Carrying A Small Candle In Somber

My moniker Desnei serves as an antithesis to disparity. I decided that I’d never accept myself standing apart from others and will cross the line when possible. I’m no traitor but a visionary who seeks the unity of all men. We all have a responsibility to our fellow men to stand together through tumultuous times. Such a movement crosses every boundary imagined, it’s something known as compassion.

Often I’ve forgotten what I keep struggling for. Where others see conflict I see an unfortunate consequence of despair. People have never been pawns in a game because they have real feelings. To teach others a different way has been a calling reverberating throughout my body. I know humanity will always hold a candle of hope as long as generous people try. The light will never die if I touch another heart with my simple compassion.

And this is why I write; to let the compassion spread like a wildfire across the Earth, stop the potential hatred that could fuel the sorrow conjuring a million tears, and to help those in need. It’s true I do write fantasy that can sometimes be dark but compassion remains fundamental. The dark stuff exists because compassion was lost leading a few astray. In reality some people face times where life can seem very dark and unforgiving but they can be saved from it. Just reach a hand out for every one who feels lost.

I imagined up a universe where the virtues of humanity are amplified. Emotions are the main foundation creating reality for my characters and they must face them. Slowly the characters realize their universe started from the sorrow a man faced and never could overcome. They must stand against his fallible nature to teach him what he never learned about life. Life might not be perfect but it’s beautiful.

One character finds himself working for assassins after a wealthy mayor steals the his family’s livelihood. He faces many tribulations on the road of his life after giving into his bitter feelings. The mayor knows he wronged many people but finds himself unable to stop because the wealth makes him feel important. When they meet again only one will be alive afterwards. This isn’t directly a story of compassion. This event of indifference marks when possessions possess a man. Why does that happen? The mayor never deeply understood human compassion when he was a child creating a void in his behavioral growth. He inevitably chased his greed to his own grave. Now a young man must face his inner turmoil while moving from a terrible past to an uncertain future.

Without looking too deep into the specifics their stories are easy to relate with. A good family facing rough times can often lead some members into making bad choices. Lack of love will lead some toward any unsavory sense of belonging through such as greed, lust, wrath, and so on. Sins can very accurately describe a person’s disposition when they have lost all sense of control. I believe the best way to counter that chaotic impulse is to show that there’s more than what has been seen. If only everyone could feel like they belong but in a world of nearly eight billion people some can feel isolated. Don’t let them if you can.

I understand this is a very lofty aim but I can believe in it. If the compassionate side of humanity shines brighter loneliness will be eradicated. Through kindness a dark fantasy universe can be saved. So why not this single planet? I truly think humans can do just that.

sa;bdry

Young Icarus: The Free Heart

Hey I was offset by your tender heart and was wondering,
Oh just maybe, can we get to know each other? (Save me.)

There has been a storm brewing and you’re the calm
Before its devastation. Turn your hand, show the palm,
Try to understand we’re both afraid. Time is no cure
For the brokenness inside our hearts. Of this I am sure.

It took a single glance for my heart to feel this resonance,
Light shining from a crack through a wall. Don’t ever forget
Who you are because of suffering. I’ll climb this wall and try
My hardest just know I’m only a human. I’m sorry if I fail.
Words. True love and true hate, I hurt knowing I messed up
When I said I’d never leave. I wanted to stay but the truth
Took roost right here. We needed to grow in the sunlight.

I wouldn’t understand that until I felt the dagger of love
Twisting in my heart. Screaming, thrashing; the dove
Finally broke his wings and fell to Earth’s verdant grove.

The body mended with time but he never flew too high
Out of fear. Regrets clouded the mind. He’d stay
There for refuge believing he lost his own way.
Nothing feels alright, I’m so broken inside. So I sigh.

Trace my fingers on my chest feeling every rib. I wondered,
If I stay here will I ever heal? This is like I’ve surrendered.

That was the day I ran from there. My heart was uneasy
Yet I never stopped running. I couldn’t live by the terms
Others set for me because I knew I’d end up failing them.

I can’t figure out the way and I can’t stay still anymore.
Will you wander with me? On that day forever I swore.

