Tag: Remembrance

Summerday Serenade

by Desnei, posted in Poetry

In a crowd of many people
I hear not a single voice.
They speak but a choice
Made them unable to stifle
My senses. Unity was never
What I craved for. A clever
Deceit hiding my heart’s temple.

The sea of unknown faces
Rises and crashes into me.
I sink under the tides to drown
Because I feel rejected and lost.
Will they forget me if I disappear?
Paradoxes created in my head
Sing me to sleep and death someday.
But I swim toward the sunlight
In belief that living is better than dying.
A harsher reality hits me in the jaw.

“WELCOME TO THE MASQUERADE”

A city of liars and thieves on the heights.
They come for a fight and another trip
When I break the lines they worship.
Turn the safety off and line up the sights.

The enemies are everywhere. They hide
From the light to stab us in the back. Ride
Daylight until it fades and at night stay inside.

I’m not strong enough to fight forever.
On the darkest of nights betrayal
Pierced into my heart. I had to sever
A bond I gave everything to. Denial
Kept me from acting earlier, my bad.
Love is something precious. I was sad
Until her lies surfaced. It was trivial.

Being alone taught me so much and
Gave me time to sort out the past. Sand
In an hourglass might never go in reverse
But an unsettled past can become a curse.

“FIND A REASON OR FADE AWAY”

Living to fight? I never wanted that.
Lies exist but they can’t conceal the truth
No matter how much time passes.
I decided to write but the motivation
Wasn’t there. Found myself in the dark.
Heartbeat speeds up, sweat drips; fear.

My past collided with me like a Big Bang.
A friend I turned on for a deceitful romance
Who returned to start again. Without someone
Lying to me I agreed. A kindness abused
Shouldn’t be the death of a friendship.
She became my Summerday Serenade.

In two lines is eternity:

You are my Summerday, a whole lifetime
Given to someone. Hearts that rhyme.
sa;bdry

Runes Carved into the Sky

by Desnei, posted in Poetry, Short Story

Magic, a flight of fancy to most
But something of great beauty,
Weaves together the strings
Of our hearts. Close your eyes to see.

     We have been standing at borderlines wondering when things will change. Tears have been shed and lives have been lost in these moments of hysteria. When everything comes to an end we are left with the shards of what we once had. The whole world shattered apart like a picture frame dropped on the floor.

It is impossible to get back what is lost. Our hearts plead and beg for the past to return. When time is an arrow we can’t reclaim a state of before or after just now. We could argue what is the best course of action or we can deal with the immediate problem.

The media wants it to be an issue not a tragedy. When we divide instead of coming together we have lost. We’ve been hypnotized. Show a little heart not your pride when pushed to the line. A strong tower crumbles down harder but love never burns through the fires of war. Change the strategy if you desire victory.

War will not fix the wound Humanity shares. When people don’t see the light in others the world surely gets darker. That is a principle in life most get accustom to. A loneliness one can feel while surrounded by others. Let us look into that before speaking about the more profound circumstances we face as a species.

Loneliness still hurts more than anything else. If people are told to do what everyone else does when they don’t agree with it then it becomes hard to know what is right to feel. The truth to that ends up being quite selfish. Do what you believe is right and someday you will meet others that feel the same. Loneliness exists just try your best not to let it change who you are.

Such a feeling of isolation often leads to terrible disasters. — 1. The person will do anything to fit in. 2. Others use lonely people to convert them from normal citizens to radicals. 3. They tend to believe what they are told instead of standing up. — Loneliness is one of many things that bring about the dissolution of civilization. How do others combat it?

Find the strings of our hearts and weave them together. The only way to change this is by being there for those that need you. Sometimes it isn’t a choice we willingly make. However small this step is it can be the thing that brings another person back from the edge. We have all been there at the edge of our wits without a clear view of the future. Be a friend to the ones in need because it is a long way down.

We are crashing from the highs,
Artificial and far from the Earth,
Nowhere to go just down, down,
Down. Heart in our throats
We don’t know where to step.
Falling in reverse, changing the story.

Reach your hand out at the cliff.
Console my burning pain until tears
Extinguish the flame. I have many fears
Constricting my heart until it’s stiff.

If only a kind hand could cross the veil
Of eternal night. My fate soon will seal.

