To Speak

Oh sweet endarkened eyes
That entangle me among my thoughts,
How can we ever see new skies
In a world often consumed by lies and fights?

Judgement flows from their minds
Casting us down with the dull, resonating
Sound of a gavel. Placed in their binds
I see them around me often impersonating
Someone they can’t be. Do I dare
speak? Some place inside of me I care
About them. My heart has a tear
Running down itself from what I fear.

They fall to their devices and fade away.
In this time I listen for the words they say.

Others told me to let them be free
But my heart says otherwise. A tree
Left to grow on its own won’t see
Those nearby. We crave the light, our key.

Take the world and turn it into a machine
Pumping into us the oil of our desires,
Thick and dark. Step back, look at the world
As a stage for a play that we live.
Every twist in this existential play
Leads us towards a long needed aside. But what if
We could always speak against the scene?
A tragedy, a comedy; a life spent spectating
From the outside when on the inside.

Find the strength inside to speak
Even when nobody else listens.
I know I still have a million questions
But I must walk forward and speak.sa;bdry

Formal Apology

I stopped writing on the blog a little more than a month ago because of my novel I’m working on. When I started this I thought about my blog and the people who enjoyed reading my posts. I’m sorry for not explaining this sooner: I will continue with the blog later in February. I’ll leave this with a little map of progress and a little bit of writing from the novel —

  • January 1st -> February 15th – Novel Writing + Editing
  • February 16th -> February 20th – Poetry Book
  • February 21st -> ??? – Blog Focus (Once my novel is done I might start up a little.)

“I grabbed my arm. The warmth from earlier remained. I squeezed even harder out of hatred towards the horror held inside of a single memory. Suddenly I relived the entire accident. I closed my eyes but the scene played even with them shut. Escape from this nightmare eluded me at every turn.”

I Won’t Walk Away

Darkness falling from the eyes of
You who got me so strung up
Like a noose coiled around my neck
Hanging me there within these walls.
Under the control of your cloven heart it calls
For a sacrifice made of blood and bone.
Watch as everything that is is now gone.
Taken from us, lost in transition, we wreck
Our way through the fields. I gulp.
Searching for what can’t be found. Love.

If the green scenery fades away
What remains below, the sub-reality?
Relinquish the trappings of Heaven
Let me see your Hell. . .scars you hide.
If I can’t see where you stay
Tell me how else I can repay what was given!
To me this wasn’t a free ride
It was my only home in actuality.

Caught in this fairy tale of despair I halt
Looking back. In the flash of a lightning bolt.

Specters rise from the burnt soil
Singing their ghostly tales.
They don’t see a reason in all this toil
We’re going through. Great wind gales
Push us back, the whirlwind of Hell,
And I’m grabbing your hand all the same still.
Their sorrow floods the only trails
Leading us out of the serpent’s coil.
I’ve seen love and sometimes it fails
But not today if our hearts remain loyal.

The tears from spirits burn bright
And hiss like snakes. So hold onto me,
We can make it through. Don’t stay the same
But don’t turn your back on what’s right.

Even if we lose sight. Keep it straight,
The words you say and the things you do
Map out a constellation for the night.
Wherever you are, I’ll be there for you.
Yeah it’s going to get tough, we will fight,
Somehow we’ll come back if we stay true.
No matter how dark the night I’ll see your light.

Every day is a blessing.
Things change but some don’t,
It’s the ones that don’t that warm us up
From the inside out. Remember that cup
Of coffee on a cold Winter day. Count
It as a reminder for time passing.

We go through all this time side by side.
But do you know where our hearts reside?
At the core of our lives!
Even if you have lost track, I will decide
That I’m not letting go as I wait for the tide.

Grab my hand like a hilt of a blade
And look into my eyes.
For this love we have already paid
With tears. Love dies
After a long war not just a grenade.

Walk with me when we see the yellow Sun
Glowing just for us. Together we can run,
Scream our hearts out, and see that we won.
sa;bdry

The Crimson Tide

Confiding thoughts relentlessly attack
The state of mind I’m in. If I breathe
I might see the fire go out, lack of air to heave
My chest from eternal stasis. It’s what I lack
And not what I have to gain that I find myself terrified
Of. But somehow every tear I cry is rectified
By the will in my heart to press forward with the pack.