I swore I’d be yours. . .if you’d be mine, no ploys being played.

icarus
Together we can return to the skies. By myself I’ll just fall, same with you my dear friend. . .

The Faded Guardian

In the world of the Rise of the First Blight feelings can manifest reality. The concept would be like an object casting a shadow and the shadow’s distortion changing the space around the object. One manifestation can be called the Fade. It’s a place for those who give up on believing things will ever change.

They can escape the place if they overcome their hopelessness. The emotion manifests itself as giant guards who protect a device used for going back. If the people didn’t want a reason for not  returning the guards wouldn’t exist. . .all except one.

This man is a symbol of despair. He lived to help others and learned about life but nothing prepared him for the truth. His respect for others took a hard hit when his hero displayed true colors. The fallen hero told him:

“We all put on a show to protect our prosperity. This success wouldn’t exist without others suffering. So don’t act all stoic, you’re a fake like me.”

The young man refused that. He learned there was truth in his fallen hero’s words but decided there must be another answer. Eventually the man is no longer young and he’s dying. Tears raced down his wrinkled cheeks as he tells his grandson something he spent his life searching for. The truth:

Standing amid light and cheer but darkness grabs
Hold of me. I haven’t seen much just enough
For my heart to never recover. The truth stabs
Me in the gut again and again. It’s rough.

I set off in search of knowledge. Got what I wanted,
It wasn’t what I needed. Fall from hunter to hunted.

What did I find? A well of hope feeding on blood,
The antithesis of everything I’ve been taught –
How naive can I be? What we have wrought
Has become an abomination. Pull down my hood.

To die or to walk. The truth is a scary demon
Clawing at my throat. I look away. I have to.
If I fight what’s in front I’ll never see daylight
Until my last shallow breath releases CO2 in the air.

So I pull down my hood. I’ve seen true despair
And know I’m a shadow to others. A great blight,
Something you face but wish you never had to.

Silence and a stern gaze, “I’m still aware of the good humanity can mend.
For there’s even a light within thee old Garden of Sin that I should defend.”

Humanists V. Aristocracy

Society turned into a consummate system to create money and war. We can’t do anything about it just build, destroy, and rebuild endlessly. Humans keep repeating this cycle. The Earth can only handle so much until we have another Black Death incident. But medically we’ll quarantine or cure it before too many die.

Is 8 billion humans supportable by the Earth? It should be. There’s more of a problem in our overproduction that exists due to economy. I may sound radical with what I’m about to say but the global civilization we have now will eventually overthrow the social hierarchy. And that’s what I spend my life in support of. If humanity mostly did away with monarchy I believe we can dismantle the aristocracy too.

That’s why I’m furthering my education, a game of chess against the aristocracy. The only thing is the pieces are humans and they have their own minds. An aristocracy rarely ever gives a reason to be dismissed under normal circumstances. The only counter to that is a better system which requires more than me.

I’ll never be the one who takes down the aristocracy but I’m going to douse gasoline onto this already burning fire. My morals are better than most though. That’s why my major plan is to remind the human race we are more than consumers and we have a kindness that far surpasses the manufactured hatred used by the extremely wealthy.


“Love, truth, and honor; the members of MAJI will forever uphold these principles no matter what.” ~ The Humanist Group MAJI

sa;bdry

The Fate of a Flower Petal

Is this the fate of a flower petal drifting towards a flame? I reach out so freely until gravity takes hold, pushing me down and setting the motion. The last seconds of a fleeting dream leave me upon a precipice. All I can think about now is a question.

“Do I jump and let go of my worries?”

That question doesn’t apply to suicide even though I’ve been there before. This is a suicide of sorts where the individual loses themselves in part. A flower petal can’t bear the passage through fire and neither can a human if weakness shows. I tried finding other ways around the flames with no avail. Abandon hope all ye who enter here.

Dante’s quote is the reminder I picked from the roots of my education. To stand between religion and science I find light guiding a path to walk. The constant margin for error entices me to delve further into the questions I have. I’ve become unafraid of the unknown because all it has ever been is a boundary.

Those flames still rise. I try my hardest to never get burned just to find that I’m too weak. The love from others is what saves me from burning away and provides me with a new sense of hope. Somehow I steered far away from the fire all these years. Will my journey ever bring me back there? It’ll return until I no longer have the strength to resist anymore.