     We can’t avoid what has happened so from today live a little better. See the heart strings cross boundaries that were until now unseen. Love for others might seem hard but open the path between yourself and another. Can be one or many just watch how close you get, respect their hearts and yours, and see what comes. One can love others as friends to save them.

Truth be told that I wasn’t sure what to say except in a poem reverberating deep within. . .

The moment I felt the true world
Return to me I looked at the night sky.
Stars were stars except now they
Gained a greater existence. Runes
Carved into place for all to see.
Do they light the way back home?

Magic of hearts and runes of starlight
Bless a road I have reached at. I just might. . .

See what awaits us beyond the past.
Typography-Change-The-World-Mahatma-Gandhi-Quotes-1920x1080

A Heart’s Reset

by Desnei, posted in Poetry

I took the time and built something
I thought would last. Every choice
A mistake because I lost my face
In the mirror. A bell unable to ring.

Recreate what is inside and fail.
Well I lost my way in a fairy tale.

Please forgive me. I know I was never
Good enough to put my fears to rest.
They crept upon me bringing darkness
Upon blue skies. My heart tears apart
Like a love note a young boy never sent.
Or maybe the tears he cried, he was rejected
Because he wasn’t good enough at the time.
Love evaded him for so long until a day came
Where someone saw something in him.
She left so quickly as if a cherry blossom
Making him miss her even more. He
quickly amassed love stories but no path.
None of them stayed by his side.
Now a man he still cries the nights away
Wishing he never ever knew love.
Made amends with an old love just to
Find himself unable to stay. How ironic?

I am him, lost inside of my own heart
Without a compass to lead me home.

Every memory replays in my head
Like punishment for how I lived.
How can I atone? The answer thrived
Deep in me. Find a path that I can tread.

Send me back home as my heart
Goes supernova. I must face
My own demons to be free again.
I walked away so I learn to smile
Because life is too short. I’m sorry.
My heart needs to start over. . .
sa;bdry

Goodbye: A Wish

by Desnei, posted in Poetry

I await here succumbed by the dark.
Shadows swallowed, forms merged,
Hearts laid to rest, and yet tears still lurk.
The stars shining on the last tide forged.

The words spoke from fear circumvent
In my ears like screams left unheard.
Voyage to my core, I must see what hurt
More. Walking away or trying to repent?

We had seen the walls begin to build.
The cups, our hearts, were finally filled.

When you hear the world then heed it.
I would never want you to regret our love.
And for that you must be ready to forget
What we had made. Please just forgive
Me because this hurts but I don’t regret.

Darkness had set on my eyes.
Days in the Sun awaiting the shade
As a respite from what had been made.
A day I saw the glitter leave your eyes.

I welcomed the coming nightfall.
Find your path as I start to find my own.
We must before the birds call.

Time is moving, the Earth is turning;
We are caught in an eternal dance.
The rhythm stays the same,
But not always in the way we want.
I truly did try to be there.
In truth I was your stepping stone
Leading you from a little puddle
To a midnight pond. Cast a stone
Much like a wish into the unknown,
When the dark bursts into light.

It might be really hard now but we will survive
Because in life sometimes you should take a dive.

sa;bdry

What It Means

by Desnei, posted in Poetry

You told me those few words:
“If you must see then just go.
Nothing I say will save you.”
A kindness that forges swords.

In this lonely world I walk to the line.
My heavy feet stumbling and tripping.
Time shifts as I move along. It’s fine,
This paradigm has been constantly moving.

A freedom to chase, a memory to fade.
I couldn’t hold you or stop the serenade
That ripped straight through your chest.
Break this bond before I destroy the rest.

That moment of clarity will be frayed.
Some things need to change and others are stubborn.
You are that stubborn. All sanity washes away,
We walk into the dark hand in hand once more.

I could’ve walked away but I got near
Because from here I can wipe away every tear.

We chased the stars then fell back.
In a free fall we had to make a choice
That we might regret. Look at my face,
I’m scared but I’m here to stay.

sa;bdry

A Friend Betrayed

by Desnei, posted in Poetry

At the feet of some great calamity
All we could do was bow and surrender.
Lost the fight, strife remained. Questions
About tomorrow hovered before us
And answers were things never offered.

Foul intent imprisoned our hearts
In iron cages that no one ever departs.

Our enemy accepted as a brother, tongue bit.
It created a Kingdom as we danced to the tune it had set.
With fear in our eyes we watched it like a God
But awaited for the end of this reign. It never did.