In my silence my titles strip away
One by one like the death of stars in the night sky.

Around me my kin bare their teeth
At a unknowing gazelle. Hunger pushes
Them over the edge, survival instincts breaking in.
Sense and rationality sacrificed for no
More than the fire in our bellies telling
Everyone what they need to survive.

Take me out of this equation.
I’m a stone taken by erosion
Rot yet I seek my own revelation.

How do I find myself here?
Teeth baring, heart racing,
Every rational thought
Ceases from within.

But I pressure myself back
Maintaining distance from the beast.
This beast walking through my mind
As if on a stroll and I only know it’s smell,
It’s shape, it’s home; all of which are me.

My kin stare at me with blank eyes,
Glazed over by insatiable hunger.

White iris puddles get sweeter
As hearts grow ever, ever darker.

Lost in a scarlet scene I look to blue skies.

Tell me that there’s more to this story
Because I feel like a miner lost in a quarry.

Deposits of ore among the rock and dirt,
Gems to find and protect. Sweaty shirt
Taken off, dirty hands, and a heart
Made of stone. How do I depart?

Two illusions of the same life!
What does this serve? My God, my King,
Show me how I can walk anew.
Toss these rinds back and set off,
Ain’t no way I can stay sane here
When my memories eat away at my flesh.

Shadows of my emotion haunt me now
And I can’t breathe without them holding on
To me and my dreams. Can I show
That I am real not a plastic mannequin
On display? I found my own low.

Falling through the clouds of Heaven,
Forgiven and forgotten.

In a few seconds I’ll collide with the ground
And return to my home. Not for a pound
Or any money just curiosity.
I guess we could call it a necessity.

How the beast creates a grave’s mound
Isn’t the same as how people are bound.

Death doesn’t create brothers
Although we bleed side by side.
So many people lost fathers and mothers.
What for? Where does home reside?

Now that they’re gone, the world falls apart.
And all we need is brothers and sisters.
They feed us bullets until we depart.

Why brother, why do you reject my love?
Every second we walk away from the cove
Where our hearts bled. What path did you choose?

When I try to break bread. . .you prepare a noose.

If I must die tonight
Please let me make this right.

When the world is falling apart around you
Don’t ya cry ever for there is light in the end
Of your darkest night. Give me your hand
And let us see that tomorrow. Just let your pain end;
It won’t serve you, it will shatter you.
sa;bdry

CyberTech VS Humanity

Sweet smell of peppermint fills the air
Cascading upon me memories from the past.
A time where it all felt a little more clear
Not burdened by a hundred tears that cast.

The world attempts at destroying what makes me me
And I can’t take it anymore. These memories pave
The way back to where my heart awaits. Can’t wait to be
Brought back to that place. But what do I need to see?

Every little carol sung, every dream wasted away,
But here I return just trying see if things will sway.

This repetition sets me to self-destruct
And I pray that I’ll never reconstruct.
Despite my words I return, a cyborg of the digital age
with parts available at the local store. No way to disengage.

And to us living is our sole purpose and death is our defeat,
Anything to deny the inevitable because the truth is unfair,
Unjust, unkind. Living is just the start of seeing what is fair,

Just, and kind. Claim victory as the Universe begins to create.
Born to see, live to feel and be, die to understand value.

Everything else in this world distracts from life.
So see this life? Live and chase it all for it’s up to you.
sa;bdry

The Fall of a Blade

Spinning thoughts reel to and fro
Giving a constant sound to the carnage.
Some sharp words scrape to know
What’s on the outside. Escaping their cage.
Nothing more than a dark crow
Cawing at the moon. Begging for the page
To turn, abandoning the past so it may grow,
But finding every plea unheard. Rage,
Does rage ensue? Cast aside on an ice floe
Left to its devices. Somehow it will manage.
The world’s cruelty tells us just to row
Down this river when we try to disengage.
I let go of my desolate feelings like snow
Falling from the sky. The end of an age.

The blade of my beliefs pierces muddy soil
Sealing itself in a prison made of my own toil.
My heart, torn by the sight, oozes burning oil.