What would happen if I relinquish hope? The hope exists as a fire within me and it came from the inferno. This curse we have all accepted for more time. How much is enough? Any amount will suffice as long as not today. We are extremely greedy in that respect because just existing is miraculous enough. Certain things in life can’t be let go and that’s why we are greedy in a selfless way. Oh, the irony stemming from that sentence.

We all race through days learning that we can’t let go of everything. Yet I’ll jump from the edge of my fear into the large margin called chance. One day the flames will reach me in my momentary flight and leave not but ash. And thus is the fate of a flower petal.
sa;bdry

The Probability of Change

This isn’t my typical post. I just can’t convey it quickly. So first I’ll give a TL;DR:

The choices we make in life seem insignificant but they aren’t. Never believe you are less than a sentient being and live on.


How were things like the Divine Right of Kings ever believed by our ancestors? The reason is our hypocritical nature. When the truth would hurt another we’ll lie. This trait can’t be seen truly as just bad or good. All events have equal chance of different results. When the concept of Divine Right manipulated every aspect of society it appeared impossible to overcome. We, the human race, did by usurping its throne from within.

The hierarchy created by the rich still functions despite our ambitious strike. When Egyptian workers protested the inhumane construction of a pyramid centuries ago they couldn’t do anything except barter for benefits. All we can do is aim to be slightly higher than slaves. But do those benefits change the reality or simply our perception?

Most of my friends and family members tell me “That’s how it has always been. It’ll never change.” Yeah, if all we ever do is accept what we’re given. The steps toward changing this world scare many of us from ever trying. I truly wish that we’d attempt defusing our situation instead of standing near that absolution. We can’t absolve our sins by acting blind.

These sins aren’t anything a god can erase but by coincidence humanity must find a way. We enslaved a free world with lies, commerce, and technology. The lower castes of society think progress helps better the world while the aristocracy abuses those good intentions. Things haven’t changed because the system we believe in failed.

Governments must take that reality into account. They don’t want to save their citizens just pocket money by very slowly burning the whole place down. When the funding seems lackluster propaganda surfaces inciting conflict. Eventually the citizens will degrade completely making the media their medium of faith and will lash out anyone questioning the system. Can there be any hope at this point?

Certainly. Hope is the desire to seek change from a negative state. A great example comes from a popular quote that says “God is dead.” because we advanced beyond our singular beliefs creating discrepancies within faith. God represents hope for many but this quote has merit stemming from the meaningless existence we might find without purpose. I know I’ve teetered on that destination for many years. Even though other reasons led me there I totally understood how removing purpose might set us down an even darker path. Add that with our greed there’s a better chance people will suffer in this world.

We’re all connected making the impact much greater. If we truly can justify fighting wars for greed then the current world is a giant payday. The first cogs in starting such an event would be those caught between greed and faith. These people might be respected by members of the faith who can’t begin to understand the connections they might have with the outside world. Try to picture the depth and consequences of this partnership.

In a world defined by currency religion, groups of moral teaching, will feel very confused. When they discover orphans of conflict the outcome can be very unpredictable. They’ll adopt their views but a desire for vengeance might lurk beneath and can contaminate the sound morals of their newly found faith. A wealthy, respected member of the religion pulls an orphan aside and discovers the child’s desire for vengeance. The member creates a new sect for the orphans to begin anew but acquires a way for them to obtain vengeance – weapons.

Guns developed to advance warfare find their way into the hands of a conflicted group. Extremism doesn’t develop by itself. Many variables must be set beforehand and even then it’s rare for the extremists to thrive. The world market abandoned a location inadequate in exports creating a need for international aid. And these countries witnessed a battle fought against political extremists where a massive amount of money got expended creating an option.

An extremist religious sect paid secretly by wealth acquired through trade and time takes up the mantle. Ultimately the sect will be defeated at an expense. During this exploitation other countries will reap the profits and sweep the mess under a rug. This event could teach other countries to disrespect each other for profit making many problems for the spheres of influence. Enough problems could lead toward an international affair then conflict between two spheres.