A million civilizations created and a million erased in our heads,
Perfection kept out of reach. These sins never forgotten,
Left unredeemed, will never leave.

Words awaited inside but the time is late.
These things are better left unsaid,
Ya know the way we barter time. Afraid
If we step out of line that the weight
Of the world will bear down and never fade.
In truth it’s what we hide and made,
A monster devouring both love and hate.

This monster is us. You and I, every time
We fight to survive. These are the rules of this game.
Rise to fall, fall to rise; we’re caught in a rhyme.

sa;bdry

I stand with Humanity, my brothers and sisters

by Desnei, posted in Art
Created with Microsoft Fresh Paint
“A Drowning Cry”

I write about a lot of worlds with evil. Some of the horrors are quite excruciating and pitiless. My mind must find a way to understand how the characters react. Life doesn’t give a simple choice. Some of us will seek revenge, some will face sorrow, some will break apart, and some will rise from the ashes like a phoenix. I learned most of these paths from living my own life.

A lot of things in life can hurt. Some things penetrate further into the heart than others. I opened up my heart to every point of view I can. The sorrow is too much but I can’t neglect other people. Everyone cries out for understanding. I will do all that I can to make sure that I help whoever I can. The fire in my heart can relight other hearts that have been smothered. It’s my one mission:

Never let the cries of others go unheard.

A Motionless Dream; Part I, Chapter III

by Desnei, posted in Short Story

Falling endlessly through darkness. All thoughts of grandeur vanish, time slows down, and I remember the past. My mind escapes from reality to see the past as if the darkness is just merely a theater for my memories. Suddenly I wonder real fast about what’s wrong with me. I feel so numb about the possibility of dying. Screams can’t save anyone. If the end comes I need some answers before everything goes dark forever. I fell down a hole to jump through the rabbit hole straight into my mind’s reservoir.

I awoke in a motionless dream. . .

A beat of my heart echoes down into the depths of my chest. In it’s resounding it finds a way to travel ever deeper. I cry deep inside trying to understand why. The world cursed me and forbade me from the peace I longed for. Every beat of my heart is a scream for life. Peace remains just out of reach. My rib cage has been made up with knives sharpened by my breath. I’m preparing for a battle with my own demons to calm the rising tide in my veins. If memory serves right on the day when the calmness died my vision turned red. Anger and rage consumed everything else. I tried to sleep it off but it remained. That single day changed everything.

My best friend, her name eludes me now, called me up. She saw something strange in me like a brewing darkness, a premonition, something to fear. I cried for hours on the phone. My shirt’s collar filled up with tears. It strangled me with the realization that I created my own pain. She told me to meet here at the cafe that was only a few blocks away. I turned down her offer. My face is all red, eyes are puffy, and I felt like shit. She insisted on getting out of my apartment. I faked like I didn’t care about that and needed some sleep more. I hung up on her and texted her a sleepy emoji. She texted back a frown emoji. My heart beat reminded me that nothing was okay. I jumped in my bed, grabbed a pillow, placed the pillow over my face, screamed as loud as I could.

I laid there trying to sleep. Cars raced on by, radios rumbled through the air, and someone knocked on my door repeatedly. Anger raised ever further. I started biting on my lower lip until it bled. My mind tossed me around like a rag doll but I tried standing my ground to no avail. Every emotion I felt poured out of my heart like a roaring waterfall. What is a waterfall without water? A cliff that my hands have clung to in an attempt not to fall. I stifled back every tear my eyes tried conjuring up. I didn’t possess the strength for holding up against those waters. My mind reminded me that this is a flight of fantasy not reality. One would think that should’ve made this a lot easier but the truth doesn’t do much by itself. My heart abandoned the truth creating demons in the dark who constantly circle me like vultures to rotten meat.

The person knocked on my door again. I jumped up. I was fed up with whoever this was. I stopped caring and wanted time alone. My fists shook from my anger. She called out my name.  A part of me shattered under the weight of my friend’s words. I placed my hand on the wall next to my door. She called my name again.

“Hey, I should’ve know you would come over here. I really didn’t want to talk about it. You knew that. Why did you still come? I’m grateful you did though Holl’.” I cried a little as I forced up those words.

