Tag: Trust

A Promise & Hope

by Desnei, posted in Poetry

Carrying the heavy tombstone of my people on my back
I make this pilgrimage towards the ruins of a holy city.
My tired body heaves their weight towards the final rest
And from that point on I’ll be free. “Free from what?”

The teachings resonate inside, I’ve retained.
I can’t hold even a candle to the light shone
Upon the darkness known as uncertainty. Alone
I stand testament because my heart’s stained.

Every step I take is mine. The dead are gone
Yet, I remain here carrying their sins to atone.

Would it be so wrong to etch my own tale?
The lows and highs of a life I can call mine.
Was I just that easy to mislead with wine,
The sweet disguise of the lies they sail.

“But I don’t mind. I carry the weight like a candle
Guiding me through the darkness.” I silently cry.
The love in my heart can’t ever be snuffed out.
I’ve accepted that sometimes turning back is hard,
If not impossible; this is why I make the pilgrimage.

“Ring a bell if I ever should return home.
The world has left me alone just to roam
Until I find my place on the Earth’s loam.”

For love keep a promise, for change keep hope.
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Tear Down the Wall Dividing Us

by Desnei, posted in Poetry, Song

Waiting on the day I can breathe once again.
Choked on the fumes of existence and dreams,
I can”t breathe the same air as long as I remain
Living. Every time I try all I can hear are screams.

Is that the imprint left from mankind,
An inability to accept falling behind?

The idea that a wall exists dictating productive
From obsolete. Life should never be quantified
Yet, I still find my own heart to be quite ineffective
When the truth is seen: We’re divided not unified.

Trying my best they dissect and analyze.
We’re no longer trying to relate anymore.
This predatory game played only hurts us.

Don’t betray another for the lies you’ve been fed
For this world has seen much despair in our stead.

Misdirection

by Desnei, posted in Poetry

Stepping to the line that divides what I knew
From what I learned. The reality I have now
Might be a travesty in the eyes of the few.
At a point in the past I would wonder how.

Did I really care that much I’d judge myself?
Their words caught and placed me on a shelf.

My hands that can’t build or destroy a palace
Don’t play any role on this lonely island
Planet. What more can you want from me?
I gave my everything and still fell down.
We have grown but these scars remain
Making me believe I’m useless.
The strength I use to live is stolen
Because I don’t have any left.

One more bad dice roll from being forgotten.
I bet everyone would like that, to forget my sin
Then move on like I was never even here.
I see that daily. The truth has been clear
So I’ll try my best to live a lie with some reason.
What has hurt me will someday be forgotten.

Will I ever be able to live in your world?
I’ll always be there but I’m not that cold.

We won’t see eye to eye when you hate
Me for being what you can’t be.
The pain I fought through resonates
And trust me you’d never want a taste.
Fear consuming all that I am.

I’m so far gone since that fateful day
When you marked me. Shaken
My faith in this life I’ve taken.
The self hate that I will no longer say.

I have often questioned what I don’t like and why. My mind tries to understand every point of view for justification purposes. (Often that means forgiving horrendous acts because the person did what they thought was truly right even when they were misled.) Most people wouldn’t want to cross that line because they may never be able to find their way back. I’m positive I lost myself.

I can justify the worst actions but not mine. By judging myself too harshly I fail to find much meaning in the life I lead. Wish I could. The only tethers I have to this life are my friends even though they probably just pity me. “What do they really think of me?” haunts my mind when talking to them. If I started crying would they even know that THIS is why. There is an emptiness inside I will always hide.

The days slip by with me trying to do anything constructive. My hands slip before I ever become anything substantial. Others judge my failed efforts making me feel entirely useless. I can’t be them. I still try to be though! This is what can’t be justified. If I ever want to truly fight my own battle I need to tune out everyone else. I’m learning how to be the best man I can be.

Talk to me and you’ll never see the pain I harbor. Never believed anyone would help me so I never asked. Years went by I still remained quiet. People said I was either stupid or mean which I loathed with my whole being. No one expected anything from me. Where are my friends now? They’re moving on when my feet refuse to do the same. Will any of them reach out to see if I’m alright? Maybe they just gave up on me.

I made new friends who remind me  that this whole thing is wrong. I’m doing the best I can in a tough situation. The words of others affect me more because I am self conscious after everything that has happened to me. My mind never stops analyzing giving myself a different perspective that others have a tough time relating. I found people who take the time. Everything is starting to look up.
sa;bdry

Never Let This Fade Away

by Desnei, posted in Poetry

Grand schemes direct the mannequins
Like an orchestra. Sent to chase the light,
Can they see their folly in denying a gift?
I’m not unlike them with all these sins.

We have all let others down in the past
And maybe today as well. I won’t say
Any excuses because this is the way it is
If we never push away from what we know.
The faith given to me melted away as snow
When this Winter ends. Seasons in this
Mind of mine follow no set rules. Decay
Eternalized. I search for a Spring to last.

A place where life never ends. My fantasy
Translates into a dream eternal. I shiver
From the icy betrayal of life, a dagger
In my back. How do I say forever this easy?

I knew nothingness before life. How can there be more?
Let these memories remain if anything. To God I swore.

The things I forget are many. Will her face fade away?
Tears fall from my eyes for I’m afraid to lose this.
Sinful is my heart aching in hunger of the truth
As it rips asunder the world I know. Am I even alive?

I knew nothingness before life. How can there be more?
Let these memories remain if anything. To God I swore.

Neuroses plague me as a flock of demons circling like vultures.
I’m far beyond Heaven and Hell now. Light is the carefree mind,
Darkness is the cloudy mind; the primal forces are my chains.

