole. I try learning new things, dreaming of a happy day, believing time is on my side, and realizing I lie to myself. These lies ate everything I am. Until I can break free from them I’ll never understand how the novella ends. The pain keeps me from writing sometimes. And now I know why.
Life wants me to act even if I’m scared. FUCK IT, I WILL CHASE WHAT I BELIEVE IN UNTIL MY FINAL BREATH.
sa;bdry

The Grand Judge v. Desnei

by Desnei, posted in Fantasy, Fiction, Poetry, Rise of the First Blight

A man who lost his life and turned into something called the Grand Judge had a very rough existence. He never knew his parents due to a terrorism attack at the hospital he was born. The government discarded him into an orphanage with no funding until a wealthy couple adopted him. They treated him more like a slave than a kid by never giving him an education.

Ultimately an elderly butler taught the kid to read. They spent hours talking about the glorious world out there. One day the adoptive father fired the man for what he did. The man asked to adopt the kid because this wasn’t right for them to do. After consideration he accepted the offer at a considerable monetary cost.

They walked across town to a house on the outskirts. He taught the kid a lot but his health kept declining. A sickness crept in and robbed the kind man of his life. Eventually the government took custody again sending him into the military as a child soldier. This one journey in life taught so much pain and hate to an already hurt human.

He hung himself. . .

Desnei met a lot of tragedy as well. He never took his own life but life tortured him in so many ways. Many of the events that lead Desnei into the darkest side of his world create the series Rise of the First Blight. He lives in a world created by the Grand Judge (after he lost his humanity by playing god for millions of years).

Desnei is the last hope for the Grand Judge to finally change his heart. . .

“Treacherous burner of the tapestry of fate,
I spent eons creating a perfect civilization
Where pain doesn’t exist. Only destruction
Followed their births. All the suffering I hate.

Why would you forsake my final grand plan?
With a single thought I could start over again.”

“What do you have to hate? The tears and blood
We spill have nothing to do with you. If your flood
Clears the slate we won’t vanish from where we stood.

Each civilization you destroyed remains within.
What are you running from? It cannot be us all.”

“I’m no god. I was just a man that gave up.
When I was given a choice I just ran far away
And the choice caught me. Given my wish
Because I must learn of something new.”

“Maybe that life isn’t something you can choose.
Life has been and will be. Are you afraid to lose?”

“I already lost. A cruel world where I didn’t belong
Lost me with a little rope. The world was so wrong.”

“I pity you. Did no one ever show you a little heart from the start?”

sa;bdry

Of These True Desires

by Desnei, posted in Poetry

Realities collapse. Those who have traversed the void
Of endless possibilities understand that there is a road
One must take to understand oneself. Not led by a goad.

Walking down a lonely hallway, but the mind opens a gate
To a metaphysical plane where your thoughts can manifest.
How do you see this world? Events ultimately leave their mark
And you’ll never be the same. On the inside, are you still okay?

You might walk on by but you’ll never hide that metaphysical scar
Born from weakness. Do you hide it behind your false strength
Or tell yourself that pain should be forgotten? It exists for a reason.
When life feels dark there’s light to be found. Season by season
Choices are made and consequences are met. The length
You walk in life isn’t a set number. Face it to find your own lodestar.

What I see will never give any light to the demons you’ve created.
I understand that I’ll never break through the barrier you generated.
That doesn’t mean I won’t try. Everything I chase isn’t out of desire
But compassion. I want to bring a storm to your heart that’s on fire.

Crossing the planes of existence just to say I love you. . .

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If tomorrow is darkness would yesterday be illuminated?

by Desnei, posted in Activist, Poetry

Footprints in the mud after the snow has melted away are easily lost with the tides of time.

In the darkness they wander around.
Their ears heard a familiar sound.

A past lover? Their old hearts? The virus inside
Cannot be stopped for there’s no longer a cure.
Events of yesterday resonate. Of this I’m sure.
Caught in regret, undertow where hearts reside.

If tomorrow is darkness would yesterday be illuminated?

The light, it can burn if we ever find ourselves too close.
With some distance and patience we can plant a rose.

Sometimes the light haunts when others try moving on
And their days begin to waste away. Every road out
Blocked by memories that will never fade. Be strong.
They can feel more like monsters that invoke hysteria.

I’m no stranger to those monsters. They stand in my way
From time to time. Someday I’ll find all the words to say.

Like how I just did what I thought was best. All these tears
Both sides have shed linger with me each and every day
Even when I try to forget. And that’s just the price I’ll pay
To the ferryman. Charon, take me away from these piers.

Although the footprints disappeared the memories never do. They can turn into fondness or regret so easily. Sometimes they dictate the path we take in life. Are you lost chasing after a smile or a mistake? Don’t get too lost in what’s said and done but never forget what brought you here. Keep moving forward.