That outcome exists but so do many others. I’ve pondered hundreds of the outcomes and realized something unprecedented. Every action we take has a chance to offset the outcome. An act of kindness could be the difference between war and peace. The truth is every human adds to the probability of possible events. Nothing royalty or aristocracies do can prevent seven billion people from changing what we know, crossing boundaries, learning, and loving. It’s complicated how existence works but also quite beautiful.

Aim to be the best you and don’t worry if it isn’t good enough. You might change the future by accident. That’s kind of scary. . .not as much as quantum entanglement though.
sa;bdry

For Peace

Just like a drug that only masks the pain
Your words are but a momentary haven.

“Save yourself and repeat your dressed up lie
Until it becomes truth.” I tried to believe but,
My heart can’t be persuaded since that night.

When I saw the stars peeking through trees
I could feel something greater pulling my insides.
Does it feel that way for you? What is it that resides
In that heart of yours? Listen to me, he who frees
Himself will find out how lonely it can be in a crowd.
We’re waking from a dream to a nightmare. Proud?
I’ve been wandering until the day I fall to my knees.

Just like a drug that only masks the pain
Your words are but a momentary haven.

I’m trying to keep composure. Am I fighting or surrendering?
The life where I act as a knight despite my kingdom in ruins
Because I promised the King. I am sick and tired of this war!
We have the potential to love but all I ever seem to find is hate.

If I lose everything what will I do? End this war with my hands.
I’m avoiding violence and teaching love. I pray these many lands
Find peace before the monster within me awakens. Take my hands.

Just like a drug that only masks the pain
Your words are but a momentary haven.

I need your actions to solidify what I’m standing for. . .

treestars
Source of this beautiful picture.

 

 

Reaching Into The Dark

By the clandestine blade of light falling at dawn
I will cleave apart the darkness within your heart.

Remember when these eyes were full of wonder,
A time lost in ruins. Every day had potential
And we stayed afloat through conventional
Means. Was it time or pain that left us asunder?

I kept getting back up for you
But, I never checked on you.
The pain I have given to you.

Did my ignorance shatter the glass containing the darkness
Within your heart? I’ve messed up and must find a way
To fix this friendship. Let the fight go and give to weakness,
We shouldn’t hurt each other anymore. A price we can’t pay.

I’ll carry this sorrow with you. You will never be alone.
I don’t truly understand but I don’t want you to be gone.
light

A Promise & Hope

Carrying the heavy tombstone of my people on my back
I make this pilgrimage towards the ruins of a holy city.
My tired body heaves their weight towards the final rest
And from that point on I’ll be free. “Free from what?”

The teachings resonate inside, I’ve retained.
I can’t hold even a candle to the light shone
Upon the darkness known as uncertainty. Alone
I stand testament because my heart’s stained.

Every step I take is mine. The dead are gone
Yet, I remain here carrying their sins to atone.

Would it be so wrong to etch my own tale?
The lows and highs of a life I can call mine.
Was I just that easy to mislead with wine,
The sweet disguise of the lies they sail.

“But I don’t mind. I carry the weight like a candle
Guiding me through the darkness.” I silently cry.
The love in my heart can’t ever be snuffed out.
I’ve accepted that sometimes turning back is hard,
If not impossible; this is why I make the pilgrimage.

“Ring a bell if I ever should return home.
The world has left me alone just to roam
Until I find my place on the Earth’s loam.”

For love keep a promise, for change keep hope.
337bc8e90bd93d8d524c14ef030b3a4e

Searching For Alexandria

All the minutes turn into hours, incarceration;
These years have been taken by my own hand.
Lost in an endless desert. Sinking in the sand
Until bones are bleached white. Devastation.

I began a search for a new library of Alexandria
Knowing that what I find might just be solitude.
Clarity comes at a lesser cost than finding peace
Because a crystal clear river can still be polluted.

Any simple choice can change the outcome.
I wonder, is that what led to the fall of Rome?

If I sacrifice my time to obtain potential knowledge
I’m letting my life burn away in the air like a candle wick.
But I don’t do that. I dream of an Alexandria, a free haven
For every man, and fight to experience a life worth keeping.

At the end I’ll place a book on the shelf in Alexandria.
Great or bad the book is mine. To avoid this hysteria
Thriving within I’ll write on even during a silent feria.
library-future