I’ll love with this heart and fear with this mind.
A chaotic existence I live to see events rewind
Because I want to see that smile. A strong wind
Inside carries me forward. . .I can’t fall behind.
eternity

The Reason / Remembrance

by Desnei, posted in Who I Am

I remember you. The only words I can find since you left this world. Many details about you I will never know but, what I do know is the kindness you showed to me. You spoke about God often. The days we’d spend talking about Heaven being a grand tavern hosting an eternal festival. You gave the sunshine a purpose as a blessing light. I feel blessed by the light even now.

Can you feel your kindness carry on inside of me? I’ll give it to others like you did for me. If the world uses kindness then everyone might one day be blessed by the sunshine you showed me. Others don’t understand why I live the way I do. I know you wouldn’t question or disrespect my life choices.

They can think whatever they want as long as I keep going with a smile. When the going gets tough I get tougher but not until then. Preparing for the inevitable will never be my way to live because I understand life. Thank you for giving me the light I needed on the inside.

Let me be the radiance of God’s love. Maybe not the god you knew but the combined existence of everything. I’ll radiate the kindness you, a shard of God, taught me.
sa;bdry

Scarlet and Cyan Lines

by Desnei, posted in Poetry

Scarlet lines decorating the marble floor
When the eyes come out, the blind kin.
What they’ll tell you is naught but sin
Disguised. Just show them the door.

If you listen you’ll die before God comes
To rip every sinful fiber from your damned body.

What remains? Are you nothing but darkness?
Shadows casting where the throne sits;
Your heart of thorns must burn and to ash!
I called you a friend but you never could be.
You could never be me. The truth will slash
Through every lie ever made. Take hits
Until you feel fear inside absolute hopelessness.

But truthfully there is just us. God and the Devil
Get you second after me. Every lie you speak
Condemns you. Others will let you be. Not I.
Who told you it was alright to hurt others?
Not any god, not any man with a good heart;
By listening to the teachings of bad, evil men.
How could you have known what evil was
When evil is the norm? Greed is the true sin.

Please take what you need and stop, moderation.
We will find ourselves cleaner at the destination.

An army doesn’t scare me. Fill me with lead
If you must but more will rise to rebel. Eternal
Radiance will break through these long shadows.

Cyan lines trail down the cheeks of the loving kind
Who still believe in Humanity. We never fall behind,
We help those in need, we sacrifice our lives
For others, and we care. So put down the knives.

I’ll step in when you can no longer back down. . .
51464-national-honor-society-quotes

The Lotuses of Hades

by Desnei, posted in Poetry

Where are you? When the world burns
Your tender flesh. Still the world turns
And we move along chasing these Suns.

Caught in a facade, spiraling illusion,
Where memories fade. The waters of Lethe
Can’t compare to what we drink. Heavy
Is the burden as we give into erosion.

Yeah, cruelty and sorrow exist
But I’m begging you to resist.

I’ve spent my time in the rivers of Hades,
Steams of consciousness, to ponder life.
The truth I found haunts me like a ghost
In the dark. Nothing safe, nothing right;
Cerberus’s teeth ripping flesh from bone.

Five rivers – I will descend into darkness once again
If you ever lose your way home, the love we retain.
heart-on-fire

Finding the Words to Say

by Desnei, posted in Poetry

Where did the Summer blue
Drift off to, when the birds flew?

I can’t say I know anymore.
That’s the reason for my tears
Falling onto my cheeks. I’m sore
From all the rust on my gears.

Something changed deep inside my heart.
It feels like a darkness, the shadow
Of yesterday casting onto a blank wall,
And the memories go cold. Fear,
A demon tasting the wealth of blood
Pooling in these forgotten chambers.

Did I forget to say goodbye again?
In truth we both wait for the rain.

What have you lost? I should ask
Yet the distance feels great.
Would tomorrow be too late?
Helplessly watching day turn to dusk.

As the first star shines through the veil
Of night I’ll be thinking about this little tale.

dusk_forest_by_sclarke1991-d63rnsa
By Sclarke1991

Hydraxus Esi Derum / Hydrogen Delirium

by Desnei, posted in Poetry

Explosive vindication in the dark;
Sent to thrive on limited energy,
A death sentence. Write an elegy
Little birds flying in reality stark.
What you’ll never know refugee
About the world is lost in a reverie.
Find your way and disembark.

Standing in starlight you’ll be coy
But from that illumination comes joy.

The movement of photons from immense explosions
Bringing life to fertile ground. Toxic concentration,
Everything is set to pass away but the dawn is here.
How long will this cosmic play last? All the players
Abandoned the script in a justifiable madness.
Who was here to watch? Not a soul in the audience
Hearing the asides within this cave of illusions.

Hydraxus esi derum. Prophets seeing visions
In the scrying pool of elements. Hark to the truth
Aringing around thy self, gaze through the keyhole
Because the key’s lost. If you found your soul
Made of hydrogen would you burn? Of couth
And understanding we might make revisions.

Offered eternity or an eternal sacrifice,
It’s up in the air and so are the dice.
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The Fleeting Dream

by Desnei, posted in Poetry

The steady frequency at which a heart beats
Stands out. What truth remains without
It? Dead silence. I set and aim the sight.
A quaint calmness that eventually retreats.

Pull the trigger and set the path,
We undoubtedly enter the water
Where sound and breath vanish.
Lay to rest the yearning inside.
In a hollow cavity tuck away
From the harsh weather outside
A single reminder aches endlessly.
Life is but a fleeting dream.

Will you please reach your hand up to the stars,
Don’t be afraid. Our bodies are ridden with scars.

The words shatter through the barrier between you and I.
When the day is split by the colors in the sky
Do you feel ashamed? No, so lets find a place for us to lay.
sa;bdry