“Feeling so bad you can’t open the door? You’re my friend. I’ll talk to you even if the barrier is real. Is this the same barrier in our minds? A door we can open but refuse to see the doorknob.”

“I think you can still see it. The key is different. The key is made from yourself only when you’re willing.”

“And you aren’t willing?”

“No.” gently tears rolled down my cheeks, “Life caught up to me. I tried running from it. It never stops even for a second. Everyone fights it but sometimes you can’t fight the truth.”

“Stop fighting. We all need to surrender once in a while. It doesn’t kill us to admit we aren’t as strong as we’d like to think. You aren’t this type of person. You are the friend who loves to go to the coast and look at some hot guys then watch the sunset. I remember the day you nearly had a heart attack because a crab touched you. I laughed so hard at you then you stormed away all red. You swore you’d never talk to me again. That didn’t last long.” Holly started laughing at the memory.

“It was dark. And how could I say nothing to you about those lifeguards?”

“Most chicks don’t say, huh what was it again. Oh yeah! I’d drown on his big c. . .”

“Whoa, stop! The neighbors can hear you.”

“I can’t help you are a slut.”

“I can’t help that you don’t know when to shut up.”

“I can’t help you won’t let me in.”

“I can’t help that I’m. . .”

“That’s right. You can help  yourself feel differently. Just open the door. I really know I can get you to go to the cafe.”

“You better not scream something weird when I let you in.”

“Me? Nevah!”

“Uh huh.” I lowered my hand to the doorknob and turned it.

Holly barged right into my room. She tackled me to the ground. We cried for a little while. People from the apartment gathered around the opened door. We looked at them then each other. Holly smirked at me like she had a really great idea. She whispered to me that she was sorry then kissed me.

“I missed you my lesbian lover!” Holly shouted that so loud that a few people walked away but a few watched more intensely.

“I uh, what?”

“We haven’t talked in forever. I love you!” she closed the door.

“I’m not a lesbian.”

“I know that. You know that. They don’t. Are you coming? Either we stay here and those men attempt to eavesdrop and get a peek or we go to the cafe. I told you I had a plan.” she winked at me.

“You’re a crazy bitch.”

“It takes one to know one hun.”

“Fine! I’ll go with you. I really am more concerned about what my neighbors think now than wanting to be sad. You’re not allowed to come here ever again. I mean it.” we laughed knowing I’ll forget even that soon enough.

Tears flow down my face. I truly forgot about all of this. Holly, she is a friend that would do anything for anyone. Kindness is in her nature. What happened? How did I get to this other world? I am so happy to know I haven’t forgot who I am. She stayed around after everyone else left. She knows me better than I know myself still. What would she say about now? Oh yeah, “That monster we ain’t got in Jersey I tell you that fa sho.” If I get back home I need to slap her for making me go outside.
sa;bdry

The Truth Found Inside

by Desnei, posted in Who I Am

I decided to make a more personal post. Most of the people who read this blog know me only partially from what I write. I can’t say I know myself that well either. If we were to talk about my deeds I’m not much of a person. I’ll sacrifice my own joy for others. My choices haven’t always been the best for myself.

No reason can truly elaborate upon why. I have falsified my own self to make sure a friend never saw me in pain. Love is a very powerful weapon. When is it too much or too little? I am horrible at figuring that out. I wasted a lot of my years chasing love without understanding myself. My heart was a powder keg back then. Sometimes I wonder if it is still able to explode like in the past. What even lit the fuse? Lies, jealousy, and fear make a lot of sparks.

Six years ago I didn’t think much about right and wrong. Life went on by like it always had before. I tried my chance at love and failed miserably. I couldn’t keep a promise and never brought it up until it was way too late. Times have changed. I couldn’t lie if I tried but others still do and most times I say nothing even when I see their deception. My life showed me that it isn’t as simple as it seems. Sometimes things scare us, catch us by surprise, burden us, and hurt us. I don’t blame anyone for hiding from the truth I just hope they find it before too many bridges burn.

Jealousy sets in very easily. I see the good in me, I truly do, but sometimes I feel I can’t keep up with other guys. Never have I told a lover to leave her friends for me. A man has to be very petty if he resorts to those measures. I really have never found a way to combat this feeling. My jealousy and fear are intertwined. I fear that I’ll never live up to what somebody else wants. Despite my fear I keep pushing forward. Some people prove the fear right but I learned I can do better. I will keep improving myself with everyday for the right girl. She’ll deserve the best I can be.