Do I pick up the blade once again
Or should I walk away for the rest of my life?
I’m sure a man sits upon an eave playing a fife
To my struggle against my flaw, my sin.
If I pick it up I will blind myself with glory.
No one will pull me back. It’ll be my story.
In my own hands I will either lose or win.

I really only wanted to make things right
But somehow along the way I lost my sight.

A dam I constructed to keep out the flood
That has been filling my mind with mud.
I let the sword drop to the ground with a thud,
Pick up what remains of me, wash off the blood,
And move along. For my heart is still but a bud.

Someday my heart might bloom to be beautiful and freed.
And the sword will return on that day under a new creed.
sa;bdry

I stand with Humanity, my brothers and sisters

Created with Microsoft Fresh Paint
“A Drowning Cry”

I write about a lot of worlds with evil. Some of the horrors are quite excruciating and pitiless. My mind must find a way to understand how the characters react. Life doesn’t give a simple choice. Some of us will seek revenge, some will face sorrow, some will break apart, and some will rise from the ashes like a phoenix. I learned most of these paths from living my own life.

A lot of things in life can hurt. Some things penetrate further into the heart than others. I opened up my heart to every point of view I can. The sorrow is too much but I can’t neglect other people. Everyone cries out for understanding. I will do all that I can to make sure that I help whoever I can. The fire in my heart can relight other hearts that have been smothered. It’s my one mission:

Never let the cries of others go unheard.

A Few Words

I was born on this day. November 21st. A little time of happiness that I still feel on this day every year. I’m not exactly sure what I’ll do today. Should I reminisce my life, go out with friends, relax for once, or do anything for other people? I haven’t decided. The whole world has changed me so much over these twenty-one years. I can’t really see that so many years have went on by.

I haven’t done much. I am not sure if that is regret or a need to do something. Today I’ll lay those thoughts to rest. I’ll attempt my best to have fun. I have one day to feel joy about my life  that I was so blessed to be given. A lot of things have happened but I’m stronger because of every single one.

I wanted to post something better. I really just need this day to figure some stuff out and let go. Here’s to hoping I’ll be writing tomorrow. A long winded attempt at trying to do some good for others.

Understanding is Key

What would anyone do if they could fix the world? The bigger question is how do you fix something that has never been broken? A lot of atrocities came manifest from people. People who never held the common man by their side. They refused to admit their humanity despite being dogged down by time and emotion. Most people find themselves in these struggles but some never do.

Money allows for ignorance and hatred to grow unaffected by the motions of life. What would you do for money? If it was enough would you kill? It is easy to say that you never would. What about when you’re at your lowest? Understand that is why extremism exists.

Muslims are facing a genocide. These people have lost everything and some bastards use them at their lowest to control them. Understand people. If you create a barrier you aren’t doing a favor for humanity. You’re feeding your own selfish agenda. This isn’t the 1900s anymore because the human race has moved forward. We can talk to people around the world and be an influence on their lives. No more does humanity have to be blind to any atrocity. Yet the defining piece is simple:

Will you let people die or will you help them?

The Somber Depths of the Heart

Shimmering shadows fading in and out
From a light source constantly moving.
Without a rhyme or a reason nothing remains
And the world always steers on ahead.
These shadows extend down into my being
Giving shade to the blistering pain held within
While bringing a blind spot to who I am.
If I escape the pain, forget about it completely.
Would the pain still be there? Or am I immune?
Immune to the longing for peace, love, and understanding
Like I numbed my senses into utter decommission.
The situation inside is quite dire.

Demons manifest in the shade of the Sun.
Shrieking horrors await beyond the bend,
Haunting my every breath beneath the gun.
They follow the valleys of my heart then rend.

My whole heart is coming undone, falling apart.
Rivers blood rise from within. Some dark proverb
Rings in my head: “If you seek sanctuary from pain,
You open the Gate inside. Demons pour in like rain.”
These aren’t demons from Hell but my own
Born from the depths of despair that I often drown in.

I need to get back up, fill my lungs, and breathe.
Exhume the demons from within so I can mend
This broken heart. It is up to me alone to tend
These wounds. What did the horrors truly bequeath?

Strength. I learned to face my hidden despair.
And all I have left to do is live and let my heart repair.
Perhaps I’ll find the despair again so I’ll prepare.
sa;bdry