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The Darklight Trinity (Existence + Effect = Data)

by Desnei, posted in Activist, Poetry

An exuberant feeling washes over what I once
Was. The heart in me suffocated, asphyxiated,
Until I found a deeper truth. The Darklight Trinity.
This equation written on the edge of shadows.

When existence blooms, evidence traveling outwards;
Meet me at the horizon where information accumulates.

Can we dance there? Behind the starlight and pale moonlight
A beautiful symphony plays. In these eyes the sound enters
Her being til understanding unravels. After endless Winters
Hearts have grown so cold but hope remains true every night.

An equation that can either bring hope or despair. In my eyes
The thoughts have illuminated deep. Others found themselves
Lost among the radiance as if they were kept in the shadows.

To dance on the critical mass of information traversing time and space
Or to run away into the empty darkness of dead stars. Create or erase.

Just choose. . .

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To Be Free is to Choose

by Desnei, posted in Activist, Poetry

Existence has no chains at all for a beast to tighten
Yet, the beast can loosen what was already there.
An entirely new story through a choice can be written.

That’s the beauty in being. Every single choice holds
Another universe in place at its roots. My only strength
To make my way through all these entangled events;
A noose hugging my neck. There is no certainty here.

I never know if I will be safe. Little lies can comfort
Me like they do for everyone else until I walk away.
A missed heartbeat, a step from a chair, a sway
On a cliff ~ I can’t let my dreams be a last resort.

Life can come undone as quickly as spun thread.
Should calipers cut it or should it unwind instead?

I’ll spend my whole being weaving the tapestry unseen.
My life isn’t mine to lead but to witness and to create
A story that only I can tell. Not for society, not for humanity,
Not for faith; I might be unaffiliated with others but I’m free.

chao
Existence has no set path for the Universe is but a forest. . .

The Fallen (Found but Lost)

by Desnei, posted in Poetry

Walking through the darkness never seen
By the masses. This Valley of Death between
What we know and what we never ever will.
We aren’t clairvoyant or eternal yet hearts fill.

Hearts fill with what we give and take. The ebb
Of a river that we can’t control yet we strive
For the best. In the undertow we won’t drown.

Are we dead before the final breath or the first?
Such thoughts plague my mind as I ball my fist
And bite my tongue. The truth I can’t ever resist.

This undeserving heart witnessed a light that never fades
No matter how many years pass on by. I will remember it.

A dark night where the stars shine through a small forest
Above a little campfire. A day my heart could finally rest.

Since that day I’ve been oh so restless thinking about my worth
In this big world. Am I living on borrowed time and wasting it all
On nothing important? I hate this feeling! I could do more but I fall
Every single time I try my best. I will rise up again to find my worth.

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Lost in the World by axcy

Unto the Darkness We Made

by Desnei, posted in Activist, Poetry

The molten metal fuses with twisted magics
And awakens. A serpent entangling lost souls,
Baring its fangs at this world, haunting the night,
And preying on the dearly departed. We forgot. . .

That the darkness stems from within and spreads
Like wildfire. What we give life through our deeds.

Ravenous monsters crossing between reality and dreams.
What we are so obviously blind to rips away at the seams.

All the pain, all the hate, all the lies to keep a false safety
Paint the human existence black with ignorance. Remedy
This affliction of self-torture. Pure hearts are now greedy.

In death we believe there will be peace. For the sinfully blind?
These actions have consequences that will find a way to remind.

I prepare for a fight. We have all failed in some way and the truth won’t fade away with a sip from the river Lethe. Nothing will ever erase what happened lest we lose who we are.

darky
The shadows of ignorance we cast will disperse and the unseen will finally be seen. . .

The River Calls Out

by Desnei, posted in Poetry

Roaring rapids permeate the forest’s tranquility.
A sense of adventure entices me to seek
And witness true beauty. It’s hidden behind
The veil of this world, so far from greedy hands.

I wander the forest called Earth where souls
Planted like seeds take root and flourish.
Something beautiful is beyond the selfish
Nature residing within a young soul’s shoals.

One day a hurricane will decimate this internal facade.
Least that’s what we hope for someday before we fade.

Some souls scared me but I stared into the darkness
Without looking back. It resides in us all. I won’t run away.
To accept it is to move forward, to deny it is to fall back;
Let the truth wash you in uncertainty and drown you.

I keep on following a path through the selfish and selfless,
The sinful, believing that the journey will be worth it someday.
It has been. I have felt hurt and I have failed to find my own way
Inside the forest. A thunderous sound calls. The river is restless.

I’ll drink deep the clear untainted waters, scream out my lungs; wake
From the nightmare slumber and shiver in the bitter truth we make.

The heart and mind, idealistic and realistic. . .a helix soul.

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Crystal Waterfalls by AnnaArmona