Most of those emotions are superficial. I really value creativity, beautiful minds, and uniqueness far more than anything else. I look at the world with a much more magical fascination. Everything amazes me. People call me childish sometimes because I see more than anyone else does. I don’t think that’s the case. If I were to be narrow in my views I wouldn’t feel like me. I still value my dreams over anything else. Nothing else defines me as much as this paragraph does.

This is me. I go by the alias Desnei when my name is Donnie J. Nelson. My mind loves chasing grand thoughts, my heart burns red hot, my body is here to warm those that I love, my soul looks for ways to better itself, and I live this life. The truth found inside is that I am a compassionate person although I never show it often.

sa;bdry

Saetaria, the Storm and Me ~ Prologue

by Desnei, posted in Saetaria

I am all that I am and no more and no less. My name is Samael Horus Ophari. I live mostly by myself in a castle that was once my father’s. Two people try their best to keep me from falling apart and feeling useless. I wish this story could be about how my friends help me take the throne and save my country from utter destruction. I was too late. The world moved forward when I stood still in my own blindness. I lost everything I cared about. My words aren’t here to mourn what was lost but to explain my part in a revolution.

Who shot the first bullet? I did. I scoffed at the idea of getting my hands dirty but these hands were dirty since my first breath. I fell from an ivory tower. I believed the whole world wanted me to succeed. My thoughts were too narrow. The world I created is merely a catwalk from my safety into the fray. It’s crazy how I constructed a place so I could rest my head and it burned up in the atmosphere. I landed intact on the surface without my protective shell.

I watched my people succumb to an evil man. My father listened to threats when he only tried his best for the people. No one speaks up when true evil exists. Fear drives the wedge between righteous and murderous ideals. I have wanted to turn back the hands of time for one last glimpse at my father. He would know what to do. Nobody knows what is good until the day that goodness goes missing. My father inspired other nations into following suit in an economical reboot that placed focus on developing countries rather than thriving ones. A speech he gave the day before his assassination stays with me:

“Our duty isn’t to our singular beliefs. As leaders we must instill the will to carry the ideals of our nations. The figurative baton has been passed to us in this room. Do we neglect the generations of good people that came before us? I could never do that. My nation, Dragacia, faced a massive change after our prior monarch died.

He took advantage of the good people, threatened the world at large, unjustly taxed people until they could barely eat, and started a genocide. Nobody did anything. The good people found themselves hurt or worse if they spoke against him. Neighboring countries accepted his rash choices and supported his genocide. A few people from the targeted party abandoned their lives and ran. I don’t know how long they ran, how many died, and how often they cursed everyone else but I do know they escaped.

They didn’t just escape! They made their own city. A city where people can be people without fear. That is an example of a utopia. We could create an utopia as well. Perfection is a falsity. I simply want us leaders to help create a world absent of fear for good people. Some people won’t make it easy. They’ll say we are policing too much, we don’t value them as people, and we’re the things that go bump in the night. The utopia for good people relies on us to hold a stern hand against those that wish to perpetuate an endless war. Let me say a few more lines.

We have fought enough wars against each other. Why? We have different beliefs but the same ideals. The times have changed. We need to toss away our old feuds if the same things still drive us. A better tomorrow. Does it drive you every morning to get up and try? Some people get up simply for money. They abandoned so much of their hearts that it has calloused itself shut. I beg every single one of you to take a file and break open the doors once more. Our purpose for ruling isn’t money, power, or anything substantial to ourselves but we rule for the people. I’ll dismantle Dragacia’s military industrial complex, aristocracy, and wasteful agencies. If I do this the people of Dragacia will prosper. A nation isn’t the government it’s the people. Let’s do something for them for a change.”

Somebody didn’t take kind to my father’s words. I walked back to the bedchambers with him. We struggled to understand if those word were heard. He placed me on my bed and read me a bedtime story. The story had a guy who wore a weird smile that nobody liked. Dad joked about one of the diplomat’s having the same smile. An underestimated smile capable of making any situation better. A man with a hood walked in and stabbed my dad a few times and walked away forever. My eyes enlarged and my heart dropped. I yelled for my dad to speak one last time. He did.

“Smile forever. . .my son. I love. . .you.” he slipped away from this world with those words.
sa;bdry